Advice needed: missing home while living together

[Melody7]

Hello everyone,

I just need some advice from people with a similar situation.

I met my partner 3 years ago, we have been in a LDR for 2 years with a very strong commitment.

Nearly 12 months ago I moved to Australia to be with my partner, I am from Europe.
In a month time my visa will expire so I have decided to go back to my home country for awhile then to take a break, save up money and think about the future.

Since the start it has been difficult living in Australia because of missing my family and not having as much support from people here and everyone expects me to stay in Australia even though I am not sure about that.

My partner doesn't want to move to my country or overseas because it would be difficult for him, financially, his job, the language etc.
But I am not happy here in Australia and have sacrificed a lot already. I can't really imagine life without my partner.

Has anyone got any advice for me?

Melody7

[Redheart14]

Maybe some time at home will give you the clarity you need. Family support means a lot and it’s clear you’ve struggled without it. Just take time when you’re at home to see how you feel, you may get home and feel it’s not for you. Have the two of you thought about meeting in the middle and relocating somewhere different for the both of you? Sadly, with an ldr one person ultimately has to sacrifice the most and move. If you already feel like you’ve sacrificed enough than continuing like this could cause resentment between you and your partner which could ultimately cause irreparable damage. Seems like you’re both at and stand still so maybe time at home will help you decide what you want. How long would you stay at home for?

[Melody7]

Thank you for your supportive message.

I was thinking the same thing as you mentioned, taking some time at home and seeing how I feel, even though I know I would miss my partner a lot which would lead me into wanting to move back again but regretting it again...
I would stay at home for 2-3 years because I will have to do a course at home which is 4 days working & 1 day college so I'm still earning money while becoming qualified in my home country

[Melody7]

2-3 years is a long time

[Redheart14]

Is your partner supportive of you going back home for that length of time?

[Melody7]

Yes he is, is that a good thing?

[Redheart14]

As long as you are both on board with decision I think it’s ok.

[Amaris]

Okay.. I've been typing 3 replies now. But somehow my system is a bit weird I wanted to edit, but they got deleted.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's incredibly hard to move overseas and all of these feelings on top of it don't make it any easier. I know how you feel. I'm from Europe as well and moved to Australia to be with my SO this year. Did you get into the daily life in Australia? As in did you have a job and made friends outside your SO?

Also this could be good to figure out what you really want, and where you guys might be able to live in the end. Just be aware that if you go back to Australia, the visa business is gonna be tough.. A partner visa is hard to get, we still have to follow that whole process too..

[Melody7]

Oh my goodness. Dank je wel voor je berichtje. Ik heb net je profiel bekeken & zie dat je NL spreekt :O

Ik kom uit Nederland! Jij ook? Dat zou namelijk toevallig zijn...

[Amaris]

Oh my goodness. Dank je wel voor je berichtje. Ik heb net je profiel bekeken & zie dat je NL spreekt :O

Ik kom uit Nederland! Jij ook? Dat zou namelijk toevallig zijn...

Jaaaa, ik kom uit Nederland, haha! Dit is wel heel toevallig!

[snow]

Missing home while overseas is completely normal. I have been here for 3 years, 4 in November and it's tough at times, especially now that I am full time and don't get to see my family at all until the weekends.
I have been thinking about moving back a lot lately, but being without my husband is just something I couldn't do and it would be very very difficult for him to move to a country where he can't speak the language.

If you SO is on board with this, why not.

[Rezie]

No advice. Just saying that I feel ya. I'm in the same situation and totally clueless on what to do. Our distance is not as long as yours (both in europe), but it's still a different country with different language, culture etc.

My small piece of advice is to take the moving out of the equation for a minute. How do you think of the relationship? As it is at the moment, is it the type of relationship you are happy with? Reason I'm asking is that I noticed that in the past years I have put down a lot fo our issues and "issues" to the distance or me being uncertain about staying in foreign country. Whereas in reality they have been issues relating to our relationship that should have been solved instead of being a distance thing. This may provide a bit more clarity.

As for the distance. It seems like the option is to be in australia. 2-3 years in a long time, especially when you have closed the distance once. Maybe or the first month back home, try not to overthink and make too many decisions since I think feeligns might be all over the place. Good luck!