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    #1

    Abroad for a Year

    I was reluctant to post at first, fearing that she'd read this, but I feel it's for the best.

    Yesterday, my SO left for France. She will be studying abroad for a year. I will see her during Christmas break, and that is it.

    We began our relationship knowing she was going abroad. At first, she was reluctant to take it seriously. I, however, took it seriously from day one. As time went on, we fell in love with each other. We ate nearly every meal together at the dining hall and loved spending time with one another. We slept together almost every night. When the summer started, she had to go back home (about three hours north). That was when the long distance relationship began. It was hard at first, but I got used to it. We saw each other every 2-3 weeks. Now, she is in France. It was difficult not seeing her for 2-3 weeks, but this... the magnitude of a year... is crazy. We have barely spoken today because she is so busy. The six hour time difference doesn't help either. I'm beyond jealous of her. The worst thing is knowing she will experience so much without me. There will be memories that I'm not a part of and truly wish I was. I'm reaching out to all of you in hopes you know what to do. How can I survive this year without her? I trust her, and know she would never cheat on me. I'm more worried about how I will cope. She's strong with these things, I'm not. I've had a rough time the past 3 months apart and it's hard to imagine another year. I had the underlying possibility to just take a bus up there if I'm sad. Now... now I can't see her no matter what. I can't afford a round trip ticket to France when I'm down and desperate for her touch. Any advice, any way you survived your LDR; please share it with me. I'll greatly appreciate it.

    Edit: I think I should be more specific with what I'm looking for. I would like advice on how to manage my emotions and how to not lose control of my life. I suffer from depression in the first place, so adding this could be dangerous. What is the best way to deal with not talking all the time? It will be 6pm here when she goes to bed. How do I not lose my mind while she sleeps?
    Last edited by SadPanda; July 31, 2014, 02:26 PM.
    Tags: abroad, france, long distance, studying
    #2
    Hobbies. Friends. Working out. Your own life. It's hard, but staying busy will keep you from dwelling too much, and will also ensure that you're taking time for you. And then bonus, you'll have stuff to talk to her about, too. Not just "went to class, and then I sat around til you were free."

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      #3
      Hey, I hope I can help you.
      Your relationship seems quite serious so I think you should not worry about cheating . Look, I felt what you feel now. My gf went to another country, she made many friends, and she lived many interesting experiences. As you said, not living with her those experiences and memories made me very sad.. She didn't know how I felt because I just wanted her to be happy. But she came back and shared all her experiences and memories with me, wishing I could be there with her and she told me that she missed me the most.

      My advice is: stay always strong. No matter how hard it is, try to think positively and always believe her. Your love is enough strong to deal with distance and beat troubles. Believe and trust your SO and find your own ways to be happy while you wait for her.

      Best wishes! I hope I could help you well.. If you need more help about this, just feel free to contact me through message in this site. I will do my best to help you

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        #4
        I would seriously reccomend you to have more visits, if only a week or a weekend visit. Work more and start saving up for trips.

        Secondly; get something done about your depression.

        Thirdly; get serious about hobbies. You should have something interesting to do most of the time. That way, you will have exiting things to tell her about, and your Skype sessions and phone calls will be interludes in your life, not always the main event

        Have you looked into count down calenders? It might be something one or both or you could do, to count down to visits and also keep in touch.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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          #5
          The only thing I can add is once things settle down, you'll both find a routine. I've got 7/8 hours difference depending on daylight savings time. Make sure you take care of yourself. Get out, seek a professional if you've not already. I dealt with depression for years and frankly you've got to make the decision to be responsible for it. You can't rely on the presence of others to make you better. Not fair to anyone.
          "Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."

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            #6
            Originally posted by merlinkitty View Post
            The only thing I can add is once things settle down, you'll both find a routine. I've got 7/8 hours difference depending on daylight savings time. Make sure you take care of yourself. Get out, seek a professional if you've not already. I dealt with depression for years and frankly you've got to make the decision to be responsible for it. You can't rely on the presence of others to make you better. Not fair to anyone.
            This. You'll get used to the way things work the more time passes by. As for depression, I have it myself; pills aren't the way, in my opinion, but if you really must, speak to your doctor. Short of this, a therapist or counselor might do the trick, or you can try and pick up on hobbies you do/did, and talk to friends and family about it. Just remember though... you are never alone in this.

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              #7
              Something you need to keep in mind is the fact that this will end. You have an end date that is definite. It may be further away than you'd like, but it is there and that is more than a lot of us can say. Start a count down. At first the 300 or however many days will seem so incredibly far away but then before you know it it will be 200 and 100 and then single digits and she will be home. Do not dwell on it, but know that it will go faster than you think it will.

              I know that long distance is incredibly hard, but as the others have said you need to have your own life! She will be experiencing life while she is there because she's in a whole new country and has no choice but to have a life. I was in the same boat as you when my SO went back home. He was seeing his old friends and going out and spending time with his family and I was sitting in my apartment. It was sad and it was lonely and I did struggle immensely at times. You will have moments of weakness, but you will also have moments of great strength throughout your time apart. My biggest piece of advice to you is this: take time for you. You get this amazing opportunity to do whatever you want whenever you want! It's as if you're single while still having the support of your loved one. Start a new hobby, join a club, make a standing date with a friend to get lunch or something, do whatever it is that you have wanted to do for a while! Make this time about improving you while you have the extra time without her.

              Also, make it a point to send a message at the same time everyday. That way you get a habit of always telling each other what happens every day, even the small things. It could be while the other is sleeping or not, just make sure you send one regardless. It really helps to have some type of communication everyday even if you're incredibly busy. Good luck and reach out to us if you need more support! This community is great when you're hitting the moments of fear, doubt, or just sadness.

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