LDR Newbie: From non-believer to believer

[bluescarlet]

Hi, everyone. Newbie. I joined just to surround myself with people in the same situation.

I used to think I can't do LDRs, I don't even believe in it (thinking it was pointless). I was with my bf for 2 years and 7 months already and we had plans to get married. A job opportunity (such a noble job) came and he had to leave for Africa. Instead of breaking up, we decided to do LDR because we are really serious for each other. I encourage self improvement, and this Africa gig will really do him well so I supported him 100%. I'm actually not sure it's 100%, because I had that tinge of hope that he wouldn't pursue it, for selfish reasons. :P But in my mind, I know this is good for him.

It's been 2 months now and I really get lonely. I was so used to be around him. I feel like chatting or skype-ing, or sending funny photos in FB are not enough. I can't touch him, smell him, hug him, hold his hand, etc. I really want to make this work for us. He told me his company will pay for flights back here every 6 months for a month-long holiday. How do you guys do this? I cry a lot recently.

I will go to Australia late next year for work. We are both not sure how we'll make this relationship work without sacrificing careers and each other. He plans for us to both work in Australia. He'll transfer there after 6 months (or after a year) I've transferred there (around 2018). Our wedding plans is all vague, we just know we'll get married in 2017/18/19. I'm having doubts in our relationship. I'm worried, we might not get through this.

Long term goal is to go back here in SEA, settle down, and have kids. I'm late twenties, he's mid twenties.

[TaraMarie]

You just figure it out as you go along. You have skype dates. You send photos of the things you are going to keep him actively in your life. You rely on the Internet and you talk as much as possible. Above all, continue to have a life with your friends! Keeping busy is key. Long distance is so hard...and in my case I see him every weekend now that he has "moved" here (he still commutes for work every Monday and Friday).

I don't wish long distance on anyone. But if he's worth it you do it. And I know this is hard to believe right now but the time really passes quickly. I can't believe we are coming up on four years already! Seems like I only met him a few months ago!

[musicalgirlxoxo]

TaraMarie has already said the first thing I would have said: Keeping yourself busy is such a great tool in a LDR. Think about favorite hobbies, new things to try, or just really getting involved in another aspect in your life. It gives you something to do and focus on, something you can potentially talk about when you get to Skype, and it can be a great way of self-improvement for yourself as well!

I totally can relate with the whole feeling selfish thing; I still struggle with that sometimes, but good of you to let him go! (What a cool opportunity!) Loves like long distance ones are all about sacrifice, and in some ways I've always been thankful for that, because I feel it prepares you for a longterm relationship in general; distance or not. If it is his idea to transfer to Australia, he is doing it because he believes in you both, as a couple. and that is not a bad thing! It's important though to make sure you think about how you feel about it, and honestly everything else. It's a tough question to ask, but what about distance makes you have doubts in the relationship? Is Australia what you want? Are you worried about resentment? What is it specifically you worry about? Some of these are things that only you will know, but they are important.

I'd also want to say how great it is that you do have a plan! Having a date to look forward to, to see that special someone again can give you something to be excited about and look forward to, for both him coming home, for a wedding date, and even to be thinking about the long-term future. Having an end date, helps immensely with LD. I know it may seem far off and scary, but when two people want it and each other to work out, it is possible. And from my experience, coming back together makes all the time apart so worth it.