He'll be sleeping next to her

[Caitlin]

So today, I acted like a crazy you-know-what and now I feel so completely stupid. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year now, not long distance. We had a normal, see each other every day kind of relationship. Now he is on a three month business trip... he's only been gone eight days. He has very little time to communicate with me, due to several reasons (he's training for a job, working 14 hours a day with no cell service) and most of the conversations we've had so far have been nothing but frustrating. Today, I noticed on Facebook that he has made a lot of new friends at the training camp, and was tagged in a bunch of pictures. The pictures were completely normal, human interactions and in no way represented anything bad, but for some reason seeing him with another girl's arm around him, even if it's professional, really bothered me. THEN I found out that when his training is over, he and his partner (some skinny blonde chick) will be spending the traveling portion of the trip in a pretty strange way... The company only gives them a certain amount of money, per night, for hotels, gas, and the rental car. I have been told that the company is requiring them to share a hotel room! Separate beds, obviously, but still... he will be sharing a bathroom and sleeping a foot away from some other girl for three freaking months!! Now, I have complete trust in him and know he would never cheat on me, but this situation makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. He's already talking about being able to have the weekends to go out and explore new bars and herbal shops with his partner... and that makes me feel even more upset! My mind only wanders... What will it be like when they come back to their room some night, drunk and after I'm sure getting to know each other better and possibly even becoming close? Should I be worried? Is this business adventure normal? I've never heard of a company doing this before, but maybe I'm wrong... Is this a West coast thing?? Anyways... I feel like a crazy person and he is talking about how he needs me to let him do his thing and get this job so we can have a better life, which I could not be any more grateful for. But I've gotta say, this is really making me feel out of control and worried about the next three months. Someone tell me it'll be alright. I can't stand the thought of losing him.

[differentcountries]

Apart from the sleeping in the same room thing, which is weird but makes sort of financial sense, you are basically upset because he has an attractive, female partner. You think that between working 14 hour days and sleeping, he will flirt with her. Does he have a history of being smitten easily?

My SOs job is to be surrounded by girls in bikinis, smile to them and bring them drinks. One of the reasons that scenario doesn't make me jealous is because I know historically he doesn't fall for women easily. Do you have something you know about your man that might help you calm down?

[R&R]

He's been up front with you and honest about the whole thing. He's not trying to hide anything from you or anyone else. You have to take his word and trust him at this point. Making up scenarios in your head and driving yourself crazy is not going to help you or your relationship.

My SO owns his own company. His job has him in people's houses all the time. Who knows what's waiting for him when he gets there. I have the choice of either stressing myself out and wondering what could be happening while he's at these houses or realize that he only wants me and it doesn't matter. I choose not to stress.

In my early 20's, one of my best friends was a guy. On nights his gf was there, she slept in the bed with him and I took the couch. On nights she wasn't there, you'd better believe I was in that waterbed for a great nights sleep. Did she care or worry? Not a bit. She trusted him and she trusted me. Nothing ever happened between me and my friend either.

[sasad]

Umm. As much as I have been forced to travel, opposite sexes airing a room?? Nope. Think of the lawsuits if one cries rape.... I know it can happen same sex too, but nope. Sorry.

[lucybelle]

My SO travels for work quite a lot and always with other males and has only one time had to share a room. The reason he had to is they found out really last minute they had to go (I'm talking he went to work in the morning, came home to pack, and left at lunchtime) and the place was at the beach do only one room was available. It sounds really sketchy to me that this "business" would only pay for one room, especially with opposite sexes.

[Caitlin]

Thank you! He does not have any kind of history with cheating or anything like that. He has told me stories of times, before we met, when girls have been all over him and even tried to seduce him and he has always made them back off and said he wasn't interested. I know he wouldn't do anything. It's his partner who I've never met that I don't exactly trust. Even after creeping on her Facebook page, I get a weird vibe that she might try something. I guess the main issue is that I have talked to him about how uncomfortable it makes me, and he's basically just told me I have to get over it, because this is the way it has to be and everyone is going to have to have the same set-up for financial reasons. I just wish he would try and act like he's not okay with it either, but his "it is what it is" mentality makes me feel like he's looking forward to it... I know that's crazy. I'm becoming so jealous it scares me. I know I could end up pushing him away if I don't chill out, so I'm trying to give him space and trust him more and let him know that I know everything will be okay. This just sucks! I really hope three months goes by sooner. Thanks for the reply

[sasad]

Still not buying it. Sorry. Do searches online... The lawsuits that can happen for harassment etc. I still fail to see that happening by a legit company. Also, I am sure he is not the only male or she the only female. If it bothers you so much, why can't he ask for a roommate change?
I dunno. Like lucybelle said....sketchy.

