Being International Poses New Challenges for LDR Veteran

[musicalgirlxoxo]

So my boyfriend and I have been in a LDR for nearly five years now.
We started in college, going to schools that were nearly 5 hours away from each other. In the beginning it was tough, but we were both the involved type, and so we quickly fell into routines, planned skype/calls, kept ourselves busy, and survived the four years together. After we graduated this past May, I found a job opportunity in China for a year. The plan was for us both to travel to China and work for a year, however, he was unable to find a job so he stayed behind in the states. We told ourselves that we could do one more year; we knew it would be tough, and different, but we could do it.
In general, things have still be great and strong for us. I'm more than half way done with my year contract here, and then I plan to go home to him. However, I'm still slightly struggling. We had managed to adjust to a college LDR, one that didn't have different time zones, and where we had similarly flexible schedules. But now, we're dealing with a 14 hour time difference, 7223 miles, completely opposite schedules, and no adjustments whatsoever. I won't be seeing him in person again until the end of June. We're pretty good about communication, but I'm just worried that this type of distances poses all kinds of things that I'm still not sure how to deal with. I fear being a bother or pestering to find times to talk, when we both do lead very independent lives.
How have others dealt with international LDRs? What advice can you share?
I'm confident that we will come out of this stronger than ever, I just know the next few months are going to be tough.

Just a closing as well, I'm brand new to this site, and just tickled pink in the support it offers! Love this idea so much, and sending out positive vibes to everyone here! <3

[MissingMyDutchLove]

It sounds like you have already acknowledged the fact that your relationship has changed when you went to China. That is HUGE, because a lot of people don't realize that being LDR in different places have different challenges. It is super important to know that your LDR won't be the same as it was when you were just a few hours away. You need to find new coping mechanisms and rhythms to make this continue to work.

You've made it through most of it! Only 5 more months left! I know that may seem like a lot, but keep remembering that you get to be with him forever at the end of this time. You are almost done with LD! I have read over and over again that the last few months are the hardest, but I am just experiencing that for the first time myself. So hang in there, you're so close to the finish line!

As far as what we do to make this work, we send a daily message to each other recapping our days and saying anything else that we didn't get a chance to say. I send mine at night before I go to bed and he sends his in the morning before I wake up so that we both wake up to messages. I highly recommend this! It really helps us stay connected even if we aren't able to talk for the day. We also plan when we are going to skype on a weekly basis. It changes for us daily, so someone will say when they are able to and the other will respond with a better time or when it works for them. It actually works pretty well because we always have a time in mind so we aren't waiting all day for each other.

[differentcountries]

We have only 1 hour time difference, but our work life have not always matched so well. Basically he used to work very long hours in summer. In winter his shiftss were not so long, but he started his shift before I was finished with my job meaning he would still finish work close to midnight, so it was actually worse communicationwise. We ended up reducing our Skyping and rather rest/sleep most of the nights, that made our Skyping more ejoyable.

[kittyxuchiha11]

My SO and I have a 8 hour time difference and sometimes it can be hard to find time to spend together. Recently i've been totally exhausted and going to bed before midnight so we aren't really talking in the evening and then by the time i wake up in the morning she's gone to sleep. I used to stay up until like 3am every night waiting for her to come online so we could talk but we're now at a point in our relationship where we can just leave a few messages and actually have a decent sleep pattern. Since we're both have weekends off just now we have our date night set for every saturday, it's incredibly important to have at least one night a week where you can talk, so my SO and I always make sure to talk for at least a few hours at some point at the weekend even if we have plans we'll still have a little catch up on life even if it's just through messaging on facebook.