Failed. Sad ending.

[ilyak]

We broke up yesterday after 3 years relationship so I feel like I need to share this story with you all.

Everything started really good, like it always happens I guess.
We were studying in the same school in Europe during our junior year, met in this school and had really good 4 months together. She was my first love, and I was her first love too.
After, I had to fly to the US to continue my school over there.
She loved me so much, and I loved her also, so we decided that we'll go through this LDR and will living together in a few years.
Honestly, it was really hard at the beginning especially because of few reasons:
1. she moved to the bigger city, went to the new school for her senior year, so I always felt insecure even tho I did my best to trust her
2. 7 months (before my flight for the new year holiday) without a girl sounded really horrible to me.
But, I came to the decision to be faithful and (maybe you won't believe me) for 1.5 years in this school in the US, I talked to girls like 4-5 times, only about homework. She swore that she was doing the same thing.
Our first meeting on the New Year holiday was awesome. She was really happy and everything was pretty good.
Next, I came back to the US for 6 more months. Meeting after this period for the first time wasn't really great. It actually was just like if we met in a few days, and not in a few months.
So, last summer I came back. I was in one city, she was in another (if you remember, she moved to this city after I left to the US). We were about 1500 km apart. It was a little better than when I was in the US, but we still only met once in about 2-3 months.
This year she went to the university and I still felt insecure even more maybe.
My insecurity was growing, and another trip to the US for 4 months was coming, so I decided to pay a hacker to hack my girlfriend, so I could be done with my insecurity. I know this is not really got thing, but...
So, I logged in her account, and at first, I was feeling good, since I saw that she didn't reply to some guys messaging her.
But, after reading a dialog with one guy my heart was beating like crazy and I felt really horrible.
This guy was her classmate in her senior year, and now he was studying with her at the same university.
He was flirting a lot, and she didn't mind it at all, replied with some flirting sometimes too. Often she messaged him first. Also, they definitely went home after university with each other (sometimes she was waiting for him, and sometimes he was waiting for her).
Also, I found a bunch of photos when he was hugging her waist, like 10 photos (actually it was like 30 photos - a few on each different location).
The whole thing was happening at least for about 4 months, but the whole messaging history before February 2018 was deleted.

Also, she chatted with a girl from her senior year, and I learned that she really liked one guy in her class, and he liked her too, and I don't know what was happening between them.


During all this time, she told me that she loves me almost every day.

Yesterday I wrote her that we need to break up and wished her all the best. She asked me what's wrong, and I didn't want to tell her first, but I decided to tell it in the way like "Tell me about *First name Last name of this guy*, and we'll decide if you can talk to somebody like this when we're dating for 3 years, and we'll decide if we wasted this years"
She replied like "I don't give a **** about him, that's what I say". And in a minute I noticed that she changed the account password. I wished her good luck again, and she said "okay fine", and never tried to explain anything.

That's it. 3 years wasted.

I don't know what I did wrong. I tried to do everything to make her happy - often sent her flowers to her, or pizza, and gave expensive gifts on different celebrations.
Always was really nice to her, helped with her homework or tests. And, was faithful whole time.

F*ck this, that's was I can say about LDR. Never felt so bad in my life.

Sorry for my English.

[kittyo9]

I'm very sorry to hear that. Breakups are never easy, and they hurt more when we feel betrayed or deceived. I had a relationship end like that, too... 3 years of "good" relationship followed by 2 years of lies. Unfortunately, people will cheat regardless of whether they're in an LDR or CDR; it's not something inherent to either. You can be the most perfect person and still end up with an unfaithful partner. Your SO's actions speak to her own flaws, not yours.

It's not a matter of what you did right or wrong-- we cannot control the actions of others, only our own. You did what you could, but in the end, only she is responsible for her actions. Unfortunately, it seems that the insecurity and lack of trust in the relationship was already present, so it was likely that without a lot of work, you would have broken up anyway. In the future, if you are feeling insecure, please talk to your partner and discuss your feelings with them rather than sneaking around. I know it's hard to trust people after you feel you've been deceived, but it's also important to remember that any partner you have in the future still deserves respect.

Lastly, it's not really a "waste." You still spent a lot of time very happy in your relationship, and you still had experiences that you will be able to learn from in the future after you've healed and you're ready to move on. It's easy to get sucked into the negativity surrounding a breakup, but try to use this opportunity to grow. Give yourself some time to reflect and recover.

[xanax]

I don't mean to be disrespectful, but as I was reading, as soon as you said you hired a hacker, I pretty much understood the gist. All of us are insecure in different ways, and believe me: I know how it feels, but you can't let it consume you. I had to learn that the hard way, I've ruined perfectly good relationships completely because of that. She wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be. Besides, had she left or cheated, it wouldn't be the end of the world if you were to part ways. You're worth way more than to get your heart broken over and over by the same person. It shouldn't be forced, you can't do that to someone. and you shouldn't have to have that feeling in the pit of your stomach all the time. There is someone out there for you...everything happens for a reason.

On another note, had you spoken to her about why you felt that way by any chance, or did you keep it to yourself?