Letter to Resume Communication?

[ShannRaff]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 14 months. We are both active duty military and he has been in Korea for 4 months now. Aside from the occasional 3-7 days of no communication due to work, we've alwasy been open and honest and loving to each other and supportive. While we didn't have a fight or anything bad happen, he recently hasn't spoken to me in 3 weeks...kind of unusual for him. I'm not the kind of woman to nag, especially because I know that he is highly stressed and busy in a small team that is stretched thin throughout Korea (and this month they will/are in the field for some period of time.) But to not hear from him at ALL in 3 weeks? He's not someone I'd ever suspect of infidelity, and when I had expressed my concern with being "ghosted" months ago, he assured me that if there were any issues or if he wanted to end things that he'd flat-out tell me.

I have written a letter that I have yet to send. It's not a "Dear John" because a) that's cold, and b) I do NOT want to end things with him, especially because I don't have all of the facts. But I haven't been able to get a hold of him via skype, FB, kakao, but he also hasn't blocked me or anything. I just cant get a hold of him. My letter isnt' malacious at all. In fact it's very respectful and it honors him. I talk about how much I value him and that I own up to my own faults. However, I do mention his recent distance and that I'd like to simply talk about it. There are no accusations at all. Just how important he is to me and that communicating and be as open with me as he was wanted to be with me is paramount to me.

In short....should I send this letter, and if so, when? I'm not sure if I'm overracting or if I do have a legitimate reason to worry. This is SOO unlike him and given our history together, I can't just "forget about it." Advice please! And for the record, I'm an outstanding writer and it's not a mushy letter at all. Sincere, heartfelt, and honest without being weird.

[snow_girl]

Before you send the letter, are you sure he hasn't been injured and is in a coma or something? Morbid maybe, but if there was no indication of a fight or anything wrong you might be jumping the gun with this letter.

[ShannRaff]

well that's one of the reasons I'm so concerned! and while hes cordial with his workforce there, I can't say he has friends quite yet over there....I.e. I have no one to contact to see if he's alright.

[whatruckus]

If you are both Military and both AD, then you should know how it is. I'm not sure what his MOS is, but I know that it's not unheard of to not hear from them for a while. You said that he's out in the field, is he on a mission? Maybe where he is there isn't good internet/cell signal.

When my SO was deployed to Iraq (he was Army, Infantry) before we were together, he told me there were times he was on a mission and couldn't talk to anyone for a week or more at a time. Do you know if he's contacted any family recently, and hasn't had the time to contact you?

[ShannRaff]

I agree. He is a medic and a staff sergeant at that, so he's got a lot on his hands. I guess I've just been concerned because everyone I know is always saying "the connection in Korea is great!" And to make matters worse, I'm an army musician, so all of my comrades aren't familiar with dating people in much different MOS(es.). I guess I'm also concerned because this is the longest gap in communication I've experienced with him.

Not sure if he's contacted his family or friends. About 2 months into his assignment (our anniversary) he mentioned that the 13 hour difference was making it difficult.

Thanks for your input. My own family and friends have been pretty negative about this and are all for the "forget about him approach."

[whatruckus]

I agree. He is a medic and a staff sergeant at that, so he's got a lot on his hands. I guess I've just been concerned because everyone I know is always saying "the connection in Korea is great!" And to make matters worse, I'm an army musician, so all of my comrades aren't familiar with dating people in much different MOS(es.). I guess I'm also concerned because this is the longest gap in communication I've experienced with him.

Not sure if he's contacted his family or friends. About 2 months into his assignment (our anniversary) he mentioned that the 13 hour difference was making it difficult.

Thanks for your input. My own family and friends have been pretty negative about this and are all for the "forget about him approach."

They say forget him because they don't know how it is. If he's a Medic and Staff Sergeant, he's more than likely taking care of anyone who's under him as well. He's pretty much in charge. My SO was/is a Sgt. (his buddies still call him Sarge), and he was always in contact with his guys. They were always bugging him about something, or they would mess up something and he'd have to fix it.

I'm sure the time difference is probably a huge factor as well, maybe he doesn't want to wake you up at times? I'm just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, since you haven't heard anything otherwise, you know?

[ShannRaff]

That's why I decided to join this community instead. Obviously I'm looking for realistic responses, but from people who are familiar with long distance relationships. As I mentioned before, he's never given me any reason before to question his honesty or his job commitment (he's always encouraged me to be upfront with him regarding my concerns.) And I noticed that I'm not blocked on anything on facebook, skype, etc, and the quick message I did send him hasn't yet been read. So Im going to hope for the best. Thanks again for your input....I really do appreciate it and I definitely hope to hear from his goofy self soon! Arrrrgh military!

[TaraMarie]

That's why I decided to join this community instead. Obviously I'm looking for realistic responses, but from people who are familiar with long distance relationships. As I mentioned before, he's never given me any reason before to question his honesty or his job commitment (he's always encouraged me to be upfront with him regarding my concerns.) And I noticed that I'm not blocked on anything on facebook, skype, etc, and the quick message I did send him hasn't yet been read. So Im going to hope for the best. Thanks again for your input....I really do appreciate it and I definitely hope to hear from his goofy self soon! Arrrrgh military!

Can you contact his family? If he was hurt they would surely know. And I am sure they would Post something on FB.

[ShannRaff]

I don't know his family (gotta love distance.) I know he has a brother on Facebook, but I just don't want to come off as creepy.

[TaraMarie]

I don't know his family (gotta love distance.) I know he has a brother on Facebook, but I just don't want to come off as creepy.

I think there is a difference between creepy and concerned. It's all In How you word it

[ShannRaff]

Oh of course. I'm not friends with any of his family on Facebook (Matt himself almost never goes on), so I was thinking about sending a private message obviously mentioning who I am, being courteous about sending a random message, but simply expressing my concern. So you'd recommend contacting family before mailing the letter (it's not ab"dear john" kind of thing.)