Re Entering Long Distance status with fiance'

[Sweetheart6415]

I really need some advice on how to re adjust back into a long distance relationship, been feeling really down and frustrated these past few weeks and it's started turning me into an angry person.
Here's a quick background into our relationship, we dated for a year while we were both at college then the following year at the end of the semester I was accepted into my degree. This required me to move down to Palmerston North and be away from my boyfriend, we coped well for the first semester both having our low and high moments. The following year my first semester became very stressful, but at the same time the happiest moment in my life happened when he proposed to me while I was visiting for a few weeks. When I had to go back it became even harder for me to leave and on top of this my degree became very demanding and my living conditions didn't help either, I ended up having a break down, so I made the hard decision to take second semester off and return to study in 2016. For the next six months I was at home in Auckland with my parents and with a full time job, I got to see my fiance' every weekend. And before I knew it those 6 months were over and I was returning to Palmerston North, leaving him this time was by far the hardest, I'd gotten used to seeing him and I knew what to expect. I cried a lot in those last few days.

Now few weeks down the line, I'm really struggling from being away from him. I just miss him so much and feeling very lonely. I miss little things like cuddles, holding hands, I also miss the intimacy which is why I'm so horny all the time. I've just started to notice how this frustration and sadness is making me grumpy and irritable, I get mad at my fiance' over stupid little things, and it's not just fiance' my moody attitude can target anyone. I just hate this person I'm becoming, I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do to relieve this frustration I don't want it to get to the point where it might affect my relationship, my education and my part time job. Any advice would be helpful.

[WarwickGuy]

I haven't re-entered a LDR myself, but I did go from a medium-distance relationship (see each other most weekends) to an LDR and it is tough. For me, there were tears when we parted and tears a week later as I drank a bottle of wine and found even video chatting her to only help temporarily. Those first few weeks were horrible! So it's fine you feel that way, but don't worry it doesn't have to go on like that

I think we can all on here agree that we miss our SOs a lot and that will not go away, unless we see them in person. In case you don't already, Skyping (especially), calling and texting your fiancée can help a lot. If the problem is you don't have time to do this, agree a time to put aside where you agree to only talk to each other with no (or minimal) distractions. It will help feeling of missing a lot.

As for loneliness, you can do things without your SO to help this. Keep yourself busy with your studies or a part time job, but especially socially, so if you have any housemates or college friends in the area, hang out with them. If your friends are busy, try joining a club at your uni and this should help as well meeting people with common interests.

Yes, the lack of cuddles and hand holding is very difficult to deal with at times and in many ways there are no real alternatives to it; that lack of physical touch is many ways the peak of frustration in LDRs. I can't really suggest much in this sense, other than using your imagination and allowing your emotions and his messages to act as a substitute for the lack of cuddling. You can always find a pillow to hug to help with the feeling of having someone/something else with you when you sleep . As for intimacy, although it varies from person to person, self-pleasure can help a lot and the internet has a lot of material available from porn to sex shops (to purchase certain assisting items), which can help you deal with some frustration; not to mention you can message your fiance when you are both feeling frustrated and get him involved...

At least you are aware your personality has changed in some way and is hurting others and not just yourself. My two main suggestions are: firstly, make sure you have a support group that you can turn to when you're feeling low and you are away from him and your family. This can be friends or if there are certain details you don't wish to discuss with them, you have LFAD always here to give you some sympathetic but brutally honest advice. It is important that you don't feel like you're dealing with everything on your own, as that's too much for anyone.

My second suggestion, is if the above, others ideas or your own don't help you feel better, then you might want to think about seeking some professional help. As you said you had a breakdown before, you know there are channels of support that can help, whether student based services or professional ones too. We all feel down sometimes, but making sure your mental health is in check is as important as having a bodily check up, so don't push issues to the side if it could inflate into something much worse.