Worrying about the time apart

[Ayefaye]

I'm new here, and found this forum as I was browsing the internet looking for answers.

My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years now, I'm 19 and he's 20. He recently got a place in the merchant navy, and has just moved a couple of hours away to study at marine college. We've been seeing each other every couple of weeks and while I miss him, it is manageable. However, in February, he goes on his first sea voyage for 5 months. I am terrified about it.

To give a little more context, my boyfriend and i, up until September saw each other almost every day, every other day at least. So it's a bit of a transition. In June of this year, I also lost my dad, very unexpectedly and am dealing with the aftermath of that (moving house, trying to get my younger brother focused on school, losing my only parent). So I almost feel, I lost my boyfriend when I need his support most. I had to give up my place at university after my dad died, and seeing as all of my friends went off to uni in September too, I'm feeling particularly isolated.

I know no one can really give me an answer, but I'm just looking for some kind of dialogue with others who'll understand / be in a similar position.

Thanks, Alyce

[kittyo9]

Hi Alyce,

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I know how difficult losing a parent is, but I have the utmost sympathy for you for dealing with it and caring for your brother at the same time. It's not a good time to be alone. I really hope you have some resources to fall back on, whether it be money to support you or other family members or friends to rely on. I'm also sorry about having to leave uni because of it-- that is really unfortunate and I really hope that there is a way for you to go back to school eventually, perhaps not at the same place, but at least to finish your studies.

In regards to spending a few months apart, you would be surprised how quickly only a few months go by. It seems like a lot to you, but you will get used to it and you will have an end date to look forward to. I don't know if you will be able to communicate with your SO during that time. Perhaps it is the time you need to refocus your life and find your new place after adjusting to all these changes. In the mean time, definitely let him be there for you until he has to go.

[squeeker]

I'm so sorry about losing your dad. I can't imagine how hard that would be. Like kittyo9 said, you may have the chance to go back to school in the future some time. You might even find something else you want to do.

It's not the same situation, but my boyfriend had to drop out of his course before he met me, because of family issues, he has recently a new course that is quite a bit different from the one he was on before, he went from music to now garden design. I think it might be a good time for you to have a re think about your interests and what you want to do with your live. It would make it much easier being apart from your SO if you will be able to talk, but the most you can do to keep your mind off it, is to keep busy, and maybe focus on your interests as well as taking care of yourself and your brother.

I'm sorry I don't have the best advice, I hope you get through this okay, and everything works out for you both.