Hello everyone, first post here.
I am 25 years old and she is 27, we've known each other for a couple of years as acquaintances. Five months ago we started seeing each other while she was in Tahoe for the winter and after a month of seeing each other, we decided to make it official. Everything started off great and we both knew that the majority of the time would be spend apart. During the first two months, we were seeing each other at least every two weeks and ended up falling in love pretty quickly. She works in Vegas and has a contract job in which she's basically on call. On three separate occasions we had plans to see each other and her work called her, but she turned down those jobs to maintain our plans.
This is the first problem that at the time we didn't realize was a problem. This eventually started making her very stressed, thinking that her work would just stop calling if she kept turning them down. So we decided she should start saying yes to every job that came up. This ended up compounding and creating more stress on her because now we weren't seeing each other and she felt like she was being a bad girlfriend. I always reassured her and told her how amazing she is to me.
She is also an EXTREMELY independent girl and was single for 6 years before me, I was single for 3 years before her. So we both have a fair amount of independence. I think that her independence has made it to where she has a hard time depending on other people (mainly me). She feels like she is responsible for the way she feels and that I can't do anything to help that. When you add that on top of stress from work, not seeing me and feeling conflicted, it completely broke her down. Last night she called me and wanted to break up, saying that she has been struggling with our relationship and wasn't very good about communicating that to me, so she kept it to herself. She feels like we haven't been heading in the right direction and that its not a normal relationship. She feels bad for not treating me the way she feels I deserve. She has been feeling conflicted for a month and a half and it hasn't gotten any better. At this point she feels like the only thing left to do is to break up instead of prolonging the inevitable and trying to work things out. She doesn't believe we can make it work.
I asked her to just once allow me to try and take responsibility for the relationship and try to help her through this tough time. I already have plans with my work to allow me to work remotely from Vegas for one week a month, which I feel would allow us the keep some of our independence, keep us both working and give us more time together without feeling the pressure of only seeing each other for a weekend at a time. I asked her to give me just two months to make this relationship work at a healthy level for both of us. She said she didn't want to make any decisions today. I know she feels like she needs to break up with me and she is very stubborn whenever she thinks something is right. I know I can make things right and I'm willing to fight for her.
I'm basically just trying to learn as much as I can about making LDRs work and understand how she is feeling. Any advice would be great to hear!
Thanks in advance.
I am 25 years old and she is 27, we've known each other for a couple of years as acquaintances. Five months ago we started seeing each other while she was in Tahoe for the winter and after a month of seeing each other, we decided to make it official. Everything started off great and we both knew that the majority of the time would be spend apart. During the first two months, we were seeing each other at least every two weeks and ended up falling in love pretty quickly. She works in Vegas and has a contract job in which she's basically on call. On three separate occasions we had plans to see each other and her work called her, but she turned down those jobs to maintain our plans.
This is the first problem that at the time we didn't realize was a problem. This eventually started making her very stressed, thinking that her work would just stop calling if she kept turning them down. So we decided she should start saying yes to every job that came up. This ended up compounding and creating more stress on her because now we weren't seeing each other and she felt like she was being a bad girlfriend. I always reassured her and told her how amazing she is to me.
She is also an EXTREMELY independent girl and was single for 6 years before me, I was single for 3 years before her. So we both have a fair amount of independence. I think that her independence has made it to where she has a hard time depending on other people (mainly me). She feels like she is responsible for the way she feels and that I can't do anything to help that. When you add that on top of stress from work, not seeing me and feeling conflicted, it completely broke her down. Last night she called me and wanted to break up, saying that she has been struggling with our relationship and wasn't very good about communicating that to me, so she kept it to herself. She feels like we haven't been heading in the right direction and that its not a normal relationship. She feels bad for not treating me the way she feels I deserve. She has been feeling conflicted for a month and a half and it hasn't gotten any better. At this point she feels like the only thing left to do is to break up instead of prolonging the inevitable and trying to work things out. She doesn't believe we can make it work.
I asked her to just once allow me to try and take responsibility for the relationship and try to help her through this tough time. I already have plans with my work to allow me to work remotely from Vegas for one week a month, which I feel would allow us the keep some of our independence, keep us both working and give us more time together without feeling the pressure of only seeing each other for a weekend at a time. I asked her to give me just two months to make this relationship work at a healthy level for both of us. She said she didn't want to make any decisions today. I know she feels like she needs to break up with me and she is very stubborn whenever she thinks something is right. I know I can make things right and I'm willing to fight for her.
I'm basically just trying to learn as much as I can about making LDRs work and understand how she is feeling. Any advice would be great to hear!
Thanks in advance.