How to cope with feelings of inferiority?

[hannchen]

Firstly: Hi everyone I am new here, and very excited to meet nice people experiencing the same (or at least similar issues) to mine. This community seems so experienced!

Ok, so obviously most people here post because they have some kind of problem. Here is mine: a massive feeling of insecurity and inferiority towards my SO. He is six years older, and we are in very different places right now (both physically as well as mentally). I am trying to change that in the foreseeable future, but at the same time constantly worried that I am "not good enough" or annoying him. This puts a strain on our relationship, because I overreact to little things and get anxious very easily.

For the five months of our relationship so far he has also been crazy busy, constantly traveling around in Germany (and recently to visit me here) because he was unsure of which amazing job offer that was literally thrown after him he should take. The absence of any routine or regularity in his life has prevented any sense of normality to establish itself, and I am frankly getting so exhausted by it (so is he). This will hopefully change in about two weeks when he starts his new position, but so far has led to a fair share of arguments, and it has made me very insecure that there is actually space for me in his life. For instance, we are currently planning to see each other in Munich in the summer, but whenever I try to bring this up he seems a bit distant. He has explained to me that this is because he has so many other things that come before (which is true).

We are both incredibly ambitious people, but given the age difference he is currently entering the labour market as a lawyer with offers from top firms in Germany, while I am interning at an international organization in Cambodia and will start my Master in Beijing in September for one year. Afterwards, I would love to find a position in the city where he lives, but that would probably mean that I would have to go into the private sector, something I hadn't previously considered. I could make the necessary adjustments in my career planning, such as changing the Major in my Master from Public Policy to Economics. But at the same time I am so scared that he will change his mind on the relationship.

So yeah, my question basically is: how does one get over such insecurities? Are they normal?

[erwin1973]

Firstly: Hi everyone I am new here, and very excited to meet nice people experiencing the same (or at least similar issues) to mine. This community seems so experienced!

Gutenabond Hannchen, good evening and welcome.

Ok, so obviously most people here post because they have some kind of problem. Here is mine: a massive feeling of insecurity and inferiority towards my SO. He is six years older, and we are in very different places right now (both physically as well as mentally). I am trying to change that in the foreseeable future, but at the same time constantly worried that I am "not good enough" or annoying him. This puts a strain on our relationship, because I overreact to little things and get anxious very easily.

That sucks. There are a few things I like to say about this. First of all, this insecurity is inside you. My lady and I have an age difference of 10 years (ok, we're a lot older) and although at first there was an unsertainty, we got that worked out. Your bf obious is with you because he likes yo a lot, or loves you (even better). I see you've been together for 5 months now, and if you communicate enough, he should know you well enough to know you are insecure. And if he stays with you, he might even think it's not a big problem to him, or he might think it will get better.
Have you talked ablut it with your bf? If not, do so. Make be ask him that if he feels you're bragging on, he tells you. My lady and I have the same (I can be pretty insecure sometimes and she's sometimes overreacting. We tell each other when it happens to stop doing that).

For the five months of our relationship so far he has also been crazy busy, constantly traveling around in Germany (and recently to visit me here) because he was unsure of which amazing job offer that was literally thrown after him he should take. The absence of any routine or regularity in his life has prevented any sense of normality to establish itself, and I am frankly getting so exhausted by it (so is he). This will hopefully change in about two weeks when he starts his new position, but so far has led to a fair share of arguments, and it has made me very insecure that there is actually space for me in his life. For instance, we are currently planning to see each other in Munich in the summer, but whenever I try to bring this up he seems a bit distant. He has explained to me that this is because he has so many other things that come before (which is true).

Well... That is a lot of information. I know that looking for a job is pretty stressfull. I can imagine that a topic that has been agreed about (this is an assumption!) and is started again, can be annoying. My personal suggestion would be to leave the topic Munich rest until he has settled in his new job. Then let him get his rest (and you take it too) and after that pick it up again. Just ask if he would like it if you come. Don't state. A qustion, in my opinion, is always better then a statement.
This explains why you feel insecure, though. Still, it is your feeling. What you could do is either ask him if he realizes he's making you feel insecure, or don't ask it and let it get to you until you're getting crazy for it. It's a thing between the two of you, so you both should be able to solve it.

We are both incredibly ambitious people, but given the age difference he is currently entering the labour market as a lawyer with offers from top firms in Germany, while I am interning at an international organization in Cambodia and will start my Master in Beijing in September for one year. Afterwards, I would love to find a position in the city where he lives, but that would probably mean that I would have to go into the private sector, something I hadn't previously considered. I could make the necessary adjustments in my career planning, such as changing the Major in my Master from Public Policy to Economics. But at the same time I am so scared that he will change his mind on the relationship.

To start with the last remark: that is always possible. As many will say: make the choice that is best for you. If you feel it's the right thing to do, do it. I see you constantly talk about the age difference. Why is that so important to you that you mention it over and over again? When he's my age, you'll be 36, that is older then my lady is now!

So yeah, my question basically is: how does one get over such insecurities? Are they normal?

In my opinions, insecurities are in your head. It's a lack of trust. I trust my lady with my life, litterally. I used to be like you are, insecure. But she did a great job to me, and surprisingly, the other way around, too. We have worked on ourselves and each other from being pretty insecure to a firm, steady relationship. How do you get over it? I'm not a psychotherapist, I'm sorry.