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How to bring this up gently...

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    How to bring this up gently...

    I have an interest in studying abroad, possibly in Germany or really anywhere, because I feel that college is the best time to travel. I have brought this up to my boyfriend before (our situation is a bit different, as we are only in a LDR for one month in the winter, and from May to August every year - college issues), and he isn't fond of the idea of me going away for a whole semester, because that would mean not seeing him for half a year. I don't think he means to hold me back, as he has told me before that it is my decision, of course, and he will support me in whatever decision I make, but ever since he told me that he thinks it would put a lot of strain on our relationship if we weren't able to see each other for half a year or more I am reluctant to even start looking for study abroad options. Any ideas on how to warm him up to this idea a bit more?

    #2
    Maybe introduce him to the forum? It might make him feel better to see that there are many other people surviving much longer periods and closing the distance successfully.
    On the other hand, you can't expect him to be jumping happy about it either. He sounds supportive, which is great in my opinion. And he is being realistic, because it will put a strain on your relationship and you need to be prepared for that.

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      #3
      I understand that it will put a strain on the relationship, but I know we can do it, and I also don't want to be held back from doing the things I want, you know? I know he's not going to be jumping happy about it, and neither am I, when it comes to the relationship part... I just don't want him to think that I don't care about us, and that I care more about what I want, no matter how much strain it will put on us..

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        #4
        You are totally right-- college is really the best and easiest time to travel. You'll never really have as comfortable an option to go abroad as studying abroad while in school-- something I didn't quite realize until I graduated!

        Maybe you can kind of bring it up one evening and tell him that you've been thinking about it and that this is something you really want to do, and you've been looking up ways of keeping your relationship going while you're gone and found some really good support. Anything to make him feel like you've thought about it and that it's doable. I agree, you could show him this forum if you think it's something he might use, and you can point out the number of successful couples who see each other even less often and for different reasons and still do fine.

        Remember that you and your education come first. If you want to study abroad, you go study abroad. These opportunities won't wait for you, but he can.
        Canadian permanent residence APPROVED!
        Closed the Distance: 09/26/2019
        Engaged: 09/26/2020

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          #5
          I don't really think he would like this forum, he's not really much of an internet person ("I hate technology!" he sounds like an old man :P)

          I think that he would understand if that's what I decided, I just really don't want to hurt him. Maybe I'm just not being assertive enough, I don't know.

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            #6
            Originally posted by me_andthemoon View Post
            I just don't want him to think that I don't care about us, and that I care more about what I want, no matter how much strain it will put on us..
            It sounds to me like you are feeling guilty about wanting to do something that will cause the strain. That has nothing to do with him, this is your feeling and you should explore it and decide whether you can deal with it or not.
            And it also sounds like you want to communicate better. So talk to him. Explain how you feel, explain what your needs are, and ask what he feels and what his needs are. Then you can decide whether you can meet both without any party making a compromise that will cause resentment.
            As a conclusion and from a lot of personal experience - yes to travelling when young PM me if you want to know about studying abroad, I've been a few places and wouldn't change it.

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              #7
              Yeah, that is partly it. If, god forbid, something were to happen to us in those months that I was away, I would feel guilty about it forever. I'm just scared that going away would "break" something that we have, and that it would be something that we could never fix, even if we did stay together, and I don't want to lose any part of our relationship.
              I know that if I asked him whether or not he would be upset if I went away, he would say no, and that he'd just miss me, but like I said - I don't want to hurt this relationship because I really value it, and think it is going good places, you know?
              Great! Thank you so much

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                #8
                I think, because he "hates technology" you will have difficulties staying in touch during your semester. The both of you need to be realistic about this. If he thinks joining an internet forum is too much, how will he cope with Skype and all the rest that is so crucial for the rest of us? He may have been used to 2 months away from you, which can be hard I know, but a whole semester is another matter, ESPECIALLY if you don't have the proper tools for communiccation. Is there anyway you can ease the distance? Can he learn to appreciate techology as a vital tool to see you? Are you able to visit once during your semester off (for all I know, there could be grant money for exactly that purpose)?
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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