He broke up, but I'll visit him in 2 weeks

[Blege]

So today I went back to Europe. He said he loved me at the airport. However, we had a huge fight friday night (both drunk and everything just blurted out of us) and he wanted to end things again, but said he didn't mean anything he said the the next morning. Still, it sort of destroyed my everything's-perfect-little fantasy.

He seemed kind of insecure in the end, telling me that he hoped things would work out but that he's afraid I'd be too dependent on him or that I would remind him of his life in Europe, where he had some psychological issues that he hasn't got in the Korean-isolation-bubble (he called this so himself).

I'm sitting at the London airport right now waiting for my transit to the continent, and I am quite severely depressed. The earliest date we could settle to see each other again (if things turn out well) is beginning of June, for 6 weeks then.
How do you cope with goodbyes for such a long time?

[TwoThree]

To me it sounds like this guy is playing with you and manipulating you. Also aren't you the least bit shocked that he seems to always criticize you? "You have to improve yourself" "you're not good enough for me as things stand" "you are too dependent on me" "you remind me of bad stuff"?

Maybe it's just me, but if a guy I'm in a relationship with was so demeaning of me all the time, I'd have written him out of my life a long time ago.

[OperaDiva]

So he breaks up with you (again), distances himself from you with lame excuses (to make himself feel better, I suppose), and you are asking how to deal with 6 months apart ... can you really not see a problem here?

[differentcountries]

I think the main concern here is not the long wait until June, but if you are willing to wait for this guy at all. Even if he has insight into his own problems they may inflict on you if he does not have the way to solve them. Him saying you remind him of his issues /bad past may be true, but it is a cruel thing to say to you. If you want to continue with this man, you need to do something about the way you communicate.

[stormy]

I feel as if that back and forth on and off again in relationships is so difficult and heartbreaking as a CD relationship that I would think long and hard about whether it would be worth even continuing this LDR. Something has to change so that you do not feel the way you do, sure you can be sad about saying good bye for so long, but is that REALLY where your depressive feelings at stemming from?

[Blege]

I don't know, sometimes I wonder whether it is me being overly sensitive and distrusting that leads to his behaviour. Maybe I pressure him too muh sometimes. He broke up with another girl for me, he told his mother, the person he said he finds it the most difficult to tell because she really is someone complicated. And yet on Friday it was me who started the fight and said he would hide me from the world which, by all means, isn't true anymore. He works on it and told me that he understands my concerns, and still I wanted more and didn't stop the fight. When it comes to his family I am completely irrational, whereas he tried to reconcile all the time. I felt really ashamed of myself afterwards and when I apologized he told me it was ok and that he was used to it. This made me even sadder. I don't want to be this person. I used to start a fight with him all the time over absolute nothing and I try to improve that but Friday I jist snapped.

Another example: Yesterday night in the hozel i noticed that he put the pillow I always sleep with and which I wanted him to have back into my backpack. He never wanted it in the first place, said that it belonged to me as I habe it since birth, that he would be afraid to lose it (he really looses a lot) and that he would feel bad if it wasnt with me. I insisted on giving it to him though and in return he gave me one of his grandparwnts cuddling animals that means so much to him.
When I saw the pillow in my stuff I started to cry really hard and my mother asked me what was going on. I told her and she disagreed with my feeling that he just didnt want it but that he cares for me and knows how much this pillow meams to me and that I should stop overreacting.

He is insecure, but I am too and maybe I somehow contribute to his concerns sometimes. I dont want to downtalk his behaviour but I hope there is a way we can start to trust each other again.

Any thoughts/ideas?

[TwoThree]

Well, here are my thoughts/idea:

You are blaming yourself for the way he abuses you. That is really not healthy and it's making me really sad His behavior is NOT your fault. His behavior is due to him being an asshole.

He broke up for a girl to be with you. That kind of shit happen. He didn't do you a favor. If he loved that girl he wouldn't have broken up with her.

He told his mother about you. How kind and generous of him! Isn't it natural to tell your parents (if you are close to them, that is) about special people in your life? Again, no favor.

Him telling you "it's ok, I'm used to it" after you apologize is so petty... There are no words to describe how bitchy he sounds, really.

[xanzbarr]

I think you have a wonderful opportunity coming up in your life going to Sydney to school. Heres your chance for an adventure and a time where you can meet a whole bunch of new people , see new places, and experience culture that may be different than your own. this guy is calling all the shots and youre allowing him to do so. I dont know if you see this. Why does he wish you would have told him about it before you did? What difference would that have made to him? Hes either going to maintain being in a LD relationship or hes not. What difference does it make where you are? You may get to Sydney and find you dont need him in your life any more. Open yourself to what life has to offer. Youre going to be far from home and you may grow away from him anyway. Hes mixed up or manipulative one or the other and you are about to make changes in your life. You dont need him now, although being in love with someone kind of negates being able to see that right now. Just dont let him ruin your chances of growth and learning. You need to look out for yourself. You can depend on yourself .I doubt you can depend on him, no matter how much youd like to. Love yourself right now and begin to prepare for the challenges and adventure youre about to face. I wish you the best and hope you begin to enjoy life whether hes in it or not!

[differentcountries]

Ok so maybe you started to the (drunken, tired) fight. But you are insecure due to him breaking up with you. He should know this and go out of his way to make you feel extra secure. He ought to weigh his words very carefully. He is the one who should prove to you he can act different. Of course you should try to be nice, too, but he should help you do this by acting decent himself.

[piratemama]

There's no other way of looking at this guy but that he's a jerk. Any decent human being wouldn't treat anyone, let along someone he supposedly loves, the way he has treated you. With love, distance is NOT an issue. Obviously, this guy has an issue with distance, so it seems like he doesn't care for you. I'd take him putting your pillow back as a bad sign, too. My SO and I have exchanged a few special items, too, and we were both glad to have them.

Focus on the positives in your life. Look forward to your wonderful experiences in Sydney. Write off this guy and don't look back, then maybe you can find someone who will love and adore you as you are. Remember, you can do bad all by yourself. You don't need some guy making you hurt and cry all the time. Stop making excuses for him.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's time to let this guy go. He's making you miserable.

Piratemama is one of the constant optimists of this group and even she says move on.

[Tooki]

Get away from your SO now.

Also enjoy Sydney! Let me know if you need any help, particularly as a student in Australia (I live in Melbourne but I grew up near Sydney and I know it pretty well(.

[piratemama]

I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's time to let this guy go. He's making you miserable.

Piratemama is one of the constant optimists of this group and even she says move on.

Thanks for the compliment. I do think being an optimist is a good thing. Sometimes a situation is so bad that you can't be optimistic. A glass can't be half-full when it is lying shattered on the floor.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Thanks for the compliment. I do think being an optimist is a good thing. Sometimes a situation is so bad that you can't be optimistic. A glass can't be half-full when it is lying shattered on the floor.

Definitely good to be optimistic! But yes, also realizing that sometimes optimism won't cut it.
To the OP, I think you can direct some positive optimism toward school/your new adventure in Australia. Sounds like it could be a great experience!