How To Stop Being Jealous Of Bf's Social Life, And Start Being Happy For Him & myself

[xoxoxo]

My boyfriend [M/25] and I [F/24] have been together for 4 years.

Some background info: We met in university, as freshmen, Started dating last 2 years and the 2 years after that have been long distance since I moved cities.

My boyfriend already had a group of friends where he was. They hang out every weekend all night and day, they party together, go for movies together, house parties, card games, road trips. He also has a group of guy friends (long-time close friends) who meet up to have a meal every week. So as far as the friends department goes, he's quite well covered. He has people to hang out with all week and on the weekends. Also, most his his closest friends are females.

I, on the other hand, haven't made any friends in the city I have moved to because I work all week and weekends and just for relaxing. So my only real friend is my boyfriend. The people at my work come from different academic backgrounds compared to me (arts vs science), and they act very differently from what I'm used to. Consequently, I couldn't adapt to the school culture. I did try joining some activities around me like dance class, gym, hiking groups etc but somehow I just couldn't hit it off with anyone, which is honestly quite unusual for me. Not sure why I'm finding it soooo difficult to make friends here.

And here's the real problem: I am and have always been very outgoing and dependent on my friends for fun and boredom relief and emotional support. Basically, I have higher social needs than the average person. But this need is not being met here, so I am really dependent on my boyfriend. But he obviously always has plans with his friends and I feel really bad. There are days where I feel downright depressed, and it affects my daily aspects of my life and relationship with him. I understand it is wrong for me to expect anything from my long distance boyfriend or expect him to leave his activities just for me but I just feel so, so lonely.

I don't really mind when my boyfriend goes out with his old friends, because I know them and they are my friends too and kind of keep me in the loop all the time. It's when he hangs out with his new friends that I feel this pang of jealousy, anger, and depression. I can't help but compare myself to him, which makes me feel like a friendless loser who is overly dependent on him. It's especially bad when he is out all night with his female friends clubbing and drinking and I am just in bed waiting for him to get back and call him. This just exacerbates the loneliness and my mind runs wild.

Could you give me some suggestions on how to cope with these unhealthy feelings?

Any help would be much appreciated 

[Redheart14]

Maybe try a meet up group of some sort as you don’t want this to impact your relationship.

[TJ-LJ]

Maybe you can hang out with his new friends too? Does he never invite you along? I mean sure, it'd be nice to be able to make your own friends, but if this isn't as easy or as possible as you hope, then I think the next best option is to just try hanging out with your boyfriends friends too. I know it might seem as if you're just being a tag-a-long, but there's really nothing wrong with wanting some social interaction. And if you get along well with one or some of these friends, ultimately you can go out and do your own things separate from group settings.

[xoxoxo]

Hi, thank you so much for you reply. Well that is kind of hard considering we live in two ends of the country! Although that would have been ideal, it gets really hard to make that work since the flight time is long, I need to take days off from work and its just not possible.

[xoxoxo]

well yes I could try that, Thank you! Any good websites in mind where I can find meetup groups?

[JRB275]

Hi everyone,

I am in the exact same boat. Moved to a new city with not many friends, and she is back home with all of our friends. I have fomo big time and almost wish everyday that I could be with her and enjoy the times together, except I'm on the other side of the world trying my best to not get depressed and too needy whilst my girlfriend has a good time out with all her friends.

[xoxoxo]

Dear JRB275,

I completely understand what you're going through. All I can say is, there is nothing you can do in this situation but take care of yourself. So try and form a group of friends yourself. Go out with them. Participate in things that interest you. Pick up a hobby. And just know that there is someone who cares for you and will always be there. But also, make sure she makes some time for you, cause at the end of the day the reason you both are in a relationship is so you can grow and have a good time together. Best wishes!!