Do I have to have a wedding one day?

[Lady Death]

Before anyone comments...
my SO and I have been together for almost a year, we haven't met IRL and I still haven't told my folks about him.
But he and I talk about our future on a regular basis.

But the thing is...I'm most likely not going to like the idea of a wedding. Sure, I'd love to get married to him one day, but a wedding...I'm just not seeing it.

I can't picture myself in a dress(I'm a tomboy)...and definitely can't picture people seeing me in a dress.
I can't picture our relatives gathering to see us become one at the altar.
I can't picture spending money for a one-day event.(heck, most girls who turn 18 in the Philippines have a debut...I didn't have one, my folks and I just went to see Vietnam)

I once told my mom that I'd rather sign the papers required for marriage, and then travel the world with my future husband instead. But my dad said that it's better that we had a small wedding instead.


Is this normal, or am I just not romantic enough?
Even my bf is more romantic than I am.
(also, I'm not so sure if this is the right thread for such a question)

[CanadianGirl]

Completely normal. I'm like you, never been able to picture having a wedding. I can certainly see myself being happily married to my SO, but the idea of a wedding is odd. I'm not a fan of tradition or ceremonies at all. A lot of my family is super traditional, and the idea of an interracial wedding will probably be way out of their comfort zone. My grandma would just keel over if she knew about my SO..

The only part of a wedding that seems appealing is the idea of professing my love for him in an official way. I feel like that's what it would take to get my family to accept us. Also, if we get married, it'll make closing the distance much easier in a legal sense.

Ideally, we elope and afterwards we can throw an awesome party for anyone who wants to help us celebrate.

[kittyo9]

It's totally fine! The big white-dress wedding isn't for everyone. Some people just go to their town hall and get "legally" married and that's it. Other people have really small ceremonies. When my mom got married again, she just wore a nice yellow dress and my stepdad wore a suit, and we only invited close relatives and went out to lunch afterwards and that was it. They didn't even go on a honeymoon.

[Dziubka]

I used to not want to have a wedding at all.
Just sign the contract, maybe in a lighthouse and with immediate family (parents, siblings) present. That has changed now, but I still think that getting married is about the two people getting married and they should do it exactly the way they want.
It's like celebrating birthdays. Some people love it and throw a huge party every year, some don't. Np one needs to have a birthday party, but if someone likes throwing parties and celebrating then their birthday is a good reason.
If you don't like parties or being the center of attraction, that's fine. You don't have to have a wedding.
I think it would be nice to ask your parents if they want to be there with you and maybe have dinner afterwards, especially if getting married is a big deal for them. But you don't have to do anything.

I want a huge party, because I believe if there ever was a reason to celebrate then it's fact that my boyfriend and I love each other. I have my birthday every day with relatively little effort from my side, but my boyfriend and I making it through years of long distance relationship and starting a family together is a big achivement and definitely a reason to have a party.

[Dar917]

Of course not, I'm the same way. For one thing, weddings are EXPENSIVE. Just the cake can cost thousands of dollars. And what if you end up getting divorced a year or two later? It just seems like a waste of money to me. If I ever get married I'd rather just go to the courthouse with a friend or two for witnesses and be done with it; my SO is fine with that too. We're also not religious so don't care to do the whole church wedding.

Ideally, we elope and afterwards we can throw an awesome party for anyone who wants to help us celebrate.

That's what I want to do. xD

[Zephii]

I just got married, and one thing I learnt is: It's not about you. Really it isn't. I don't really remember very much of it at all, I was too frazled
But, it made people really happy. It bought our two families together and I don't think any other event will achieve that (internationalness). My sister is like you, doesn't want a wedding, but there's so much pressure for her to do so, because everyone wants to be part of it. Your vows to your partner (which are legally required in my country) are about you and him/her, but the rest of it... I thought of it a bit like a gift, like I'm so happy with my SO that I want to share that with everyone, and usually sharing happiness involves sharing food

Your wedding can be the way you like though. You don't have to wear a dress. My grandmother got married in a suit,and lots of people are branching away from the traditional big white frou-frou.
There doesn't have to be an altar.
If your parents are so keen, ask them to pitch in financially, as is traditional.
The ceremony isn't the expensive bit. It's the reception that kills you, so look at different styles of reception. A brunch reception, or a desert only reception for a small group wouldn't cost much. I once went to a pot-luck wedding, and that wasn't too shabby either (though if you go this route, don't ask your guests for gifts. I was a bit miffed to have to bring my own dinner AND buy them something >.> haha).

Of course you don't have to have a wedding, and at times in the planning of my own I seriously wished I'd eloped, but put a lot of thought into it and talk to him before you rule it out. You don't want to regret not doing it either.

[princessmeg1328]

You really don't have to have a big wedding. It's you and your SO who are getting married, and it shouldn't be about anybody else. You and your SO should choose how you want to get married. As long as you're happy, everyone else will be too. My fiance and I considered just eloping, as it would be easier. We didn't in the end because some parents make a fuss. Even if you decide to have a small wedding now, there's nothing saying you can't have a big vow renewal ceremony later.

[13000km]

If it were up to us, we would get married without having a wedding. But that will break our families' hearts, and I don't want to do that out of my own selfishness. So we will have a wedding. A small and inexpensive one (hopefully no poofy dress), just so that my dad gets to walk his only daughter down the aisle and our moms get to cry and our aunts get to give us gifts we don't really need. At the end of the day, those things will most likely make us both happy as well. (:

[Lady Death]

Thanks for the tips everyone!

However, my bf and I just spoke to each other about marriage recently.
I told him that "I might not want a wedding" and he insists that "we NEED one."

*sigh*

I'm afraid this is one of those few things that we might end up arguing about.
It's just not me, but I do respect him.
I at the most want a small reception.
I said people can make or bring their own food(like one of you guys suggested) and he says no, just because people have to bring food doesn't mean they will and that we'll have to have catering instead.


Just the thought of us disagreeing on these things is almost making my head hurt...

[SquishyLove]

I think in this case you guys should try to come to a compromise. It's just one day, I don't think you should let it get you down. And if you guys aren't even engaged and planning yet, I wouldn't sweat it too much, to be honest. Keep talking about it, but try not to go the route of fighting. Sometimes it turns into something more than you originally wanted, but at the end of the day the most important thing is you will be married. If it's really important to him, you should be willing to compromise. Marriage is never "my way or the highway," it's composed of mutual compromise to make both in the couple happy. He should also be willing to compromise for you too, however. I hope you guys can find some good middle-ground so both of you can be happy!