[differentcountries]

Maybe, but if you think your SO is lying to facilitate cheating, the room sharing isn't really the issue anymore...

[Caitlin]

In order to fully understand the reasons behind his company's choices, you would have to know more details... There are twenty nine girls and nine guys, including my SO. After training, everyone gets paired up with a partner and each set of partners goes off for eleven weeks of college recruiting at a different college every week. Each set of partners is placed in a specific territory, and they are the only two in that territory, so there is no option of asking for a roommate switch. Anyways... I was just looking for encouragement, not more worry. I do enough of that on my own.

Just like differentcountries said, there would be a bigger issue if I was worried about him cheating. The thing that's bugging me is how to cope with being uncomfortable with this, while still believing in us and having faith in him.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

My SO always says "I trust you, I just don't trust your friends" and to be honest, it really, really irritates me. I would not choose to surround myself with people who are hitting on me or making me feel uncomfortable in any way. If you trust me, then you should trust my judgement and to distance myself from anyone who is taking advantage of our friendship or the situation. I know that your SO isn't choosing the situation or his partner, but I think the same principle still applies. If you trust him, it doesn't matter what she does because you know your SO won't cheat on you. Likewise, if she does try something, you have to trust that he would shut it down and distance himself as much as possible from her. It sounds like, no matter how sketchy, he doesn't have an option with this, so you have to just suck it up and accept it. The sooner you do, the better it'll be for both of you and your relationship as a whole.

[lucybelle]

I can't believe the female is okay with this. Nevemind that guys are gross and we only put up with their habits because we love them, but I, personally, would be super uncomfortable having to share a room with a male stranger!!! (Because I have before when single, and let's just say barriers were not maintained and it was not me that initially crossed the line)

[Scouse05]

I'm in a same sex relationship which means if either my SO or I go away with work and share a room it is always with another woman. To add to this we are both in the army (different countries) and surrounded by women in uniform, something we are both attracted to hehe. It has never even entered my mind that her sharing a room would be a threat to our relationship. Maybe because I know that I would never cheat on her and I trust that if she wanted to do something with someone else she would end our relationship first. We both have friends & colleaugues that we spend time away with but neither of us has met yet, we have great times with these people and tell each other who we are with without worry that either of us is cheating.

To be fair, of anyone's SO is going to cheat they don't have to be away to do it. People can cheat whilst living in the same house as each other. Your SO has been up front with the situation and you know him better than anyone. I doubt he'd admit to sharing a room with this woman if he was going to sleep with her.

My advice to you is to stop putting your life on hold because he is away. Get out there and have some fun with your own friends. This will not only take your mind off the fact he is away but it'll also give you the opportunity to do stuff that maybe you wouldn't or don't have time to do when your SO is home.

[hmrambling]

I've shared a room with my male supervisor on a convention trip. I'm lesbian. He's straight. It was no biggie.

Either you trust him or you don't.

Get on with living and do things for yourself. Worrying isn't going to help matters.

[MollyLovesBowie]

I have shared many a motel room with big male wrestlers. Putting up with all of the drunken (among other things) nights and everything that goes along with sharing a room with men, there was no freaking way in the universe I ever had one thought of hooking up with any of them. Its just cheaper for us to share sometimes six to a room (I never slept on the floor, guys were usually passed out on the floor). They were nice to me and courteous when I wanted to use the facilities. But hells no was I ever interested in them other than being co workers. Even the guys that the girls thought were hot, repulsed me. I just dont have a thing for big muscular guys whatsoever. When you're a chick you dont see them as any more than the guys you travel with. My SO isnt a roided out gym rat and he is very attractive to me!! I wouldn't worry so much about sharing a room, it brings out the "guy" in guys and theres nothing worse than constant flatulence all night. I wore earplugs. I also napped in the rental cars between shows. And as a heads up, deodorant and AXE body spray is no substitute for a shower!