Legal Ceremony Before Formal Ceremony?

[princessmeg1328]

My fiance and I have been engaged since January, and we're planning to have a formal ceremony next May. However when we were on Skype yesterday, we came up with an idea to have a legal ceremony in November so that we can go ahead and get all of the paperwork done before the formal ceremony. We are an international couple so I have to get a visa before I can move over to England. That can take up to three months. I also want to make sure to change my name and get a new passport before I apply for my visa which adds even more time.

I talked to my mom about it a little bit yesterday, and she said that she doesn't think it's a bad idea. She, however, didn't say it was a good idea. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with my fiance, but I can't decide if we should go ahead and have a legal ceremony in November or just wait. Even if we do have the legal ceremony in November, we would still have the formal ceremony in May. Deposits have already been paid for the venue and photographers, and my dress is already paid for.

Any advice would be so appreciated! Thank you.

[mllebamako]

I think that this is often what international couples end up doing because of how long visa processing takes. I guess it all depends on how big of a hurry you are in to move!

[nicole]

This is exactly what my SO and I have done, we had our legal ceremony in March, sent all the paperwork off, and our wedding is a year tomorrow!

Honestly, you never know when the visa will come through, so to spend money on a bigger formal wedding whilst crossing your fingers all your paperwork will be through just adds so much more stress to an already stressful time! All I had to deal with my parents freaking out about us eloping by ourselves- we didn't consider our legal ceremony our "wedding" and didn't want anybody there, but they thought differently and ended up coming.

But yes from my experience, legal ceremony and having all that nasty paperwork done before "the main event" is a great idea, I feel a lot better knowing I have a long time to get my travel and residency permits dealt with so I can focus on the big day

[lucybelle]

That's what me and my SO plan on doing. We'll elope in January, move to the USA once we get the visa, then have a nice big wedding everyone can party at.

[princessmeg1328]

Thank you so much for your replies! Everything you all have said has really helped me a lot. I think I know what I'm going to do now. Thanks.

[limegreen]

My situation is a bit different, but we will be doing it this way too. SO and I are a same sex couple so we will be going to Washington DC (2.5 hours away) to have the legal part done on March 1, 2013 because I want our license to have our official date. Then we will be having the actual wedding on March 2nd (or possibly later depending on went we can book everything.)

[kirbycat]

I have a couple friends who did it - her whole family's in Vietnam, and she and her now-husband are in the States, so they went ahead with the legal ceremony and then planned the big formal ceremony for a time when her whole family could be involved (maybe 6-ish months later). I don't think it's an uncommon thing for couples to do.

[Gelfling]

I would still make the legal ceremony a special occasion, even if it's not as big as the formal ceremony. Dress up, go to a nice restaurant after, and if you can get parents or other important people there, even better. One of the questions on my application for permanent residency for Canada was, "Were your families and friends at the wedding? If not, why not?" I wouldn't be surprised if there's a similar thing on spousal visas to England.

I expect that there's nothing wrong with saying that there's a bigger party planned for later, but if you show them that the legal bits are a big deal too, that helps show that there's no marriage of convenience thing going on.

[princessmeg1328]

Thank you everyone for your input! It's really helped us to come to a decision. Now for an update. We recently found out the new UK visa rules, and they are the determining factor in our decision. As a result of the new visa rules, we are getting married in November. If we don't, we won't qualify under the new rules. Once again, they you for your input. We both really appreciate it.