Engaged and going into LDR

[Amandajhensley]

Hey everyone! It's my first time here! So, heres my story!
My now fiance and I met while doing LDR. After a year we moved in together. We've lived together for over a year now. Well, he was offered a great job opportunity in San Luis Obispo. About 250 miles from where we currently live. I did everything I could to find a position out there, but I knew it would not help further my career. Long story short, I was offered an amazing position in my home town that I absolutely couldn't turn down. So, he's moving to San Luis Obispo in 2 days and I am staying in Mission Viejo. He has signed a contract for 2.5 years. So thats the minimum were looking at. We've made plans to visit each other on the weekends, or every other weekend. I guess I'm just trying to get some advice from some people that are engaged or married and doing long distance? I'm terrified that going into this that we may lose our relationship. We love each other and are willing to work our hardest to make our engagement/marriage work out!! Any advice is greatly appreciated and I'm looking forward to checking out this forum!! Thanks guys!

[Redheart14]

Hi and welcome. I'm engaged and currently closing the distance. There are couples here that have even married and are still long distance. Communication is key to any long distance relationship. Make time for each other but also make plans while your apart. You need to have a life outside each other. Luckily planning a wedding will keep you very busy. This forum is a great source of support too.

[Amandajhensley]

Thank you so much!

[erwin1973]

Distance is not an obstacle for love. It is a reminder of how strong love can be.

The milage between the two of you is relative little. So that makes it relative easy to visit each other on a weekly / twoweekly basis. I am not saying that a shorter distance is easier when you're apart than longer distance...

Mind that doing long distance is not easy, but it is great. Think of the things you have (engagement, a wonderful partner) and how happy you will be when you do see each other every weekend. When you are not together, keep doing your own things, keep going on with your own life. Plan time together on cam / chat and for the rest go on with your job and hobbies.

You do know it is for 'only' 2½ years. That may sound like forever, and yes, it is long. On the other hand you know it is for that fixed period and after that he'll come back. So in that case, you are more blessed, because many of us don't know when to close the distance.

Stay strong.

[hmrambling]

I'm engaged and just closed the distance. I did 2 years of seeing my partner on the weekends. We talked on the phone during the weekdays. We took turns going to see each other and it worked out. We had to keep communication open.

[TaraMarie]

I'm married and still doing long distance. Technically he"lives " here, but he works 900 miles away. My husband comes home Fri night and we head back to the airport every Monday morning at 2:15 am. He doesnt have to leave that early but if we leave later I won't be able to come back home and sleep, so he sacrifices his sleep so I can get home by 3:45 am and sleep until 7:15 before I drive 50 miles to work. He's good like that. We've been doing long distance for five years, and doing every weekend for 2 1/2. He hasn't missed a single weekend. Well, ACTUALLY he did miss one because he had the flu, but I just jumped on a plane and went to him (he stays with his elderly mom during the week). We were on vacation Oct 7-16, and I got very sick. He didn't go back to NY that Monday, but stayed and took me to the Dr. He went back to NY on wed. By Fri I was admitted to the hospital for five days. He came Fri night and never left my side.....not even to get a change of clothes (it's amazing how quickly clothes dry in a hospital bathroom when you wash them in the sink). He ended up staying the entire next week to run me back and forth to the Dr, and to drive me to work the next Fri when I was finally able to go (he has an amazingly understanding boss). My point is that it's very doable! And 250 miles is easy peasy. Your 2 1/2 years will FLY by. You are close enough to be to each other in two hours of there's an emergency, or if you are feeling lonely. We spend over $20,000 each year traveling back and forth to NY, and it's worth every penny to us. Now.....he has a second job interview here in Atlanta next week so hopefully this distance will finally end, even though he will still travel for work
But home in our bed five nights a week is way better than 2 1/2 nights each week! You can do this!!

[Elisabetta]

I totally understand you. My SO found an amazing job overseas and now we have to stay three years apart, seeing each other only four/five times per year.
We are not engaged, but there is the possibility for us to get married some months before my current working contract ends, in more than two years, to have the time to process the visa and close the distance.

I guess that no matter how scared we are, if we look at the bigger picture, this is the best possibility we have to be happy with someone that is really meant for us

[MM4490]

I totally understand you. My SO found an amazing job overseas and now we have to stay three years apart, seeing each other only four/five times per year.
We are not engaged, but there is the possibility for us to get married some months before my current working contract ends, in more than two years, to have the time to process the visa and close the distance.

I guess that no matter how scared we are, if we look at the bigger picture, this is the best possibility we have to be happy with someone that is really meant for us

Thanks for sharing your story! Im glad to see all the positive responses. I wish you guys all the best and hope that it does work out! I have been in long distance for 3 years (together for 6) and we just can't seem to agree on where to live. Only solution seems to be to break up, thats the one thing we can actually agree on. It breaks my heart because nothing is wrong in our relationship yet we have different ideas of what city that we would like to grow a family in and now I'm losing the man I thought would be my husband/father of my kids.

[ILoveYou22]

There are many people in LDR's because they have no choice (they need VISAS, no jobs, etc).

You two did seem to have choices, and you chose WORK over your relationship. What's the purpose of having an amazing job if it takes you away from the person you love? I'm sorry, but there is one thing called PRIORITIES. There are MANY jobs in the world, but only one special person to share our life with and THAT should be the priority.

If you both chose work over your relationship, I would pay a close look into what's happening because I don't think it's a good sign. I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but is my insight.

[Allurial]

First off congratulations on your engagement, and the wonderful job opportunities! What an exciting time for you both, and it sounds like you are already trying to plan for the next couple of visits you will have. I'm sure you both will be willing to put in the effort required to keep things going and as the others have said communication is key. I hope all is well.