Question about weddings/marriage.

[Sora1101]

I think my SO is going to be more of the planner and I'll be occasionally inputting my suggestions where I see fit. My SO is so much more adept at decor and food and all that jazz and I'm not much of a girly girl where I have to plan everything with pink and roses and doves. xD

[11MikesGirl21]

I just wanted to see what other people thought, since he thinks I'm crazy for being less excited about my wedding day. I completely understand that some girls have been planning their wedding day for a long time, but I'm not one of them. I have a hundred ideas (my pinterest board shows that...) but that's the thing. They're all ideas. My SO and I have been bouncing ideas off of each other (well, okay, I throw ideas out there and he says yes or no) for a while. We haven't settled on anything-but we're not engaged yet.

@11MikesGirl21 We're pretty much in the same boat. We're not unofficially engaged, though. We're pre-engaged. We've been there for a while, but we've known from the beginning that this is a relationship is different from any previous ones. So now we're just waiting until we can afford to get engaged and have a wedding.

Yeah, that's part of our problem too. Well that and we're only 20 and we got engaged on our 7 month anniversary We both have zero money to spend. The engagement ring we have, which I don't wear because it's not official yet, is my grandmother's. He asked her for it, so she knows it's in the "works" so everyone is just waiting for it to happen. The basic plan we have is that when it comes time to annouce it we'll just do that. Won't say how long it's been, will just say it officially. He's also planned two weddings before, a friend of his and his mother's second or third wedding, so he knows what to do, so he better help me out. I can do the whole, "wanting it look like this "thing, making it all come together is what he's good at.

[Tooki]

I'll let her do it. She is more picky than am

[floridaellen]

My SO and I have been talking loosely about marriage. He has some specifications for the wedding. He wants it to be in his home church that he grew up in. He wants the colors to be blue and white like all the other members of his family. He wants there to be some booze :P He doesn't like big ballgown dresses, which is totally fine because that doesn't seem like my style either (tried on dresses like that for prom... ended up with a slim A-line). I know he will care about the food since he is in the restaurant industry. We plan on making the decisions together but he will give me pretty free reign on the flowers, bridal party clothing, ect. I'm glad he doesn't think it's all about me; he thinks it's about us. Otherwise I'd feel like I was coercing him.

I completely understand and respect relationships where the guy doesn't really mind though. It's a personal choice! My SO just has a lot of opinions about everything :P

[lademoiselle]

There's a wedding show in the UK called Don't Tell the Bride, in which the groom is the one who has to choose every detail of his wedding, from the venue to the cake to the bride's dress! I think it's really interesting, and you know, if it wasn't for the fact that I know it'd stress my poor SO out of his mind, I'd totally consider an arrangement like this. For me the wedding day would be of small importance in comparison to the marriage that would follow, and if my SO and I do end up getting wed I'd like our big day to be about both of us

[LoveL]

The wedding is absolutely about the couple, not one individual.


Ever see the show Bridezilla? (Sure, it's just a TV show but there are actually people who act like that) I wonder how many of those couples actually last longer than a couple of years.

Starting out your married relationship thinking that any aspect of that relationship is solely focused on one person or the other is only asking for trouble. It's a bad habit for the bride to be of the mindset that that day and that ceremony and everything surrounding it is only about her. And it's a mistake for the groom to accept that and just blindly go along with it because "it's what she wants".

I understand the long term dream wedding planning that some girls do, the same way that some guys visualize themselves as a war hero from a Chuck Norris movie. But going into something as serious as your wedding with the mindset that "This is about me and what I want because it's my dream wedding" is only going to make the guy feel less empowered.

There is a reason that guys feel like little more than the plastic groom on top of the cake at some weddings and that's because of the selfish mindset that can exist. The groom basically becomes just a place holder and figure head during the ceremony, when the focus is only on the wedding and what the girl has always pictured.

Like anything else, if this isn't something that is done for both parties involved, then you're just asking for trouble. And it may seem like a stupid and piddly thing to take so seriously. But to come into a marriage with the frame of mind that "I get what I want, regardless of how he feels because I have been planning this since I was a little girl" shows that you're more concerned with yourself than you are with the health of the new unit... the couple....both of you. And that's dangerous for the relationship. It's a slippery slope.

Marriage is about the unity of both people into one 'thing'. You are both individuals, yes. But it's about the unit as a whole; not one or the other.

[lyonsgirl]

LoveL, that is exactly how I feel. I'm not nearly as good with words as you are.

I have nothing against the girls who plan their dream weddings (I have. Several times. It's always different, though...) but if they're unwilling to be flexible, it concerns me. (Same goes for guys.) I guess it also concerns me because my friend & his girlfriend have started looking at locations. Like, visiting the locations. Not just googling places that would be fun. But seriously looking. His excuse is that they don't think a year is enough time to plan a wedding, so they're starting now.

It's very interesting to see what everyone thinks, thanks for all of your responses so far!

