Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Jealous of guys flirting with girlfriend...

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    Jealous of guys flirting with girlfriend...

    Hello everyone, I'd really appreciate some advice on my LDR situation

    I met my girlfriend in person in March and we dated for a few months. Things have been so great.
    But then she left to study abroad for 4 months (2 months into it now).

    She is in a country where the population is 95% male, and I'm so jealous whenever I hear the things they do. She tells me a lot of it, although some things she has told me by accident and it seemed she never intended to tell me.

    The guys there make sexual comments, and try to drag her back to their rooms. According to her you have two choices there - either get a boyfriend or have every guy coming after you. I found out today that everyone there thinks she is dating a guy over there, and he tells people he takes her back to his room.

    I do trust her, but I certainly don't trust the guys and I know how touchy they can be. She also has problems saying no and doesn't want to tell people if she doesn't like something to avoid embarrassment.

    This all makes me so angry, and I have such a hard time hiding the anger from her. I've told her how much I hate it, and how uncomfortable it makes me, but she doesn't want to do anything because it will be embarrassing.

    Despite all this she still tells me she misses/loves me etc.

    Do you guys think my feelings are justified? Is there any action I should take? Or should I simply try to change my view on this? I'd really appreciate advice.

    Thanks!
    Tags: jealous
    #2
    95% male???? That can't be right, I thought Qatar had the highest male:female ratio but that's a long way from 95%.

    That aside, if you're not happy about something, you're not happy. You don't need other people to tell you what should make you happy in a relationship. It seems like she's not willing to accept that it makes you uncomfortable, that's where the problem is.

    Comment

      #3
      Wait, what?! Is she studying in the Vatican?

      Besides that random "fact" I'd be less worried about the "flirting" and more worried about the flat out sexual harassment happening. I mean she has to pretend she's going home with someone to avoid rape? Wtf?

      This whole scenario has me concerned.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by 80anthea View Post
        95% male???? That can't be right, I thought Qatar had the highest male:female ratio but that's a long way from 95%.
        Hmm, good point guys. Maybe she was just exaggerating and I'm super gullible. Although the ratio is still high. (I don't want to mention the country on the slim chance she sees this).


        Originally posted by lucybelle View Post
        Wait, what?! Is she studying in the Vatican?

        Besides that random "fact" I'd be less worried about the "flirting" and more worried about the flat out sexual harassment happening. I mean she has to pretend she's going home with someone to avoid rape? Wtf?

        This whole scenario has me concerned.
        Yes I'm really glad it's not just me who sees this. She acts like it's no big deal, and it's just part of the culture, but I can't deal with it. It's a strong Muslim country though and I suspect that plays some part into less rights for women.

        Comment

          #5
          I guess what she means is that the women doesn't go out as much. So there might be more men than women in the streets. Or there could be a lot more men studying her subject or studying alltogether.

          It sounds like she found a sort of solution to the daily sexual harassment.harassment, by agreeing with a friend to fake a relationship. Why you are jealous of this situation, however, is beyond me. It sounds very usexy to have to watch your every move like she does. It is not like she is actually into it - and even if she was, it might be very dangerous to act on it in such an environment.

          There is probably very little you can do about it, unless you have a clever trick up your sleeve. Of course she acts like it is no big deal, if she felt it was a big deal she might want to go home. Do you want her to go home?
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
            It sounds like she found a sort of solution to the daily sexual harassment.harassment, by agreeing with a friend to fake a relationship. Why you are jealous of this situation, however, is beyond me. It sounds very usexy to have to watch your every move like she does. It is not like she is actually into it - and even if she was, it might be very dangerous to act on it in such an environment.
            Perhaps you're right. I know I am a very jealous person, far beyond average. I really hate the feeling of another guy pretending to be with her. I know for her it's a good cover up, but for him it's probably real. I worry that he thinks he's going to "score" or something. Again, I trust her so I don't know why I feel this way

            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
            There is probably very little you can do about it, unless you have a clever trick up your sleeve. Of course she acts like it is no big deal, if she felt it was a big deal she might want to go home. Do you want her to go home?
            I think, although I would feel so much better if she went home, I ultimately want her to be happy, even if it means I'm unhappy. I just worry that her niceness will get her into a tricky situation..

