Not quite long distance - and yet

[Allie]

Me and my life partner have been together for 5 and some years now. We met at college, and practically lived together for three years of that. We were from opposite sides of the country, though, so every three months we had to spend 2-3 months apart from each other. The hardest time was when he was in Ireland for 3 months on study abroad. But we made it through. For the past two years, after graduating, we have lived together, at his parents' place. Serendipitously, I received an amazing job opportunity - in another city. It's about 100 miles from where he lives. Since he is still happy with his job back home, he decided to stay back for a while, save up before moving out here and finding work out here. Plus, the job he's in is giving him some important career growth opportunities he can take with him. My salary is decent, but can't support us both. So we find ourselves in a long-distance relationships without a very clear end to the long-distance part. We've already been discussing marriage and other long-term commitments - we've agreed to call each other life partners. But it's driving me bonkers not having an end-date. He's mentioned that he wants to at least stay until after the New Year to help out at work, because they're moving to a new location and need him around. Plus, like I said, he wants to save money and he wants to get some skills he can use here to find a job. I've done long distance before with him, so I thought this would be just peachy - we can see each other every weekend if we want to. And we have, so far. (I haven't been able to bear a weekend here alone, and he's come to visit a couple times, too). But the thing is, this is much, MUCH harder than I thought it would be! And the hardest thing is that every time we say goodbye, instead of me getting more used to it, it just gets worse and worse. I mean, I'm seeing him in 5 days. But I still feel so completely forlorn about it. I'm trying to combat the lonely feelings by setting up hobbies and meeting new people here, but it's really hard, and I don't know many people here yet. To make matters worse, the constant visits are starting to really dig a hole in my wallet - but I can't bear the thought of having even less chances to see each other. And I can't find anywhere else to cut back in my budget, because I'm living as bare bones as I can to save up my money, too. I just wanted somewhere to vent out my feelings on this and get maybe some support. And if anyone has any strategies for dealing with those 5 days alone, please share!!

[Lovebee]

I sympathise. A few years back I was in a not-so-long distance relationship with a guy and we only saw each other at weekends - and yes, it does start to burn a hole in your pocket. I think it's actually tougher to do than spend three months apart at a time. It must be a shock to the system to be apart when you have been living together for a while already.

It's hard to give you any definitive advice. If money is tight, perhaps you two will have to limit your visits to each other. I know that sounds hard to bear, but if it enables you save up some more money, it will benefit your relationship in the long term. It will also give you some time to get involved with your local area and maybe meet some new people - if all of your time is spent with your SO, it will be harder to find other people to hang out with. Of course, that's not an ideal solution, and it's understandable that you'd want to maximise the opportunities that you have to spend time with him.

Perhaps in your five days apart you can teach yourself a new craft skill, such as making jewellery. This will take up your time to keep your mind off being apart, and you could maybe start up a shop on Etsy and sell your items, helping your financials too! Just an idea.

Failing all of this, there is always the forum...

Good luck, I hope you start to feel better soon.

[differentcountries]

I don't know if this is similar in any way, but for some time my husband had the most crazy work hours (school + work) which meant than even though I got to see him, it was so significantly less (and we were used to see each other every day) that I started joking (and after a while, the joke felt real) that it had turned into a long-distance-relationship. I think in a way it is harder when you have grown used to see your man almost every day, because you DO know exactly what you are missing out on. For us the whole thing ended by us trying to cut back on expenses so he did not have to work so much. Anyway, here are things to do when you are alone:
- Please, get some sleep. I know going to bed alone can be hard, but just do it. Everything is so much better if you sleep. And eat well.
- Get at hobby that gets you exersized. Personally, I go for yoga, especially the hard classes like ahstanga and bikram, but I also like hiking and long walks. You might have something you have done before or would like to try. Try to find money for classes and/or equipment. If you go to a gym, try to make it not a big one as they are imperonal, which is only good if you have TOO much people contact in your daily life, and a small place makes it easier to get to know someone. Working out makes you sleep and eat better by kicking your metabolism.
- Join an organisation of some kind, or do some volenteer work. Makes you learn something while youcontribute to the world, plus you could get some new friends.
- Have fun! It could be just watching stand-up, or going out if that is your thing. if you know some people, you could throw a party for them, or a nice dinner.
- You can do all those nice LDR things with him; see each other on Skype, write letters, get each other presents, write texts, post each other on Facebook and so on. You could keep yourself busy by planning surprises for him/you as a couple. Is there time for a "date night" mid week, on Skype?
- Get to know there place you are in. Learn stuff you can teach him when he comes over, or great places to go. If you are only going to his place, where you also used to live, you will have much harder time getting the feeling that you belong in your new place. Plus it is really hard to make friends when you don't spend enough time there (who knows what fun stuff goes on there Saturdays? and you could bring your man, too )

[Tooki]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm currently much closer to my GF than I normally would be and it's so damn expensive to maintain our weekly visits. It would cost me about $50 in total to travel to her, return.

[conejita_hada]

Definitely have support here! My relationship started with my SO and I living in neighboring towns so we were "only" an hour bus ride from each other but that meant with lining up schedules, only getting to spend weekends together. To someone that doesn't have similar distance it can seem amazing because you're so close. It was nice knowing I would see him but those bus rides add up and sometimes his professors rescheduled exams or classes for the weekends which meant it wasn't consistent. I think the hardest is not having a completely set routine because money and other commitments are hard to juggle with seeing each other. Now that I've moved back to my country and it's been 3 months, it's easier in some aspects because I have a routine and know the exact day I get to see him next.

Possibly, try volunteering at a location that you feel passionate about the mission, if you have free/idle time between work and seeing your SO. I used to take a lot of walks all over my town and sometimes walked to the further away market so it'd take up more time (I was there on research and didn't have as much to do, haha) or research and try out different recipes during the week to make for him over the weekend. I also read a lot and found a ton of random movies on YouTube to occupy those nights when I just couldn't sleep. It's difficult, especially when you're so familiar with how it feels to sleep next to him at night and then he isn't there for several days. Those were the hardest. Now, I have a teddy bear wearing his shirt that I get to cuddle at night, that helps a lot!