How to handle Xmas?
Hi everyone, this is only my second post here so ...hi! I'm hoping someone can give me a little perspective about an issue that's bothering me. My SO lives in England and our son and I are in Canada. I've asked him to please come visit for a bit for Xmas (he's in school and about to have a break). I've offered to pay.The thing is: things are so so so awkwardly complicated between us, and have been for the last 6 months. I'm so unsure about the state of our relationship, since SO has cut off contact with us since July when he couldn't come home for a visit; instead of letting me know our plans had changed, he just stopped talking to us. Hello long-distance ghosting!
I don't know what to believe about our future, but we do have a child together whom we both love desperately... I can't imagine he would choose to throw us away so heartlessly. My emotions swing all over the place on a daily basis. I try to be cognizant of the fact that he's dealing with overwhelming law school stress and is separated from his child, missing out on milestones etc. BUT it really feels and has felt that I'm the only one trying to keep us together, and I really don't know anything about his life or his mindset.
Back to my original question... an Xmas visit. He hasn't responded to my invitation to visit, which I sent a few days ago. I happen to love Xmas and I'm worried that if he chooses to stay away and not be in contact, i.e., he chooses for this relationship to have an official ending because I've essentially decided that's what will happen, I will be forced to spend Xmas pretending to be okay and actually breaking inside. Our son is 4 and I've deliberately given him no expectations of seeing Daddy, even though we will be spending part of the holidays with my MIL. I keep picturing us spending Xmas together last year, and how supremely awesome it was. At that point we'd been separated only 3 months but picking him up at the airport was one of the most exciting times of my life. If this year is basically the most disappointing Xmas of my life, I'm worried that my son will pick up on my unhappiness or will himself be crushed that Daddy isn't a part of it.
So confused and concerned. Any help would be very much appreciated.
I don't know what to believe about our future, but we do have a child together whom we both love desperately... I can't imagine he would choose to throw us away so heartlessly. My emotions swing all over the place on a daily basis. I try to be cognizant of the fact that he's dealing with overwhelming law school stress and is separated from his child, missing out on milestones etc. BUT it really feels and has felt that I'm the only one trying to keep us together, and I really don't know anything about his life or his mindset.
Back to my original question... an Xmas visit. He hasn't responded to my invitation to visit, which I sent a few days ago. I happen to love Xmas and I'm worried that if he chooses to stay away and not be in contact, i.e., he chooses for this relationship to have an official ending because I've essentially decided that's what will happen, I will be forced to spend Xmas pretending to be okay and actually breaking inside. Our son is 4 and I've deliberately given him no expectations of seeing Daddy, even though we will be spending part of the holidays with my MIL. I keep picturing us spending Xmas together last year, and how supremely awesome it was. At that point we'd been separated only 3 months but picking him up at the airport was one of the most exciting times of my life. If this year is basically the most disappointing Xmas of my life, I'm worried that my son will pick up on my unhappiness or will himself be crushed that Daddy isn't a part of it.
So confused and concerned. Any help would be very much appreciated.
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