Am I being too needy?

[aphrodite7]

Hey guys! I have been with my SO for almost 2 years. We have had our ups and downs but due to him starting residency in miami and me being in nursing school here in new york we find ourselves in this LDR. In my opinion i think i have adjusted pretty well but occasionally find myself with an overwhelming amount of sadness because I miss him (not that i don't miss him every other day). When this happens i try not to cry on the phone because i know that it makes him very sad and it pisses him off because he says i need to be stronger if this is going to work. I admit, i am a bit of a crybaby LOL but it hurts me! So lately i have been REALLY bad lately and keep saying i miss you i love you i miss you i love blah blah. and The other day he got upset and said he gets it and that i don't have to keep repeating it because i depress him . What can i do when i get into these moods guys? or what should i do in general? I'm so confused! help!

[Petals]

Hey guys! I have been with my SO for almost 2 years. We have had our ups and downs but due to him starting residency in miami and me being in nursing school here in new york we find ourselves in this LDR. In my opinion i think i have adjusted pretty well but occasionally find myself with an overwhelming amount of sadness because I miss him (not that i don't miss him every other day). When this happens i try not to cry on the phone because i know that it makes him very sad and it pisses him off because he says i need to be stronger if this is going to work. I admit, i am a bit of a crybaby LOL but it hurts me! So lately i have been REALLY bad lately and keep saying i miss you i love you i miss you i love blah blah. and The other day he got upset and said he gets it and that i don't have to keep repeating it because i depress him . What can i do when i get into these moods guys? or what should i do in general? I'm so confused! help!

I get like you do sometimes and my fiancé is usually sweet and reassuring, but when it seems like I am not snapping out of it he has said similar things to what your SO has said. It was harsh and I felt a bit hurt by it, but it helped me to snap out of it faster. It's the kick up the butt I needed at the time to just deal with the distance.

My advice, when you feel extremely needy, try to occupy your time even more. Look at pictures, reread messages, write in your journal etc and cry for a bit, but then force yourself to focus on something else. Get out and do stuff. It is easier said than done I know because I have had a really hard time lately, but you just have to keep at it.


You can also work out what exactly you need from him at this time and tell him. Then give him a heads up when you are getting like this. I will say to my fiancé, "please bear with me today, as I'm feeling more emotional than norm. I just need some reassurance , need to hear you tell me all sorts sweet nothings for a bit today."

It will only be for that day though, because the next day I will just have to pull it together and he's not then worried that I am going to take days to get out of this extra needy mood.

[aphrodite7]

omg those are really great ideas! thank you so much!

[aphrodite7]

omg those are really great ideas! thank you so much!

[Unconditional]

When I get in those moods I write down my feelings. That way I can reread them and kind of kick myself in the head for thinking those things because they are indeed ridiculous.
I'll admit it, I don't cry often but when your in that super down mood sometimes you just have to give yourself a mini pity party. Cry and then pull myself up by my boot straps and keep on chuggin'.

[crazycarrie06]

The first letters my SO and myself wrote to each other basically consisted of a list of all the reasons we loved each other - and why we were doing this. When I am feeling the way you are, I pull out his letter to me - and I read it again. It's a reminder to myself about his dedication to me and to us and makes me feel better. But it's also nice too because I get the sweet nothings without feeling like I have to beg for them from him. My step sister is in her residency now too - so if its anything like hers I imagine he is *super* busy. I am sure he doesn't mean to snap when he does - but it's an incredibly stressful part of a medical career. Doesn't excuse it though.

Also - I would just like to say. I hate the word needy. What does that even mean?! We all have needs, that's life. We have needs in every relationship: family, friends, colleagues, SOs. It's often used to demonize people who want to express those needs. As a woman we're supposed to be strong but we're also supposed to be helpless. We need to need them - but not too much? This is where needy comes from I think. You have needs. Embrace them. Sometimes those needs are much heavier emotionally than other times - and that's okay!.