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    Advice needed

    Hi everyone,

    New to this forum so hope i'm posting this in the right section.
    I live in San Diego, my girlfriend's a 4 hour flight away in Mexico. We met while both studying abroad in Panama and were together for around 6 months there, and have been together now for about 4 years - 3 and a half of them long distance.

    At first, I was visiting her at least every 6-8 weeks. She'd come a couple of times a year and I understood i'd have to visit more often - I'm a software engineer and naturally make more living in the US, she's works in marketing in Mexico so naturally makes less. It's also much easier for me to get a visa than for her, but at any rate I never complained. Every time she came to visit me she said she'd love to live in San Diego one day.

    A year ago, at this point 3 years in to our relationship (2.5 years long distance) she'd completed 2 years at her job, and I was hoping she'd start applying to jobs here in San Diego so we could try and end the long distance. However, she opted to take another job in Mexico. I was devastated but she assured me she wasn't planning to stay there for long. Fast forward 6 months, I was offered a job in Vancouver, and was very close to taking it, but turned it down because it would have meant being even further away (7 hours flight). Anyway, fast forward 6 months more and here we are, 4 years into our relationship, 3.5 of them long distance. We used to video facetime at least weekly, if not twice a week. Now we don't at all, maybe just the odd phone call during the week - aside from the usual text messaging. The past 2 months we haven't facetimed at all - she came over for a week and it was great, completely normal. But as soon as she went back to Mexico it's back like that - we aren't talking properly.

    Since the start of the year, i've been talking to her about moving here this year. She wanted to wait until April because it would be a year since she started her second job, so I agreed and assumed she'd start to take it seriously from then onwards. But, despite helping her with her resume, she just doesn't seem to be taking it seriously. In the 2 months that have followed, she hasn't applied for a single job. I'm beginning to give up, it feels like its only ever me taking it seriously. I'm going to visit her in 2 months from now, and I wonder if it will be the last time. I'm so confused and need advice on what to do.

    #2
    Hey there, sounds like a tough situation. Has she mentioned any concerns about moving? Sometimes it sounds great to dream about, but terrifying to enact, especially if you're close to your surrounding family. I suppose you've tried to discuss the reason for the decrease in communication with her?
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      #3
      Originally posted by autumn1790 View Post
      Hey there, sounds like a tough situation. Has she mentioned any concerns about moving? Sometimes it sounds great to dream about, but terrifying to enact, especially if you're close to your surrounding family. I suppose you've tried to discuss the reason for the decrease in communication with her?
      Hey, thanks for replying.

      She's never mentioned concerns about moving. She is extremely close with her family, so I really do appreciate it must be terrifying in many regards. But at the same time, she's never expressed any concern and isn't even trying - I feel like she could at least try so that if she does find a job she has a decision to make. Maybe thats what shes afraid of - actually having to decide if she finds one?

      Decrease in communication - yeah I brought it up but she says it doesn't mean anything. On this topic - just to clarify, theres no trust issue here. We've always been open and honest about telling the other person if we decide we can't continue anymore.

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        #4
        How fluent is she in English? Perhaps she feels concerned she wouldn't be able to find a job easily because of the language barrier, or just the accent?
        Another point: when discussing moving together, have you considered both options (her moving to California/you moving to Mexico)? I can imagine there's a natural financial gap between your countries, but perhaps it would be easier since you're working in this field? (In Europe, software engineers tend to be offered more flexibility such as remote work)

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