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    #1

    He is not investing much of his time

    so my boyfriend and i are in a LDR for just 2 months now.
    and i'm really having a hard time.

    we talk almost everyday but for just 30 minutes to an hour and just on chat.
    we skype call once a week but because he was busy, we haven't done it for two weeks now.

    my problem is, he seems to be busy all the time but i see him online on facebook and liking posts.
    i message him and he does not reply immediately, sometimes even more than a day.
    when we chat, he would just be gone and would not reply anymore.
    he tells me he loves me. i know he does.

    but i wonder how can i make him initiate more and invest his time on me?

    other sites say that i should withdraw. but i don't really know what to do.

    is this just normal?

    thanks!
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    #2
    It is certainly hurtful. The most important question is; is he really that busy? It seems odd because you are so early in the relationship.
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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      #3
      Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
      It is certainly hurtful. The most important question is; is he really that busy? It seems odd because you are so early in the relationship.
      we have been together for 8 months.
      6 months together and 2 months LDR.

      he's busy with work and working on his papers there.

      i don't know if it's really normal.
      i actually feel that he's taking me for granted because i was always understanding :/

      Comment

        #4
        Even though my SO works night shifts and there's an eight hour time difference between us, he still manages to allocate enough time per day for talking etc. Even if you're super busy, there's no real excuse for it because he should be able to MAKE time for you without you having to ask.

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          #5
          Originally posted by Honour View Post
          Even though my SO works night shifts and there's an eight hour time difference between us, he still manages to allocate enough time per day for talking etc. Even if you're super busy, there's no real excuse for it because he should be able to MAKE time for you without you having to ask.
          aww. knowing this hurts more :/
          i'll try talking with him later.
          can you give me some advice on how i can communicate this to him easier?

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Honour View Post
            Even though my SO works night shifts and there's an eight hour time difference between us, he still manages to allocate enough time per day for talking etc. Even if you're super busy, there's no real excuse for it because he should be able to MAKE time for you without you having to ask.
            I know what it is like to date someone super busy and exhausted. Sometimes there are real issues.

            The danger here lies in that they are so fresh in long distance, and already he is setting up a restricted scedule that he is not even keeping. Also, when you have so little time, you don't have the uppertunity to really talk things over (Skype time easily become a problem free zone just to enjoy seeing each other's faces), and when small conflicts arise that can't be resolved or talked over, resentment can build up very strongly.
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by yehlchii View Post
              aww. knowing this hurts more :/
              i'll try talking with him later.
              can you give me some advice on how i can communicate this to him easier?
              Pick the right moment to bring it up. Make sure you're both relaxed and there's no tension already.
              In general, I think it's best to be open and straightforward when communicating with your SO. Say what you mean and ask clear questions, avoid dropping hints or trying to read between the lines. Most of the time that only causes misunderstandings.
              Another thing I have learned as a pedagog is to use I-messages instead of You-messages, e.g. say things like 'I feel like...', 'I have noticed that...' or 'I wonder if...' rather than 'You should...' or 'You never...'. Those usually come across as accusatory and put your partner in a defensive position.

              Comment

                #8
                The most important thing is to communicate!

                Maybe your SO doesn't know that you'd like him to at least acknowledge the messages you sent him by simply saying "thank you" or send an emoticon back! Maybe he doesn't know he should tell you when he leaves his computer. It seems so obvious, but it really isn't. A friend of mine did it for almost a year until his girlfriend finally spoke up about it and asked him to atleast let her know when he leaves the computer, so she doesn't wait for hours on end while he is watching a movie or doing other things.

                Talk to him, let him know that if he is busy, he can just send you something that lets you know that he is busy, like a short smiley face or something like that. With the husband, we agreed to send a quick "!" when we were too busy to talk and both of us understood that means the other one will come back to us as soon as possible, but at this moment right now they can't talk.

                Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                Married: 1/24/2015
                Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by yehlchii View Post
                  aww. knowing this hurts more :/
                  i'll try talking with him later.
                  can you give me some advice on how i can communicate this to him easier?
                  There's no real right time. I guess just pick the moment you think is best. If I sounded harsh, I apologise. It wasn't intended. I'm just rather overly blunt sometimes.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by yehlchii View Post

                    but i wonder how can i make him initiate more and invest his time on me?
                    Why would you want to make him? Look at your motives. What do you really want, and why do you want it? Have you talked to him about how you feel? Also, it is important that he has a life. It is important that he has friends, has a social life, goes to work/school.

                    Let him initiate contact. Let his actions show that he cares. If you communicate what you want and why you want it, and he has little regard about what you want, then that will also be a demonstration about whether or not he values your input and opinion.

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