Be or not to be an AuPair

Hello people, i havent been using this forum long ago cause my SO and i decided to quit on it..
We met online a few years ago and he came to visit a year ago, the only big problem our relationship had was the distance, and how he couldnt and cant handle it anymore, but we both love eachother deeply and have discussed being together in the future when we have the chance to close the distance. A month ago, afer we broke up we were talking as friends and the aupair idea came out, we obviously dont want to move on..days passed and the idea became stronger, im currently studying architecture and i have a year left to get my bachelors. His proposition is for me to take a gap year, go do aupair to the us and actually see how we both are in close distance, another pros of this is i'll get to be more independent, meet a new place and culture, and im actually interested in observing american towns and how they work.
The cons are basically my family, they would be devastated and so dissapointed of me. I dont need the permission since we both are paying it all but still, im living under their roof. Another thing would be my education, loosing a year would hurt my career? I would come back after the year to finish school.
Right now im confused with my feelings, i love him and i really wanna go but my family, their opinion makes me doubt.
I guess i just need to hear what you guys think..
Thanks for reading!

[MissingMyDutchLove]

You are the only one who can make this decision, but think long and hard about what happens if the worst happens. There are no guarantees in life. Will you regret going and taking a year off of school if you two break up within a week of you being there? Is this actually going to benefit you in a substantial way? Does that benefit outweigh any negatives that you may think of? What happens if you two do decide to stay together after this year? Are you ever going back to finish school? There are a lot of questions that you need to be 100% certain on before you can decide. Just make sure that this really is for YOU.

[whatruckus]

Agreed with MissingMyDutchLove. Also, are you going to be okay with taking a year off and then going back to school? What if you grow attached to the family, or vice versa? I don't know about you, but even taking a few months off from school threw me off. You'd have to study before you go back, or study while you're away, so you retain that information.

You're also very close to finishing, only a year left. Why can't you finish school first, and then try the au pair thing? Are you sure you want to go because you're interested, and not because you're afraid he'll pull away again because of the distance? Make sure you are doing this for you, and only for you, not for your relationship or him. Do it because you want to.

Make sure you have a back up plan in case things between you and your SO don't work out, or the au pair thing doesn't work out. How would you handle the money situation? Would these families be paying you, or would it solely be in exchange for room and board? I doubt you'd be able to actually get a job and make money if you're an au pair, since you'd have to tend to the children (if you pick a family with kids) and the housework.

Do you like children, are you good with children?

I'm not trying to dissuade you either, if you genuinely want to do it, you're going to do it no matter what any one says. But, you have a lot to think about before you make a decision. Taking care of someone else's children full time isn't the same as babysitting a friend's child, a younger sibling, or a family member. Also, remember you'll be living with these families.

[lucybelle]

I'll speak to two things.

1- year off school: Do it. I studied abroad for a year. I am 100% certain it made me a better person and more marketable in my profession. Employers love people with global experiences.

2- Au pair: can't 100% recommend it for a year. I signed up for a month, stayed a week. I hated it. I've also heard tons of horror stories. Though I'm sure there's great experiences as well. Check out website helpx.net

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I completely agree that living abroad changes you immensely--many times for the better. I am very much in the "everyone should live abroad at some point" camp. However, I am saying once again that you have to do it for YOU, and I question whether you really are. I am living proof that life doesn't work like we plan. I am not currently still with the man that I moved across the ocean for. That really, really sucks, but am I glad that I'm here still? Absolutely! All that I ask is that you think about the worst case scenario if you go. If that very worst thing happens, will you still be glad that you went? I think that gut instinct tells you more than any of us on here can.

[ioanna]

As an architect, is really advise against taking a year off. With thee intensity of the programs, especially at the end, it will be very very hard to dive back into it. Going abroad would be a great experience in itself, professionally as well; depending on where you currently live and where you'll go construction methods can be so different! But i'd wait to do it after your degree. And for extended periods of time away id look into internships at firms way more than working as an aupair. You'd probably have the same long hours but more time to yourself on weekends and will also greatly benefit from the experience on your way to becoming an architect.

Finally, as PP said, relationship wise are you sure you want to take such a leap of faith?
Make sure that whatever you do, you do it for yourself first; and that you would be excited of doing it even if your SO didn't exist. As someone that moved away to be with my SO, the transition can be very difficult and the loneliness greater than you would imagine.

Good luck!

[Bee'sknees]

As an ex au pair, my advice would be to really think if the au pairing thing is for you. Set aside your relationship for a minute and think. As far as I know, au pairs have relatively long hours in the US (obviously depending on the family) and you can't necessarily decide your area yourself, especially if you're doing it through an agency. Do you want to spend hours with small children? Are you comfortable living under the roof of strange people? It's actually pretty hard work and you can't just hang out with your ex/SO whenever you want. You need to follow the rules of the family and you have the responsibility to keep the kids safe.

I only lasted a couple of months. For me it was difficult to suddenly live with strange people after living alone for few years. Plus in hindsight, I was completely immature at the time and did it for all the wrong reasons. I didn't think about the work, I only wanted to experience a new country. If I could go back in time, I would have a good long think about it before jumping into it. Don't do it just for your relationship, it's not fair for the host family either.

[clytaemnestra]

It depends how adventures you are. I wanted to do it, but my German was too good, LOL. I didn't see any sense in loosing a year to learn the language I can learn in 3-4 months. So, I went to work to Germany for a few months. But, I plan on doing Au Pair or EVS in Sweden, since I don't speak any Swedish. But in maybe 2 years.
It also depends on your personality. I'm on the last year and my biggest mistake from this perspective is why I started studying since I can't travel as much as I can when studying. But I'm aware after traveling, it's time to settle down and even if I want to start new Bachelor after I finish this one, what I'll have to go abroad, since in my country there's no program I want. And for that I need to have an entrance qualification. I'll take few years off, so I get bored of traveling. And so I get more motivated.
I'm well-traveled and spent few months living in a few countries, and I can say that it bring up completely different version of you you had no idea you're able to be. Before I went to volunteer with kids, I had no idea that I'm capable to work with them and that I can enjoy. I usually get annoyed when they're nasty and I'm introverted so I prefer silence, but I progressed in 6 weeks sharing 24/7 my time and space with them to the person who can be in loud surrounding with small creatures and not to be annoyed nor drained. On my first day I though I'll kill myself or all of them together, but someone has to be dead. But at the end I cried like a bitch on the farewell, I really love the kids I worked with.

The side on the another part is always greener.