I can't picture his face anymore

[LittleSpoonJenny]

My Boyfriend is in the merchant navy and left for a 4 month stint on a tanker mid May so its still over a month till he is back. He's been away before for similar time periods but we've always been able to Skype or I would travel to meet I'm when he docked in the UK even if it meant only seeing him for a day and travelling for hours.
This time his dongle won't work so we can't Skype and he is in the Southern Hemisphere so travelling to meet him is out of the question. He has access to a ship email but its public so we can't be intimate, can't send pictures and as he's 8 hours ahead normally I only hear from him once a day, i know I should appreciate that but when we are both in England he is a 15 minute walk away or when we are both studying just 4 hours on the train.
There was a satellite phone he could use so he would ring once a fortnight but it got struck by lightning and may not be fixed for weeks.
I look at photos all the time, ive even got a video of him saying I love you but I can't picture his face and I'm scared when he comes back that I won't feel the same because of the lack of contact.
I love him but I'm struggling without him.

[lea22]

I get the whole "can't picture his face" too, I think it's when you think about someone constantly for some reason you can't picture them.

I have been in a similar situation (not for as long as you) but I can empathize completely about feeling scared due to lack of contact. The only way i can explain it is I felt very disconnected and like I was pulling away because we were hardly speaking.

What I used to do was find things to focus on for both of us, like plan the next visit or look into things we can do. How about writing letters (but not sending) or writing emails and then he can get them when he gets back? I find that quite soothing.

The way to look at it is, if people coped during the war speaking even less than you, then you can do it. You're in a really difficult situation and you're doing so well, honestly. Just try to stay strong and I can almost guarantee you won't lose feeling - it might feel a bit strange at first when you see him- but you'll be back to normal again sooner than you think.

[LittleSpoonJenny]

Thanks for your reply, it really made me think about it differently. Sorry it took me so long to say it!
He has been back for a while now and all is fine I was just being paranoid i guess!