So....I dont think I want to get married...

[lonelyinlove]

Ok so its not that I dont want to get married bc i believe i do but not for awhile. Recently my SO tells me that within a year or so he is planning on proposing. Now we have been together for three years and a few months and in the begining of our relationship he stated that when we reached the four year mark he would most likely propose. Now I know ur all thing Whats wrong with that? And i guess to the normal person it would be a dream but to be honest the idea of marriage intimidates me. I know NO successful and happy marriages. Even the ones I think are legimate and happy I found out are shams. I love my boyfriend and sometimes I wish I had met him later in life because at the age of 23 I am soooo not ready to think about marriage. I dont think I ant to considered getting marriage until at least 26. And I know ur going to say why dont you just talk to him but he is so wanting to marry me and begin our life as a married couple and I dont want to risk losing him.
I just kind of want to know if these feelings or normal or at least if anyone can relate?

[DaisyWhisper]

Well just because he proposes to you, that does not mean you have to get married just yet. I know people that have been engaged for years because they can't afford to get married yet.

Don't feel pressured into anything, sit him down and explain how you feel and I am sure that he will be able to reassure you and make you feel safe, that is what our partners are there for. There is no reason to be afraid. If you two truly love each other, which you obviouly do then you won't loose him over this, trust me.

If it helps, my parents have been happily married for nearly 20 years, and been together for many more! Stop fretting, everything will be okay for you guys!

[Kiara]

Hi lonelyinlove, I think that acceptiong to marry your SO this year just because you are afraid of loosing him would have any sense. How can a marriage that starts in this way work? Make sure you talk with him about your thoughts. It's perfectly normal to not feel ready for marriage at 23! I'm 23 too, and I understand you. But dont panic, simply continue to discover more about yourself (first) and your SO, and then you will feel when you will be ready!

[lucybelle]

I agree with the two above me. If you marry him just because he wants you to, you will also wind up an unhappy married couple! Relationships are about openness and communication. Tell him how much you love him and how you DO want to spend your life with him, but marriage intimidates you and you feel too young to get married. Then ask him how he feels about it. That's not saying that there's anything wrong with the relationship or with him, just your feelings. 23 is pretty young, in my opinion

[Zephii]

If you don't want to, don't.

Usually these threads are started by women, from the perspective of "why hasn't he asked yet?" so it's refershing to get one on the other side of the fence!

I might be cynical, but all relationships, not just the married ones, are a sham at some point. Lots of people pretend they are happy and satisfied when they are not. Lots of people pretend they are monogomous and they are not, etc... the thing is... what do you personally define as a successful marriage? Is it "til death" no matter how unhappy you are? Or a happy marriage that ended with an amicable divorce?

There are also courses you can take as a couple to be better prepared. And you can read up on the law, as marriage is a legal insitiution, it's good to have a better understanding. Do some research of your own too, ask around. Go shopping and see how many oldies are wearing wedding bands.

But if you're not ready, better let him know before he proposes, because Obi would have me believe that the proposing is rather terrifying, and a no is almost unrecoverable.

[Sierra]

There's nothing wrong with not being ready for marriage, or not wanting to get married, it's really not necessary for every couple. When I was a teen, I remember one of my friends realized that his parents weren't married. He always thought that they were, but they weren't. He asked them if they ever planned on getting married and they said no, they were strong as a couple and didn't need a ring to show the world that.

Some people do need a ring.

When I was a little younger than you are now, I was engaged, but you know, I had no intention of actually marrying him. I felt like I had to say yes, I had to get married, it was the right thing to do, but it wasn't the right thing to do FOR ME. I called off the wedding and I thought our relationship wouldn't survive that, but it did. We did end up breaking up but over much different things.

I work in family law and I don't really believe marriages last, I also come from a broken home which has left me jaded, but I do want to get married. It's ok if you don't, but I would suggest talking to your partner about this. Just tell him you're not ready to be married or think about marriage yet, but it's certainly not a rejection of him. From what you said, it sounds like you're scared he's going to take you not being ready for marriage as you rejecting him but that's not what you're doing at all. Sit down and talk to him about it, tell him you love him and want to be with him, you're just not ready for marriage. Honey, if he can't respect that, I hate to say it, but then he isn't the man for you.

[lonelyinlove]

Thanks everyone for responding. I think I was overthinking it. I do believe that if I talked to my SO he would understanding my point of view. But thats a possible whole year from now and i will deal with i when the time comes. Im really grateful for u guys and this site...