Help with boyfriends depression?

[RachelEva]

I need someone to talk to about this that has been through it before, which I'm sure a lot of you have. It's not me that gets depression it's my boyfriend. We are a lot luckier than most couples on here in that we get to stay together for most of the year and he only leaves to do a season snowboarding each year (usually December-April).
We just did our first season apart and it was really difficult but I got through it, and I thought that he was having an amazing time until he came back. Once we had gotten used to being together again, something changed in him and I could see he wasn't happy. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he had been so upset in the months that he was away that he was considering suicide, and he had never been so unhappy in his life.
This is what I need help with -
We've talked about this for a very long time and the only options we can think of are:
1. Me dropping out of university and going with him
2. Him giving up on his dream of snowboarding and staying at home with me
3. We could break up and go separate ways and not worry about eachother anymore.
To me, none of these things are okay, I don't want to give up on my future and neither does he, and I have never been so sure of anything in my life apart from the fact that I want to be with him and he feels the same, so we don't want to break up.
Then there's the last thing, which seems like the most obvious and easiest solution but that's where I'm stuck. I need him to go and get help, I need him to talk to someone and figure out what it is that he needs to do so that he can be happy for those couple of months that he's without me and then we can do this two more times until I'm finally done with uni and I can go with him.
He just doesn't want to get help, he doesn't want to talk to anyone and I feel like the more he's upset and thinking about this and not getting help, he's going to end up convincing himself that the only thing we can do is break up and that is the number one thing I am trying to prevent. It just seems inevitable.
I'm really sorry if this is long and if I'm rambling but this relationship and making him happy means more to me than anything and I feel like it's because of me that he's depressed.
I really appreciate anyone reading this and hopefully someone on here can help me
Thanks
Rachel

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I've been through depression myself. And what helped me most was my boyfriend talking to me about my problems. Maybe if you are able to sit him down and talk to him explain you are worried, and then suggest it casually, but don't be pushy about it. It will turn him even farther away from the idea.

[GuineaPunk]

How much contact did you guys have during his snowboarding season? There is this deep feeling of isolation in depression, perhaps next season you could both go to extra lengths to make sure that you get plenty of chances to talk/facetime with each other to ease that. I'm just thinking that if you thought he was having a good time, perhaps you didn't talk to him as much as maybe you would have done if you had known that he was sad. I'm only speculating of course, as you haven't said in your post whether you were able to communicate with each other often while he was away.

As for seeking help, he might just need a little more time and encouragement. He has made the first step in acknowledging how he was feeling and talking to you about it, but he has to want to do it himself. You can of course help him find the help he needs as there are lots of different types of help out there, its not a one size fits all situation . But I don't think either of you should consider giving up what you love (in that I mean each other, and the things you love doing)

[distantkisses]

I think your boyfriend is bit embarrassed about it Ive had the same situation but try telling him you will go with him and then ask if he wants you in the room or outside and just wait for him it will just make him more comfortable to know he has support and to know you are there. but also tell his is important for your future together he does and his own future in snowboarding in order to keep him focused.
I hope this helped good luck and i hope he gets the help he needs

[ronjaandbirk]

https://members.lovingfromadistance....-of-depression

maybe you want to read this thread.. I started it as I am dealing with a simliar problem myself, and people said some useful things there.

One thing I would say tho, ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! make any life decisions you wouldn't also make if he wasn't depressed. in very very rare coccasions does just changeing a life situation help with depression, and the one giving up on their life goals would just start resent the other eventually. Even if it feels like "if only this was different in my life, I wouldnt feel this way" it usually isn't the reason for feeling suicidal. the root for feeling that downs are normally much deeper and started way earlier. there are of course exeptions, like going through traumatic event for exemple, but it is exeptions and not something you should ever count on.

The way I got my boyfriend to at least admitt he needed help was by telling him that I can only do so much to help him, and that it drags me down. I told him I needed him to at least make an effort and try to fix things, as I missed him, and need him to be there for me too (something he isnt able to do at the moment living in his own. dark space of a mind). I told him that if he cant try to go for himself he should at least try for me, because I'm compasionate and have to feel everything he feels too in a way, and that its ok if therapy doesnt work out, because its not for everyone, but that he really has to try.

he ended up feeling pretty guilty so now I am telling him everyday its not his fault. depression never is anyones fault. but at least he plans on getting help now.

Every copuple is different so I dont know if this approach would work for you, you have to follow your guts on that one. But try to get him to seek help and be careful to not let him feel to guilty for causing a problem. good luck!