Stuck/depressed

[vaniline]

I'll start form the begining. We are together for more than 10 years, actually also engaged for more than 1 year as well. The thing is my SO decided to move abroad to work and earn some money, quite far away. We are doing long distance for a year now. Well it has been challenging to say the least. Mostly because we were allways together, very touchy feely as well. The meets were mostly very nice, some less, saying goodbyes allways brought strong sadness, except once. The thing I fear the most is that we will lose our connection, get distant from each other, which allways seemed as something special. This person is MY person, I cannot imagine my life with anyone else. Lately I became very paranoid that everything is falling apart, obsessing on very negative thoughts and scenarios, that he is not faithfull to me, even has somebody else. And I fully understand that it is not healthy at all, he will get tired of proving himself eventually, especially if hes not doing anything at all. To be fair I am so stuck in beetween, I kinda like my job and it is paid quite good in my area, love my team, thats why I stayed behind and he left. The most difficult part on my opinion is that theres no time set for closing the distance, cause he settled good there, I am good here. I do not know what to do, I value my current job, but another side of my cannot stand being apart and would even like work/live abroad for some time. But something keeps me here, even though I am not very happy, sometimes even get very depressed about our situation. And still I am very afraid that we created separate worlds already and theres no way we can somehow manage to close the distance and not break up. Need an opinion from the side, cause most of my close people think it is only for some time, when I know there's no actual end in the near furure. Somedays it feels so pointless to the point that I don't know how I will be able to do this anymore

[vaniline]

The biggest issue that I am so afraid of this big change, mostly due to the fact that I allways was very independwnt, so depending in somebody, even my SO seems pretty dificult for me. Maybe its my ego. Also big part of my stay is that if I decide to leave, theres no voming back, my position will be taken by another person and I will not be able to comeback with the same salary and conditions. I feel so guilty by staying where I am, but on my view I cannot let myself blame my partner for leaving everything behind and maybe losing something that is imoortant to me. I feel such a shitty person

[ShamrockLDR]

I’m in a similar situation and really feel for you. My mind is going crazy and he thinks I’m batshit crazy cos I’ve not been acting rationally calling way too much, getting annoyed if he doesn’t text or answer my calls. I’m not sure what the way forward is - I’m the opposite to you I feel quite angry at him putting his job first before us. I’ve a tentative end date of next June but then occasionally he says oh maybe 2 years so I’m quite frustrated by not having a definitive end date. Your job seems important to you and I think you’d probably resent him if you gave it up and moved over there for him. Is there any possibility in him coming back with more experience under his belt?