[kiara_silver]

Me and my SO have talked about marriage and weddings throughout our relationship. And been more frequent these past months. (not engaged yet, but theres been talk and a ring involved!) He defiantly wants to be involved in the planning. He's worked at multiple weddings, the setting up and cleaning up, and has his views and a lot of good ideas. And I want him to be just as involved, I think we have similar enough tastes that our wedding will be what we both want. It's not my day, I know theres the whole the brides big day, but to me a wedding is celebrating "us" Showing to everyone "our" love. Its us becoming one. And he's as into our big day as i am, and encourages me to look at ideas and he watches some of the wedding shows, and shows me things. So he's very involved. Which makes me happy, I have a man who is fully involved in every aspect of our future

[BabyDimples]

It's defineatly about both of us, not just me. I always thought about my wedding, but although I still think about the little details, dresses, bridesmaids and such, I don't actually think about the wedding or what the after party is going to be like and what I want and decorations etc. All I know is that I want roses and lilies, and a red and white theme. Reason being, I'm moving over to him and don't have a clue where we are getting married or what the place we will have our after party at will look like, and I need to picture things in my head to imagine them. I don't think it's all about me at all. It's about both of us, though I am chosing the more decorative things (as far as I know) because I'm the more creative one I also get to pick the music that I walk down the aisle to, which is You & Me by Lifehouse, and I made him pinky promise to chose the song for our first dance It's just as much about him as it is me, and he agree's with the ideas that I have up to now that I actually like too! In my family, it's a tradition to get married at Stranton All Saints Church as well, which is where I always thought that I would get married. However, the church is over here, and I did orginially want to fly back over here for it, but he is Catholic and getting married in a Christian church would defineatly not be how he imagined his wedding! I doubt that he would be allowed to get married in a Christian church anyway, and it really doesn't both me that much about getting married in a Catholic church because I don't believe in god.

[alesitag]

God knows my dream job is being a wedding planner, because I have lots of ideas and like to organize everything to be perfect. I helped one of my aunts with her wedding seven years ago. I designed and made the wedding invitations, thank you cards, keepsakes, and souvenirs. I designed her wedding dress and gave her and her SO many many many ideas and the wedding was perfect... it was small, intimate, fun, emotional... B-E-A-U-TIFUL!! They really got together just fine while planning their wedding and their marriage is just fine!

To me, the wedding day and the marriage it's definitely about me and my SO. I want him to help and make choices.

We've been talking about it, nothing too serious, but he actually asked me if I'd mind having an inexpensive wedding. I said no, because that's not what I want (of course I love watching wedding shows and dream about having a luxury wedding, but in the end that's not me). I know if we ever get to that point (that's what we both want, but we still have a long way to go) he'll definitely have a saying regarding food and wine because he's picky (so am I, but he's a passionate food lover), he'll get to chose what to wear (as long as it's not a bright colored pimp suit like these LOL.



We both have been thinking about a small beach wedding here in Mexico, standing in the sand on our bare feet, close friends and family, good music, good food, lots of fun...

However, with my ex, he told a mutual friend he was going to propose later this year, and he wanted to give me a surprise wedding... I wouldn't have to worry about anything because he was going to plan the whole thing since he knew my taste (didn't I just say I LOVE ORGANIZING WEDDINGS??)... all I was going to do, was picking my dress... Get the F*** Out Of Here!!!

Also, I'd like to add, my SO is the only bf I have actually pictured a future together, I've imagined us living together, cooking, buying groceries, getting ready for work, raising our children... the whole picture!!!

[leonsfangirl]

I asked my SO what he wanted to do when we get married and that's exactly what we're going to do. We have zero interest in churches,dresses,suits, flowers and speeches. We are going to the courthouse signing what we have to and having a BBQ weather allowing with family and friends. We are actually planning on not telling anyone the date until a day or so before so no one can plan and make a big deal out of it.
Weddings should be what BOTH people want and this is what we want. No frills,no fuss, just us.

[dglynn77]

Well, we have not discussed marriage yet at all. I think I might be a little different because I don't have a dream wedding. Even as a girl, I never really dreamed about my wedding. (unless you count this one crazy nightmare I had lol) I dreamed about being married, and being a good wife and future mommy, but never the actual wedding. Although I will be super excited for my wedding, I don't want to just focus on one day more than the rest of my life. I will want to have a nice wedding, of course, but basically really simple.
And if he wanted to help plan it, totally fine with me! it's not just my wedding!

[princessmeg1328]

My fiance and I are getting married next year! I've done most of the planning so far, and I only get his input when I force it out of him. He's one of those that thinks it's all about the bride. I keep telling him that it's not, but he's still very hesitant to help me with anything. It's very difficult to plan a wedding without any real input from anybody, and it seems to be even harder without him here to help. The only thing that he's asked of me is to try to keep it as inexpensive as possible, which is what I'm doing, and that he wants to wear a suit instead of a tux. I've even had to ask him multiple times who he wants in the wedding party. It just doesn't seem to be very important to him. The hardest part for me so far is planning a wedding about the two of us without getting anything from him. I just console myself with the fact that if he doesn't like it, he can't complain.

[13000km]

I believe a wedding is about celebrating the couple. Knowing my boyfriend he isn't going to care about the planning much at all. In fact, he might not offer as much input as I would like because he just doesn't care about what goes on in a wedding. I will be running every decision by him though, because there are some things he is going to want, like dancing (which I don't like), since that's the part of weddings his family enjoys the most. Thankfully, his sister is amazing at wedding planning so I fully intend to get a lot of help from her. (:

[DemonxOisin]

God knows my dream job is being a wedding planner, because I have lots of ideas and like to organize everything to be perfect.

Please plan my wedding. I shudder at the thought of planning D:

Anyways, we´re kind of unofficially engaged also. We just kind of want to spend some time living together before getting to that stage. Neither one of us believes in divorce, and we want to be sure. However, we do feel that we are perfect for each other, and that´s what we are working towards. In terms of wedding planning, I´d probably be the creative input, and Miguel would be the one to get things done :P A team effort! :3