Introducing to the kids and a tad nervous!

[vivid_idea]

It’s likely that my SO will fly out to see me again soon. The first time we met was in a neutral city. This time he will he flying to my home and staying for roughly three weeks. This will involve introducing him to my 10 year old daughter and 8 year old son. My kids both know about him, however I have kept most things separate. Partly because I separated from their father just before SO and I got together 1.5 years ago. And partly because I don’t really know how to include them in a long distance relationship.

I am nervous about him staying here because my 10 year old daughter already says things like she hates him and doesn’t want to see him etc. I am firm and tell her I won’t tolerate rudeness and I expect her to meet him. Both kids are saying they will stay with their father for the time SO is here.

Part of me thinks it will be easier if they stay with their Father. But I also know that we need to face this situation. I also don’t want to give my ex the power of having them so much. Currently they spend most of their time with me. Also, SO does not have any kids of his own.

So I am just looking for some advice and support on how to carefully handle this situation. Of course I want things to go as well as they can! Any things to consider or words of advice would be greatly appreciated right now as I am feeling a bit nervous!

Thanks!

[MsGrim]

If you are firm on having your kids meet your SO, maybe let them stay with their father for the most part and setup dates with you, your kids, and your SO to do during the day once or twice a week. Maybe a lunch/dinner to start out and let everyone meet and chat.. and then maybe a park a few days later or some other fun activities that you can incorporate like movies, an arcade, etc. and drop them back off with their father to stay the night. This also gives you and your SO the opportunity to spend some alone time together.

This may allow your kids to open up to the idea of him while having fun so they won't be so inclined to be rude to him. Do you know how he is with children? Does he have nieces and nephews that he is close to? His attitude and openness with them will play a huge factor in how your children perceive him.

[vivid_idea]

Thank you MsGrim. This advice is so helpful and grounding. Yes I think this is exactly the way I will handle the situation. I found myself smiling and nodding as I read your words. Thank you! 🤗

[MsGrim]

You're very welcome and glad I was able to help. Keep us updated! Introducing kids is a huge step!

[vivid_idea]

Hiya,

Well I don’t think I’ll be having to worry about introductions with the kids anytime soon. SO was offered a job that he wants and needs. The contract will go for 6 months. He thinks he will be able to take vacation time after 3 months, but I think it is also likely that we won’t see each other until the contract is finished. He may even extend by that point, who knows? So we may not see each other again for at least another 6 months.

I feel kinda in shock (although I knew this was in the pipe lines) as I was hoping we would be able to see each other in the next few weeks. Right now I am sitting in my car and crying. And I only have one goddamn tissue in my handbag! Argh lol. It isn’t because I am not happy for him, but sometimes I feel so powerless to have any control over what happens. And it hurts.

Thanks for reading whoever does. I know many of you know what I mean :/

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I don't know if it helps you any, but today marks 1 year ago that I said goodbye to my man. We have yet to plan another visit, as life keeps getting in the way-at least for him. It is painful thinking of when I left, and that we haven't achieved another visit. Patience isn't my strong suit either, which makes it harder still.

[vivid_idea]

Yeah I’ve followed bits and pieces of your story Atlantic. I’m sorry that it’s also so difficult for you. How do you stay positive about it? What do you do? Right now I just feel like crying lol.

I find it challenging because my SO wants me to be expressive and all, but I feel when I really open myself and start to believe in something, the disappointment is that much worse when it doesn’t work out. So then I want to withdraw into myself and my life. Which doesn’t help at all!

[Atlantic Crossroads]

It is very hard to stay positive, but I have faith we will get there in the end.
I don't believe we met by accident.
I feel settled since I've been with him, and I've never had that before. All the world's troubles cease to be when I'm in his arms. It's also the first time in my life that I'm planning a future. He helps me without even being with me, and I can't explain how he does that. He banished a panic attack, and enabled me to deal with needles when necessary (I have a history of passing out where they're concerned).
I don't believe all of those things are coincidental. We were meant to find each other, and be together. But like anything worth having, it won't come easy. But it's a fight I'm ready for.

[MsGrim]

Hiya,

Well I don’t think I’ll be having to worry about introductions with the kids anytime soon. SO was offered a job that he wants and needs. The contract will go for 6 months. He thinks he will be able to take vacation time after 3 months, but I think it is also likely that we won’t see each other until the contract is finished. He may even extend by that point, who knows? So we may not see each other again for at least another 6 months.

I feel kinda in shock (although I knew this was in the pipe lines) as I was hoping we would be able to see each other in the next few weeks. Right now I am sitting in my car and crying. And I only have one goddamn tissue in my handbag! Argh lol. It isn’t because I am not happy for him, but sometimes I feel so powerless to have any control over what happens. And it hurts.

Thanks for reading whoever does. I know many of you know what I mean :/

I'm sorry this has happened! I am in a similar position as well; we were conditioned to see each other like every 2-3 weeks.. but now I haven't seen him since mid December and the goal was to meet in March but now we know for a fact it won't be until at least May. Hopefully that vacation time is available after 3 months and you can squeeze in a visit <3

[kate04]

I’ve just seen this. I’m sorry. I can feel and imagine the disappointment,
Everything is magnified so much in LDR’s isn’t it? Especially when it’s an annual meeting... you feel as though the rug has been pulled out from under your feet.
Has another date been mentioned at all?
Lots of love xxx

[vivid_idea]

Just a little update: SO pushed back his contract so that he has the month of March free. So he just now has booked his tickets and he will be arriving next Friday and staying with me for just over 3 weeks! I can’t believe it!

[MsGrim]

Just a little update: SO pushed back his contract so that he has the month of March free. So he just now has booked his tickets and he will be arriving next Friday and staying with me for just over 3 weeks! I can’t believe it!

OMG!! I am so excited for you!!! YAY!!

[kate04]

Whoop!!! OMG we coincide!!! I’m so happy for you! March is a good month!

[vivid_idea]

Thank you both so much!! Yay!!

Yes March is an excellent month. Unreal hey?