How to LDR? In need of Hope.

[Licky003]

Dear all,

First of all, Thanks to you all for taking the time to read this. Any help I can get will be a godsend.

Let me explain the situation. I am an 18 year old boy, currently living in a conservative family in Singapore. My girlfriend is also 18, and also in a conservative family in Singapore. We've been schooling together for the last 5, almost 6 years now and have been the best of friends for most of this duration. Two years ago, we decided to explore our relationship a bit more and have been dating ever since. Since both our families are quite conservative, this has been a secret relationship except for a couple of confidants and our dates have been few in number and short in duration.

Even before we were in a relationship, we were inseparable. We used to text each other as soon as school got over and continued to do so till we slept at night. This habit has continued into our relationship and we still are inseparable. Basically, we are used to spending the entire day, from the moment we wake up to the moment we sleep, together.

However, now our school is over and we are going to go on to universities. I tried very hard to get into the same university as her, but I couldn't even get into one on the same continent due to my foreigner status in Singapore. I got into some very prestigious universities in U.K. and now as a last resort I have to move there. There is going to be around 7,000 miles in distance and 7 hours of time difference between us, not to mention busy schedules because of universities. We are both very much in love (I'm aware of our age) and definitely want to continue being together but are feeling very, very hopeless at the moment. My course is a 4 year long course and visits will be almost non-existent because of the expenses.

What to do? How to survive this together? She has basically given up and sunk into deep sadness and won't stop crying. And the only reason I'm holding together is her. Help us.

I am new here, so I apologize for any breaches I might have made in the posting rules, and for the lengthy post. I tried to make this as short as possible.

Thanks,
L003

[lyonsgirl]

Welcome to LFAD. Check out these posts, they might help. Poke around, if being on a forum is your "thing", this is a great place to be. A word of caution: one of the few things we're not big fans of around here is people asking for money. New or old members, it doesn't sit well here. Beyond that, we're a pretty welcoming bunch!

Starting a 4 Year LDR
How to keep hope?

But like I said, look around the forum. There are a lot more than just these two threads on suggestions for coping with being away from your SO (significant other).

[Licky003]

Thanks Lyonsgirl I have seen those posts and a couple more. I'm still looking, but apart from the inspiring stories of everyone here I just can't seem to see any hope. I keep telling myself that we'l be together at the end of this but as you know, it only gets harder. Especially with how we are. Its easy for her to start feeling hopeless because she has gone through a lot and while I've tried to help as much as I can, I know I haven't been entirely successful. I'm especially worried about how she will cope rather than how I will. I've been through depression before so I know that at the end of the day I can pick myself up and go on. But it tortures me to know that shes crying on the other end and I'm unable to do anything.

I am very confused right now, so umm.. sorry for breaking into a rant.

Hahaha.. wasn't planning on doing that sort of thing, but thanks for the warning? :P

Thanks again!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Hello and welcome! My SO and I are both students on different continents as well. As far as visits go, I know that they are crazy expensive, but try with all of your might to not say that they are "non-existent". Not seeing someone for 4 years (although do-able...and some people here have gone longer!) isn't terribly realistic. Even once a year would be extremely helpful for your relationship. It gives you something to look forward to for the year and you can break the time down in chunks, which would make it go so much faster. Neither my SO nor I have any extra money, but yet we have managed to see each other roughly every 7 months. We just decided that visits, even if we didn't necessarily have the money for them, were important for our relationship. A quick search told me that if you're flexible on your dates, you can fly from the UK to Singapore for ~500 euros. Not bad at all considering! The two of you need to talk about how important visits are to you and how often you intend to do it and then you need to just find a way to make it work whether that's getting a part time job to pay the flight or getting a loan from your parents or whatever it is.

As far as the whole LDR goes, the biggest piece of advice I can give is just to stay busy! The benefit of being LD while being so young is that fact that you can act like you're single (to a certain point, depending on your relationship) and do whatever it is that you want while still having someone there to support you and love you. It's awesome! You get a chance to grow so much when you're LD, so take advantage of it while you are and make sure you aren't just sitting at home waiting to skype all day and missing your SO. Join a club, start a hobby, hang out with friends, do whatever it is you do or have always wanted to do to make to time fly by. University is amazing. It can be the very best time of your life, or you can be sitting inside pining for your SO every day. It's hard, but don't waste the chance you've been given because, honestly, University FLIES by and I'm hanging on to the end of it as hard as possible because I'm not ready for it to be done. Good luck!

[tinaaa]

Hi! My SO and I are from Malaysia, so you could say that we're 'neighbours' haha! We started out texting a lot too. I was about to start work for him (yes he was my boss. Much controversy going on here lol) and I couldn't get my mind off him. I woke up with him on my mind and I go to sleep thinking about him. That was one month before starting work. We've only met once, but it's the texting that got us really close together. Anyways, I worked for him for three months and had to leave for the UK for my A levels. He knew that I was going to leave before we started but he wanted to go with it anyway, so here we are! Of course we had loads of fights before I moved here, mostly because of me and my stupid brain. Don't know what I was saying. But in the end, LDR didn't prove to be that hard after all.

We have been apart since August 2013 and between then and now, he's visited me three times and I went back to Malaysia once. I know travelling is expensive but if there's a will there's a way right? although it helped a lot that he was already in full time employment. Maybe get a part time job? It's not that hard to earn some extra cash. Currently it's 20 hours per week for a uni student and the minimum pay is 5.20 pounds per hour I think. So if you do the math, you could save up and buy a ticket back home! Besides, university life is much more flexible and you have much more free time for work.

J and I skype everyday. I'm not kidding. Like literally everyday we skype and every night before I sleep he wakes up at 6am (Malaysian time) to line me. I also line him before he goes to sleep (which is about 4pm UK time) Time becomes a very important factor in a LDR relationship. I have to get home in time to call him or use my mobile data to call him at 4 everyday. I know it sounds stupid and that I shouldn't let my life be 'controlled' in a sense but this is what we had to do (some kind of sacrifice i guess to keep our relationship going) It depends really if you are the type who likes to go out a lot and stay out late nights. I am not that kind of person as my time mostly revolves around college, work and family but if you do like going out, make sure you have skype dates at least once every week.

I hope my long post didn't put you off. All the best in your decisions and I hope you enjoy the UK!