            (thanks for the replies by the way guys)

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by thatdude View Post
              I really hate the feeling of another guy pretending to be with her. I know for her it's a good cover up, but for him it's probably real. I worry that he thinks he's going to "score" or something.
              Maybe so. But he isn't going to "score" unless your SO lets him. Do you really think she is going to cheat on you?
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                Maybe so. But he isn't going to "score" unless your SO lets him. Do you really think she is going to cheat on you?
                I don't, no. The only thing I worry is that she might have a different idea of what's acceptable. Like she might think hugging is fine, whereas I'll be uncomfortable with that. I suppose I could tell her that and try not to sound like I don't trust her..

                Comment

                  #9
                  While I agree it is healthy to share your concerns, also consider her situation. She is surronded by bohtersome men yet you plan to tell her she should not hug the one person helping her. Does she have female friends at all over there?
                  I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                  - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                  "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Why is this so much about the men and their behaviors? Do you trust her?

                    It seems a little bizarre to conjure up stories of having a boyfriend there. How do you feel about that? Surely a woman can define her boundaries around what she will tolerate, and if no boundaries are defined around what she will tolerate, then she is condoning the behavior. Period.

                    Example: I needed a lawn guy. The lawn guy came to my house and gave me an estimate. After we met and he gave me an estimate, he began texting me in the mornings and the evenings. I communicated to him that I only wanted my lawn mowed. In no way was I interested in morning and evening texts. He cut my grass one time, and then I never heard from him again. See how things worked when I communicated what my boundaries were? I was not interested in dating or flirting with a lawn man - I simply wanted my grass mowed. Once I communicated that, he moved on. That's what a good boundary will do for a person. I didn't make up an imaginary boyfriend or anything.

                    Not everyone has good boundaries. It's hard to date people who don't have good boundaries. I've been there before, and it's not a place that I want to re-visit.

                    Consider how you feel about her actions, and whether or not you trust her. This is not really about what other people are doing. I highly doubt the population is 95% male, and even if it is, she is responsible for her own actions.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Additionally to what hmrambling is saying, instead of worrying about whether or not she might cross a line, talk to your SO about your boundaries as well and find a compromise that works for the both of you when it comes to socializing with the other sex and what is considered cheating. For some people, cheating starts when sex with another person is not communicated about beforehand, for some holding hands is cheating, it's different for everyone and that's why it's so important to talk to your partner.

                      Some things might be blatantly obvious to you, but might not seem that obvious to her - e.g. you say you wouldn't like her hugging any male person, do you never hug any female person?
                      When defining your lines, make sure they're fair to the both of you and are realistic - for example, saying she can't talk to any male person would not be possible so don't even go there :P

                      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                      Married: 1/24/2015
                      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by snow View Post
                        Additionally to what hmrambling is saying, instead of worrying about whether or not she might cross a line, talk to your SO about your boundaries as well and find a compromise that works for the both of you when it comes to socializing with the other sex and what is considered cheating. For some people, cheating starts when sex with another person is not communicated about beforehand, for some holding hands is cheating, it's different for everyone and that's why it's so important to talk to your partner.

                        Some things might be blatantly obvious to you, but might not seem that obvious to her - e.g. you say you wouldn't like her hugging any male person, do you never hug any female person?
                        When defining your lines, make sure they're fair to the both of you and are realistic - for example, saying she can't talk to any male person would not be possible so don't even go there :P
                        I completely agree with this. Once you set those boundaries though, you need to just take a step back and trust your girlfriend. If you can't do that, then that is a major problem. Also, remember that relationships are about compromise. While I understand that you don't want her to go back to a guys place or act like she's dating him, there are some things that I would not be okay with my SO telling me I can't do. One of those things would be hugging a purely platonic friend. One of my best friends is a guy and I trust him to not step over that line (not that he would either--platonic from both ends). The point is that I hug him, he walks me home, I've slept on his couch, and a variety of other situations that it sounds like you would not be okay with and I absolutely would not be okay with my boyfriend telling me that I can't have a friendship with this guy strictly because he's a friend. I'm not doing anything to step over a line, and he trusts that. Long story short, you can do "intimate" things with your friends (such as hugging, having them walk you home, etc) without it being even slightly romantic. You have a right to set your boundaries, but you also have to remember that she is allowed to act whatever way that she sees fit. Either you trust her to not go over those boundaries or you continue to worry about every guy friend she ever has from here on out.

                        Comment

                        Previous template Next
                        Working...
                        X