we both have great job opportunities in two different cities

[cfabiolac]

hi, this is my first post, me and my boyfreind have been together for over a year, about 6 months ago he got a great job in the west coast, and i was still doing entry level stuff in our original city (east coast). 2 months ago i moved closer to where my family lives and got a great position actually doing what i wanted to do and studied for, and it makes me happy.
Now what i have been worrying about is the fact that we will need to reconsider the whole moving in together. 2 months ago i would have done it without thinking because i wasn't attached to my job which also offers a lot of potential for growth.
my plan is to: still try to get a job where he lives and consider if it is a good move for me.
1) in the event it is, i will move
2) if it is not then i am afraid about considering staying and working on my own job experience (my boyfriend has been working for over 7 year so he is pretty much an expert in his area, me on the other hand am still starting)
i guess my main question is:
1) anyone has experienced any of this and would like to share anecdotes
2)could anyone outside of my situation offer some more objective views?
3) and if i happen to decide to stay, how could i deal with making the decision of staying apart longer (probably 2 years), anyone in this situation ever felt guilty, or should i expect my boyfriend to understand, does being apart gets any easier?
thank you for your input

[François]

Hi,

I am not in the same situation now, but I am close. I have my own company in France, and my girlfriend have a great job in Malaysia. We are together for only 3 months now, but we have already talk about that a lot of times. It's too early for us to take a decision, but we know that one of us will have to move in the future.

It's not an easy decision, I think you have to talk about that together to take a joint decision.
You are only considering two options. I understands that he work for longer in his job but it gives him the experience and it will certainly be easier for him to find a good job than you who is without experience. I think this option is not ruled out because it is not the only factor that comes into consideration.

In addition, it may be possible for you (or him) to find a job near each other before leaving the previous because you both have someone on site to explore.

Finally, although you can not spend all your life like that, I think you have to take your time so that no one of you will regret this decision in the future.

[Hollandia]

Me and my SO have had some long talks recently about how to close the distance. The one thing we both agree on is someone is going to have to sacrifice. The best thing is too decide which is best for you right now. Is your life quality going to be better with him for a few years in a job you might not love or is it going to be better without him in a job you do love? The fact is, you or he could lose a job at any time but for now you have these opportunities.

I don't think being apart gets any easier unless you get less connected. You might get used to it as it becomes a part of your day but it is more like the pain makes you numb from time to time. I would keep applying for work where your BF is like you said and take the local job if you are unsure. You should always be able to put in your notice and move if something comes along where he is. i don't think you should feel guilty but own the choice, if it upsets him, there is nothing stopping him from applying from work in your area either. One of you needs to sacrifice but it does not have to be you. As long as you both have open minds then it should be fine.

[nottheprincesspeach]

I got put in this position with grad school. My dad ended up sitting me down and asking me what my end goal was, what was the priority. If he was the end goal and priority, my dad said I should find a way to make it work and do grad school and put myself in the best possible situation while being with him. If the end goal was to be set up the best I could for school and career, he told me to focus on that and see if I could still fit him into my life. If I couldn't obviously the solution would be to find someone else. If that thought is unbearable to you, and you decide to stay then I would recommend bolstering down for the long haul on waiting.

I would also discuss with him the trajectories of your careers and see if it is possible for him to move to you so you could be in a better position, or if he could at least look for jobs in the area. I do recommend looking for opportunities near him (as I did and am applying) because maybe you'll get as lucky as I did and see an opportunity there that is even better than what you have that you would have never considered in the first place.