LDR when married.

[Beahgirl]

I'm curious to hear about how couples cope with a long distance relationship when they are married. Is it better or worse than when you were dating?

[Honour]

I'm not married myself, but I've known a couple (outside of LFAD) who've been through this. It can be pretty rough. The lady told me she often found herself crying herself to sleep at night, kept getting tons of questions from friends who'd see her with the ring on her finger and ask where her husband was, which didn't really help. The man kept getting advances on him from women who tried to push their luck, though he never paid them any attention, and he found the situation they were in tough to cope with. They did manage to have 1 visit before they finally closed the distance a few months down the line, and they've been living together ever since. Having seen how they both reacted, I wouldn't like to get married then be long distance again. It would tear me up, to be honest, but that's just me. I'm pretty sure others would have less rough experiences, but all in all, I wouldn't say it's a good idea. If it can be avoided, then try to avoid it.

[R&R]

There are many people who are in LDR's and are married. Think of all the military couples who may not only be separated but one or both may also be in very dangerous situations while deployed. Sometimes one spouse is home while the other is deployed. Granted, this particular kind of LDR generally has its own support system by the military spouses who remain behind. But it's still married couples who are LDR.

I was in an LDR and I moved to him and we were married. My children, who had given their blessing on the move and marriage, ended up struggling greatly when I left. They come first, and I had to move back home to NH which was 3,000 miles from my husband. About a year later we ended up divorced. He couldn't move here yet because of his children's ages and I wasn't moving back to CA. These couldn't be compromised and we didn't want to be LDR for another 11 years. Our family and friends understood. My ex and I are still very good friends.

I didn't find the fact that we were married made it any worse or better than when we were dating. We were apart. No matter which way, you still have to find ways to cope with the distance.