Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Never seeing the end of the LDR

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
    #1

    Never seeing the end of the LDR

    Hi all,

    I have been in a 6 year relationship, 2.5 years living together and 3.5 years living apart. We both have great jobs that we love and neither person is ready to give that up. We see each other every 2 months and I am getting tired of the goodbyes and the loneliness that comes with being apart. My SO never wants to talk about the future because I think he is scared to face reality: that we could break up. He wants me to move there, which I tried 2 years ago, and I was miserable and he supported my decision to move back home. I have no friends in his city, and would just have his immediate family as my support system. Meanwhile in my hometown, he has friends and family within 1-hour radius. Also some great job opportunities that he turns a blind eye to within a 1-hour radius. I would be wiling to move closer to his friends and family and job if it meant him to move here. He wants me to come there and then we can 'figure our future out' but I don't think this is a good solution, I think this is his way to get me there and then 5 years later it will be too hard to leave. We are in our late 20s now and I feel like I have wasted away my 20s in this long distance relationship that is going no where. Im torn because I love him but I really value my happiness and know I won't be happy with a very small support group in his city i.e. him and his family. And I hate having to answer to everyone that asks me when is he moving here etc etc but I do not have an answer. And frankly I don't think he ever will. I don't want him to come here and resent me and vice versa but I love him and don't want to let my soul mate walk away. Some of the posts I have read in here so far have given me some insight so I am hoping I get some here too! Thanks for reading
    Tags: None
    #2
    Has he ever offered to move to your town?

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by Shauny View Post
      Has he ever offered to move to your town?

      No. I have tried to move there and also moved there for school for him and he has not offered. I keep asking him to look at job opportunities in my area but he says he likes his job now and doesnt want to give that up right now. But if he doesnt want to give that up right now when will he ever want to? I want to grow a family with him but also be near my family and friends yet he didnt have that growing up as his grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins lived a 4-hour flight away. He doesnt get where I am coming from and its so frustrating

      Comment

        #4
        The only solution that I think would make us happy in the long run would be to break up. As then we can live in the city that we want. But I don't want to let him walk away as he is the love of my life. His 2 good friends and his brother just got a job within a 1hour radius of where I live yet he is still reluctant to come.

        Comment

          #5
          Have you asked him why he is reluctant to come over to your country?
          Distance means nothing when someone means everything.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by MM4490 View Post
            No. I have tried to move there and also moved there for school for him and he has not offered. I keep asking him to look at job opportunities in my area but he says he likes his job now and doesnt want to give that up right now. But if he doesnt want to give that up right now when will he ever want to? I want to grow a family with him but also be near my family and friends yet he didnt have that growing up as his grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins lived a 4-hour flight away. He doesnt get where I am coming from and its so frustrating
            Since you already tried to partionally relocate to him, I think it is only fair that he seriously considers him moving to you. One easy way to do that, is to look at job adverts in your area and consider coming for interviews in relation to when he comes to visit you. Especially if he has bit of work experience that is relevant in your area.

            With us, I have been the one to travel extensively (for a period) to his country, but we plan for him to relocate here. He is slowly learning my language (I have a basic knowledge of his). But we plan to be "nomads"; we dream of having a summer home in his work town (which his family would also love to visit) and use most of our holiday time to go there (to hotels or rented appartments before we can get our own) and to his home town. I think it is important that when he moves here, he knows that this is my intention.

            Have you had a serious conversation about how he sees the future? It seems that you both vision living close to your homes, even if for different reasons. If he lives far away from his family, perhaps his friends are like his family to him and those are the ones he does not want to leave?
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
              Since you already tried to partionally relocate to him, I think it is only fair that he seriously considers him moving to you. One easy way to do that, is to look at job adverts in your area and consider coming for interviews in relation to when he comes to visit you. Especially if he has bit of work experience that is relevant in your area.

              With us, I have been the one to travel extensively (for a period) to his country, but we plan for him to relocate here. He is slowly learning my language (I have a basic knowledge of his). But we plan to be "nomads"; we dream of having a summer home in his work town (which his family would also love to visit) and use most of our holiday time to go there (to hotels or rented appartments before we can get our own) and to his home town. I think it is important that when he moves here, he knows that this is my intention.

              Have you had a serious conversation about how he sees the future? It seems that you both vision living close to your homes, even if for different reasons. If he lives far away from his family, perhaps his friends are like his family to him and those are the ones he does not want to leave?

              I think I will go down that road in terms of job opportunities. Essentially do a job search as if it were for me but do it for him. Thanks for that
              Luckily we live in the same country, so it would be a bit of an easier transition without visas etc. I think if I shared with him my dreams of visiting his home town in summers or winters that he would be a bit more inclined to come, knowing that I do not want to take him away from his home and never go back.
              I have had a serious conversation of how I see my future but maybe not his. He has mentioned that he would love to raise a family in his hometown, and that he understands why I want to be close to my family when we do.
              His best friend lives in his hometown, however him and his girlfriend have bought a house in their hometown in a different province. I think one thing that he would be worried about is leaving his little sister because he feels like he is a father to her. Even though both his parents are alive and are decent parents he feels like he needs to be the father figure.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by erwin1973 View Post
                Have you asked him why he is reluctant to come over to your country?
                He is so focused on his current job that he doesnt want to leave. But I will ask him that directly. Thanks

                Comment

                Previous template Next
                Working...
                X