Long distance and babies

[Suzie]

My SO and I have been together for 7years. I have always from day 1 told him I wanted to have at least 2 more kids (I have 3 from a previous marriage -20yrs to 14yrs).

I recently turned 40 and my doctor did inform me about 3yrs ago that he wont reccomend that I have a child when i am over 40yrs old... i had informed my SO of that.

So recently we had a conversation about me having/wanting a baby.. where he told me I was being selfish as in our situation i would have all the time with the baby and he wont be there... and he has major issues/concerns that he wont be able to bond with the baby and build a good relationship (as with his mother when growing up as his mother lived in a different country to him and his father)

Just wanted to know if anyone was in a situation where parents were apart and had babies.. how is that bonding situation with child and distant parent..

Thanks just want to settle him and myself.. time is limited🤦🏻*♀️ on my part

[Atlantic Crossroads]

This is a tricky situation for sure. I know we do have some members who have children together before they have closed the distance, who would probably be your best source of insight in this.

[OhioJim]

All I can speak to is my own experience.

When I was growing up my dad worked in a different city and was home only on weekends and holidays, and 2 weeks in the summer. It was like that until I was 13 when his company transferred him to a different city.

I can not begin to tell you the problems that caused me growing up. A child needs both parents home every day.

[Atlantic Crossroads]

All I can speak to is my own experience.

When I was growing up my dad worked in a different city and was home only on weekends and holidays, and 2 weeks in the summer. It was like that until I was 13 when his company transferred him to a different city.

I can not begin to tell you the problems that caused me growing up. A child needs both parents home every day.

My dad was at home all my childhood, but he worked all day and went trainspotting on weekends, so I didn't see much of him anyway. Add to that his long standing depression and 7 year cancer battle and there wasn't much bonding to be had. Though we did develop a relationship after my sister moved out, which was nice. But that only lasted a year before he passed away.

[Suzie]

I was thinking in these days of modern technology that's things maybe different we have so many video calls etc.. that the situation would've different as well as we do see each other 5tines for the year.. the longest period apart is 2months

Both sides of our families are close and pretty sure the baby would be brought up by the "village" as they say🤷🏿*♀️🤷🏿*♀️🤷🏿*♀️🤦🏻*♀️

[Atlantic Crossroads]

I suppose my main concern if I was in that scenario would be my fiance missing out on our baby's first moments.

[vivid_idea]

Hi there, I really feel for you and what you are going through. That's a really tough situation. It's awful when you feel like you don't have time on your side. How do you feel about the prospect of not ever having kids with your SO? How does he feel about it?

I will be turning 34 this year (I already have 2 children from a previous relationship) and my SO is thousands of miles away and he will be turning 36 this year (he is yet to have any children of his own). I feel the pressure of time looming. It's horrible when there seems to be no clear solution :/

[Christophe516]

My SO and I have been together for 7years. I have always from day 1 told him I wanted to have at least 2 more kids (I have 3 from a previous marriage -20yrs to 14yrs).

I recently turned 40 and my doctor did inform me about 3yrs ago that he wont reccomend that I have a child when i am over 40yrs old... i had informed my SO of that.

So recently we had a conversation about me having/wanting a baby.. where he told me I was being selfish as in our situation i would have all the time with the baby and he wont be there... and he has major issues/concerns that he wont be able to bond with the baby and build a good relationship (as with his mother when growing up as his mother lived in a different country to him and his father)

Just wanted to know if anyone was in a situation where parents were apart and had babies.. how is that bonding situation with child and distant parent..

Thanks just want to settle him and myself.. time is limited����*♀️ on my part

Suzie, I can tell you. From the perspective of the child. It would be horrible. 1970-1984(3-17yrs.-old), I lived as much 9,300mi. from my father. Because of my parents' choice not to be together. While my father marrying a woman in Saigon(Vietnam) in the early 1970's was bad enough. A few years after my father's marriage ended, and he moved back to the U.S.. My mother moved my younger brother n' I to England, from the U.S.. She wanted to live there five years(we only stayed 18mos. before moving back to the U.S.). My brother didn't care. But I hated, not being allowed to choose. Where I wanted to live.

Being separated from the father, as a result, of an LDR. Is egregiously selfish. On the part of the mother.

[Rezie]

There will be several different experiences with all individuals. But the main thing is that he does not want to have a child while you as in LDR. That's the only thing that matters. Now you need to decide if you are ok with it or not.