His Mother's Wedding Dress
My fiance's mother has offered to let me wear her wedding dress. It was originally her mother's dress and since she does not have a daughter, she wants me to wear it. It is a lovely 50s style dress with lots of poof and lace, kind of like this--https://www.etsy.com/listing/93602480/vintage-1950s-wedding-dress-classic but the skirt doesn't have tiers, it;s just one layer. The main issue is that she was at least 6 dress sizes larger than I am, she is several inches taller than I am, and the neck is really high and I cannot stand anything around my neck for more than a few minutes (I can't even stand turtlenecks). I wouldn't mind wearing it, but I am worried that the costs to alter it would be ridiculous and she might not allow me to change the neckline. I am also worried that all the poofy-ness will swallow me whole as I am very petite. So I am asking y'all's opinion: should I take her up on her offer and hope the alterations don't cost as much as a new dress or just buy a new dress?
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14Wear the dress and make minimum alterations (even if it means I am uncomfortable)0.00%0Wear the dress and make the major alterations to make the dress to my liking14.29%2Buy a new dress85.71%12 -
well on the one hand it's sooo sweet of her offering you to wear her dress.. it's a family thing and I'm sure she would be happy to see you in it. But on the other hand, it's your wedding and your dress. It's moreover YOUR day!you should feel comfy and pretty in it... if you like it but would change it a bit then go for it.. but if you don't feel well in it get you an own one!I'm sure she will understand it. Did you ask your SO what he thinks about it? -
I didn't vote, but I think you have your 'out' to make the decision of your choice. It will NOT be cheap to alter a dress like that down 6 sizes. The entire dress will have to be opened at every seam. Take the photo to a dress shop and ask for an idea of the price. I would be shocked if the expense wasn't staggering.
lala is correct its YOUR day, you should have it the way you want. If you want to use the dress, obviously your SO's mother will know it has to be altered to fit your petite size. Ask her if she would mind you changing the neckline of the dress, before you commit to using it and if she doesn't want any changes to the dress, then you can use the expense of alterations as a valid reason not to use the dress.
Congratulations.. and good luck!
Everything I know, and anywhere I go, It gets hard but it won't take away my love,
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done, It gets hard but it won't take away my love
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My SO says it's up to meComment
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Did you try trying the dress on in front of his mom and pointing out everything you would change to make it yours? She might not want it to be altered that much and may let you out of it. OR tell her how much it would cost to have it altered... that might also help.
If you LOVE it, wear it.
If not, it is YOUR day.
Best of luck!!!
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Well...have you asked your future mother-in-law if you can make alterations to the gown to make it more your taste?
If it ends up being too expensive or too impractical to do it, you could incorporate some part of the gown into yours. I know people who have torn fabric from their mothers gowns and sewn it onto their own so that piece of their family history is still there.
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You only get married once (in theory
) so you need to do it the way that you would feel happy with your dress.
like others have said, have you tried it on/discussed with the future mother inlaw what you would want to change?
personally I'm not a fan of the 'hand-me-down wedding dress" and will be getting my own, but some people do really like the idea and you could turn the dress into something quite amazing if you're allowed to alter it to your taste.
so how do you really feel in your heart about it?
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I think it's a very sweet and sentimental gesture on your future MIL's part, but I for one couldn't accept the offer. For me it would be too important to wear a dress of my choice, a new garment for a new marriage. That's just my personal opinion though and as the previous posters said, you have to do what you feel is right for you
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I agree. It might have more meaning if it was my own Mothers wedding dress (even that is way to 80s for me!) but I think I'd like to pick out my own, seems like one of the fun things to do for a wedding.Originally posted by lademoiselle View PostI think it's a very sweet and sentimental gesture on your future MIL's part, but I for one couldn't accept the offer. For me it would be too important to wear a dress of my choice, a new garment for a new marriage. That's just my personal opinion though and as the previous posters said, you have to do what you feel is right for youComment
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Is there any way you could compromise? Maybe get your own dress for ceremony and pictures, but wear her dress for a little bit at the reception? Or vice versa? Just another idea. If you're really uncomfortable wearing her dress though, I would definitely get your own. It's your day, and you should wear what makes you comfortable. Don't do something just because she's your future MIL. I'm sure she'll understand if you explain to her why you don't want to wear her dress."I'll hold you in my heart till I can hold you in my arms again."
"It's supposed to be hard! If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard...is what makes it great! -A League of Their Own
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I'd say go get your own and bring your future mother in law with you! Take her opinion to heart and get something you both like
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Or, a similar idea - if the alterations are within your budget - maybe you could wear the dress just for some of the pictures? That way you'd have that piece of family history preserved, but you could still wear something you like and are actually comfortable in for the ceremony and reception.Originally posted by princessmeg1328 View PostComment
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That's really kind of her to offer. I know if my SO's mother offered I would have to wonder if she laced it with poison, but... we won't go there. She also has terrible fashion sense.
Do you like the dress? Would you want to wear it if you had seen it before she offered? Will she be insulted if you don't? Will she help pay for alterations?
It's YOUR day. YOU need to be happy and enjoy it. If that means wearing the dress to please his mother and you don't mind, then do that. If that means not wearing the dress so you don't stress over the money you spent altering it, then do that. YOUR happiness is what's important here.
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