It looks like we are going long distance...again.

[sarah557]

Hey all! My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half and we love each other to pieces! He has a tendency to job hop which has landed him in Texas 2 times. (I'm not sure if job hopping is the right term for him.) He first quit his job for reasonable circumstances in December 2016 which then led him to Texas to be with his dad and get to know him better. He hated Texas and couldn't stand being away from friends and family so he moved back when he started working for another company. Then they laid him off in December 2017 which took him BACK to Texas to work for the same company as before (It is very hard to keep a diesel mechanic job in my area when it's winter season) Then he found a job in the spring 2018 and was able to move back! He has been back for only 3 months and is having a hard time paying the bills and even finding a place to live. He's been living with his married friends and surviving off of them. He's tired of not being able to make ends meet (or barley making them meet) and he thinks it's time to move back to California where he would work for the same company who he was with when he got laid off in December 2017.

I am just at a loss right now because it seems like we are never going to be together. All the while I am in my last year of college. I will be graduating in May with my bachelors and then hopping into an internship that I have to do for school still.

I just need some faith that one day we can be together and settle down and both have decent jobs together. Has anyone ever gone through anything like this? I feel like he's just teasing me because he will be back for three months and I will feel like everything is finally working out and then he leaves again. I'm just at a loss and very down in the dumps.

Thank you for any advice!

[Redheart14]

Hi. Firstly, looking at your age, I wouldn't say there's a huge reason to panic. Sadly, closing the distance costs money (regardless of where you're moving to) and job security can assist with that. I know you're frustrated but the more settled financially you can be will make a world of difference. I don't think he's teasing you, I think he's trying to establish himself in order to make money and feel a bit of breathing space money wise. Have you talked about who is moving when you close the distance? He might be trying to earn enough to get out from under the wing of his married friends so that you have your own space.

[ldrhealer]

Hey friend, its seems like your boyfriend is trying to find some financial stability for himself and that is important especially if he is thinking about being with you and supporting each other in the future. The fact that you have a more structured and progressive path way towards your career is amazing. You are both on separate paths at this stage of life and even though you want to be together, you have to be patient with him. I did long distance with my boyfriend for 4 years and then we moved in together for another 6 years now and can tell you that we are still working it out and we've even moved to 2 different cities together trying to make a happy life for ourselves. There were times when he was out of a job and i was supporting him and then vice versa but the main thing is that we want to make it work so we stay patient and support eachother through all the ups and downs. That's a real relationship, where the love outweighs all the challenges you go through.

If you haven't already, it might be best to talk to him about how you feel about your situations and maybe put a timeline on certain goals you can work towards as a couple so you feel you are both making progress for eachother. e.g. if you can't move together, then a goal could be him finding stable work and saving up for visit/holiday together.
Good luck and hope this helps!

[sarah557]

He definitely wants financial security and we both know this job will allow that to happen. I will most likely be moving to him when I am done with school so it will be nice for him to be there all settled in and make the transition a bit smoother! I keep telling myself it's only 10 months and then I will be done with school and nothing will be tying me down! Sometimes I have a hard time looking past that though and my doubts get the best of me. Thank you for your advice