Work and an Un-supportive Family

[sarah557]

Hi all!

My SO and I recently got engaged and I'm so excited but honestly, it couldn't have been worse timing. When he proposed, we had no idea the road ahead would be so rocky.

My fiance had been looking to branch out on his own and after much deliberation, he decided to work under the wing of one of his old bosses in California. We have done long distance before and this time, there was an end in sight with a wedding in May! I also just graduated college so I would no longer be tied down by other obligations at school. However, things changed at the flick of lightning and that plan fell through. We both knew we did not want to stay where we have been living so we decided that the next best option was for him to find somewhere that his business would thrive and then I would move there eventually as well.

Now, it get's tricky because as most of you know, starting a business up can be rocky-- financially wise! We have decided to put the wedding on hold for now until we both find our niche and plant our feet on solid ground. However, my family as well has his family has been very un-supportive about the long distance issue. Before, he had lived in Texas and I was in Idaho. We were finally together in Idaho for a while before he decided to branch out on his own. Now, our families both agree that with being engaged and wanting to get married, we NEED to be together. What they REALLY don't like it that his job is going to be a traveling job. Even after we are married he will most likely be jumping around different areas and might even be away for weeks at at time. I 100% understand the conditions I am getting myself in to. I have chosen this man to marry because I want to be there to support all of his dreams. My family is just making it really hard on me because they don't understand why I would want to choose this kind of lifestyle.

How do you guys cope with un-supportive families? I do understand all of their points on us needing to be together after we are married but I'm also not going to call an engagement off because I won't be able to see him 7 days a week. I'm just stuck...

[Atlantic Crossroads]

My fiance's mum isn't exactly supportive, though she also isn't saying anything negative either. She thought we were just friends for the first year we were together! Even if she started saying x, y and z about us being doomed to failure, I'd ignore it. I'm not giving my man up for anything or anyone. No way no how, and that's that.

Try not to worry so much about what other people think of your relationship. You two are in it, and you know yourselves the best, so you are the ones to make the decision on how you progress as a couple and how you close the distance. On account of it being LD, that may well change a hundred times before you get there, but that's not the point. As you said, you know what you're getting into and it's your decision.
It may be worth pointing out that there are numerous families and couples who spend varying time apart for a multitude of reasons. It can be done as long as the couple are strong and determined enough. It sounds like you are, and I wish you luck.

[LisaS]

I’m so sorry your family isn’t as supportive as you had hoped! I would suggest to continue loving your family of course but maybe don’t share as many details about your relationship just because you don’t need the negative energy. As long as you’re happy is all that matters. A lot of people don’t understand long distance relationships but that doesn’t mean they won’t work! I actually have a co-worker whose husband travels a lot and she says it’s actually helped her marriage since it gives her space! it really just depends on the person on what they can live with, so just live your life the way you want to!

[Ranidae]

Hi sarah557, I feel for you :/

Although my boyfriend and I have known each other for many years, I chose to keep my LDR private. My family doesn't know about it, and I have only told a few close friends (because I know they won't judge).
Why is that? Because I am 100% sure they will have something negative to say about it, even before they meet the person I am dating. My parents care about me, and they mean well; however they just can't help being nosy and meddle in my business. It is sometimes hard to remain diplomatic and tell them their opinion isn't needed... -_-"

Therefore I decided I would disclose it on my terms, most likely when my boyfriend and I are living together. The downside of this "Keeping things private" strategy: it gets a bit lonely, especially when going through a rough patch with my boyfriend (a dispute, technical difficulties, different schedules, etc.). Fortunately close friends are here to listen and lift my spirits up

So I quite agree with LisaS' post above: your family doesn't need to know everything! You are 22 years old, a legal adult, free to make your own decisions. If your family doesn't understand them, it's fine! To each their own. But the very least they can do is not bring your mood down. Try to tell that to your parents -- in a tactful way of course

Best of luck!

[TaraMarie]

I wonder if they would be as concerned about you two being apart of one of you was in the service? Same concept...you spend months being apart....sometime without being able to communicate, depend on what's going on in the world. Would that make them happier?