Wedding vs. House

[Kerry]

this is something that is probably going to be an issue for me- choosing a wedding or a down payment on a house. my fiance and I plan on getting married next year and since I'm footing the bill something's gotta give. as a little girl I always dreamed about a big wedding but that alone could cost me the same as a down payment of a house. has anyone had to make any compromises like this?

[Zephii]

Great thread idea. I think this is something most people have to face, but a lot of people don't think about until they start planning a wedding and they realise how expensive it's going to be.
Things are also a lot different now from when our parents (and their parents) married. The rules are different.

For us, we saved for our house during the first year of living together, and then after he proposed we locked that money away in a term deposit and started working towards the wedding. Luckily (I guess!?) Obi got hit by a car a few years back, and we relied heavily on his settlement money to get us through - because both of us struggled for work in 2011, and we had an international move to save for too.
I also know that without the move, and without having to fork out for flights and accomadation for people, the wedding would have been a lot cheaper. That money could have gone towards a house deposit, but alone would never have been enough for one.

Buying our first home is one of those things that we had to put as a lower priority however. We can't afford to buy in Australia, (and even if we could, I know Obi wouldn't want to) and being finished bearing children well before I'm 30 was not something I was willing to compromise on - having said children in my country was another thing I wasn't backing down on (for the first at least) so something had to go. And that was buying a home. We'll do that in five years, in his country.

But this is how I think of the house vrs wedding thing:
* I would never buy a house with a man I wasn't married to
* You only get married once (in theory anyway!) so you should probably do it right - whatever way "right" is for you
* Most people don't live in the same house forever
* There's nothing wrong with working a few extra years and becoming established in your career before taking on the financial burden of a home-loan.

[Dziubka]

I don't want to buy a house anytime soon, because even years after we'll both have finished university we might not know where we'll eventually end up. So we have a lot of time after the wedding to save up for a down payment.

A wedding is a party to celebrate our relationship, love and committment to each other. We have a lot of all of these and the suitable way to celebrate that is a real epic party, so we're going to have one.

[dukes2011]

I definitely agree with Zephii that in theory you only get married once, so do it the way you want to. You may regret not having the wedding of your dreams. Yes, a house is important but you will most likely not live in that house forever. You may have to compromise and spend a little less on your wedding or make a smaller down-payment, but in the end never sacrifice your happiness or your SO's happiness.

My SO and I basically know we'll probably have to rent for while when we close the distance which sucks, but in the long run it will make more sense. We have no idea where we'll want to settle down, so we don't want to be locked into something as big as a mortgage. Another possibility could be to rent a smaller place for the right price and continually set aside money for a down-payment.

[Bethypoo]

But this is how I think of the house vrs wedding thing:
* I would never buy a house with a man I wasn't married to
* You only get married once (in theory anyway!) so you should probably do it right - whatever way "right" is for you
* Most people don't live in the same house forever
* There's nothing wrong with working a few extra years and becoming established in your career before taking on the financial burden of a home-loan.

Great point!!!! Besides you can have a big dream wedding that looks expensive without really being expensive. It CAN be done!

[lucybelle]

I agree with the above posts. There's nothing wrong with being a married couple in an apartment for 5 years. Hell, lots of families live in apartments. I'd hands down choose a fun wedding over buying a house immediately. Plus, owning a house is SO.MUCH.WORK!

[13000km]

We choose wedding, because we have made a commitment to each other but not to where we want to eventually live. We will, however, continue to put money into savings that will some day become a down payment for a house.

[Zephii]

Plus, owning a house is SO.MUCH.WORK!

This. Seriously!

[Sora1101]

I guess I'm the only one who would do house first :P

To me I'd much rather get a cheap home with my SO rather than get married right away but that's just how it's gonna play out in our relationship, we're both young and getting married right now isn't ideal we still have a lot of growing to do but having a cheap house together is something we can build on together, it will help us connect as a couple in a CDR setting that we've never had before and renting apartments in the area we would be moving too is a hell of a lot more expensive in the long run than getting a small house.

In my opinion a wedding isn't necessary, it's a nice thing to have yes but when it comes down to it I'd much rather have a roof over my head than a ring around my finger. And like I said getting a house that needs fixing will show you how you can cope with budgeting and money as a couple before you're stuck together in a legally binding relationship.

[Tooki]

I will end up going marriage first.

If all things work out in my relationship, we will move around a lot. Also, I don't want to buy in Australia. Especially in Melbourne, because by the time I can afford to buy a house the prices will be far too inflated.

[floridaellen]

I'm cheap. I look at the cost of weddings and go "OMG I'm just going to elope". But then I remember that while a wedding may just be one day, it's your special day. It's your day to celebrate your relationship and to blend your families together as one. It's an important day! You have your whole life to buy a house but only one day to make your wedding perfect.

[garnet]

I don't consider a fancy wedding important, and spending THAT much money on one day? Just no. You will have memories of your wedding and can make it special no matter what, you don't have to spend thousands of dollars to have a magical day. I'm very surprised that you all want a huge wedding > house downpayment. This baffles me. If you don't want a house, sure live in an apartment, but put that saved money into savings! Get a car! Do something that lasts more than a day. jmo

[Trethsparr]

I don't consider a fancy wedding important, and spending THAT much money on one day? Just no. You will have memories of your wedding and can make it special no matter what, you don't have to spend thousands of dollars to have a magical day. I'm very surprised that you all want a huge wedding > house downpayment. This baffles me. If you don't want a house, sure live in an apartment, but put that saved money into savings! Get a car! Do something that lasts more than a day. jmo

I completely agree.^ A wedding doesn't have to completely break the bank to be elegant and beautiful, especially since it really does pass by in a blur anyway. I chose to save the money -- if not for a house right now, than for other important, unexpected costs that may come up. Life is expensive.

[Sora1101]

I'm cheap. I look at the cost of weddings and go "OMG I'm just going to elope". But then I remember that while a wedding may just be one day, it's your special day. It's your day to celebrate your relationship and to blend your families together as one. It's an important day! You have your whole life to buy a house but only one day to make your wedding perfect.

Playing devils advocate here but you have your whole life to get married you kinda need a place to live, and apartments are more expensive in the grand scheme of things. Wouldn't you much rather already have a place so that you can save up the tons of money you feel like blowing for a wedding and so you have a real home to go home to after the wedding/honeymoon?

There are a lot more memories that can be made in your own personal house than the one day a wedding lasts.

[Zephii]

Why's everyone so against renting? I mean yes, it's a massive money sink - but it teaches you a lot. It teaches you what you want in a place, give you a chance to live, pay bills, learn to manage money.
Owning a home is hard. You don't just buy it and pay off your 30 year mortgage and forget it. Every time something breaks, you must pay to fix it. When you rent, some other bastard takes care of it when your house floods, or you have a gas leak, your oven breaks... when you own, you fork out for those expenses.
What happens when you start a family and your first tiny house becomes your investment property? You get a tenant into that house, you have to manage it for them. And if they trash it, you deal with that too.

You do need a place to live - but you don't actually need to own that place.