Expensive bacholorette parties?

[Kiyama]

So is that a thing these days?
I can't help but to feel a bit annoyed. I had a close friend getting married last year. Her sister organized a bachelorette party that took us out to this little barn. We stayed over night and it was fun and all but paying the car ride there and paying for the night over additionally to food and drinks wasn't exactly cheap.
So this year, another friend of mine is getting married and her mum is planning her bachelorette party. She has now suggested we go on a weekend trip. Meaning, we are supposed to take Friday of (which isn't possible for teachers) and then stay two nights in a rented house in a city on the other end of Germany. Trains are super expensive here, plus two nights in a house and going out and doing stuff over there?
I begin to feel really desperate. I'm still in training so I don't earn loads and such stuff isn't affordable for me. And I'm also annoyed because I don't see the point. What happens to an easy fun night out with your friends?!
Why does it need to be huge?
I curious what you think about that

[ChibiFelicia]

Im lucky that when my friends got married they mostly wanted a night out. A couple did bigger things but i couldnt get time off work (i work shifts as a nurse) and they work in the medical field too so they understood. I just joined them later when i could make it (making it cheaper for me xD).
As for my party my friend organised it, she wanted to do a weekend thing but i was like nahhhhhh lol. Ended up having a full day of just messing around at her house then went out drinking and dancing. What actually annoyed me was that some of my other friends said they couldn't do a weekend thing cause it'll be expensive but they also made excuses for not being able to make a night out! Too far apparently. Even though we offered them to stay at my friends house (we all crashed at hers). Honestly this is for another thread but those "friends" just don't see my relationship with the hubby as "real" ohwell.

[XxFranticLovexX]

Honestly, I've never really seen the point in bachelor/bachelorette parties in general. I guess it would be something nice/fun for someone who is used to going out and stuff before getting married, but that's just not really me, so maybe I don't really understand it the way I should.

I really don't see the need to spend so much money on something like that either. The money could be put to much better use, especially since the person is getting married and probably has things that they will need other than lingerie, alcohol, a night out, an inappropriately shaped cake (I'm sure you know what I mean here), and possibly a few strippers. Well.. they could still put money on the lingerie, but the rest seems trivial.

A night out with friends seems much more reasonable and cost effective imo.

[Trethsparr]

I had a wedding shower with female friends and relatives. It was lovely. I really didn't feel the need for a wild night/weekend out.

[mllebamako]

That is so obnoxious. I think the whole wedding culture has gotten out of control these days. I didn't have a bachelorette party since we basically eloped but my cousin did a great one. We just went and spent a night in a cabin that was only an hour away by car. We all carpooled up there, her best friend paid for food and her sister paid for the cabin (really cheap since it's on a national park), and everyone brought a drink to share. And there was no pressure so that if people weren't interested in spending the night or couldn't, it was no big deal and they left when it got late.

[Zephii]

That is so obnoxious. I think the whole wedding culture has gotten out of control these days.

This all the way.

I think the whole point of bachelor parties is redundant now. Way back when, it was a man's last night to host a dinner party, because from there on in his wife would take care of it (or so I read when I was going through my wedding phase). Or it makes sense for an arranged marriage - last night of freedom kind of stuff. But for the majority of people who date for ages before they marry, are fully committed and exclusive, well... they lost that freedom a long time ago. (Or that's how it worked in my relationship anyway )

I've never personally been mates with anyone who's been over the top with it like that though, and for Obi and I we had a combined party. Went out for dinner, some pubs and a nightclub and made out with some randoms. I think the person who spent the most was my sister, who kept shouting rounds for everyone (she didn't have to though). Everyone was in control of what they spent, and two wedding party guests opted not to go which was fine.

[digitalfever]

I don't see a problem with being over the top if your friends can afford it. I think many brides put unacceptable expectations on their brides maids in terms of money and participation. Your day will never trump someone elses life... I just think people need to be realistic.

[nicole]

That is so obnoxious. I think the whole wedding culture has gotten out of control these days.

^^ THIS THIS THIS!

Neither my SO or I have had a bachelor/bachelorette party, and I've never heard of a "rehearsal dinner" or a "wedding shower" either till some of my American friends got married. Just how many parties does anyone need? Then once one thing becomes popular, everyone needs to top that and it just snow balls from there- that's where these "weekends" are coming from. I think it's crap people say "You must spend $$$ because it's my wedding" and make you feel like a bad friend because you can't/don't want to spend a load of money. It's not her actual wedding, it's a pointless party being thrown for the sake of "but everybody has one", so I wouldn't feel obligated to go really.

I see no point of bachelor parties anymore. I always thought it was one of those medieval concepts where the groom would go out and get wasted the night before and go whoring, so as it is, people don't do that anymore. My SO's work colleagues and friends have all been pressuring him to have one before our wedding in June, and he finds it really upsetting and stressful. He doesn't want one, so he shouldn't be forced to, just like friends should not be pressured into spending more then they can afford.

[lyonsgirl]

I don't see a problem with being over the top if your friends can afford it. I think many brides put unacceptable expectations on their brides maids in terms of money and participation. Your day will never trump someone elses life... I just think people need to be realistic.

That. So much that. When I asked my girls to be part of my big day, I told them all I want from them is to stand up there next to me on my big day. I'm not making them order some awful $300 dress they'll only wear once to make me happy, as long as it's grey & short, they can wear whatever dress they want. When I've told people that, they think I'm absolutely crazy because I want my girls to be happy and comfortable. My "bachelorette" party will most likely consist of me taking the two of them out for mani/pedis (&probably a little wine, ha!) the day before the wedding.

I'm lucky, I guess, that I haven't had the pressure of paying for a bridesmaid dress, as I haven't ever been asked to fill that role. Bachelor/bachelorette parties don't (and shouldn't, IMO) be crazy over-the-top blow-outs. As Zephii pointed out, you're already committed to that person... it's not like it's really your "last night of single-dom" as so many people call it.

[digitalfever]

^^ THIS THIS THIS!

Neither my SO or I have had a bachelor/bachelorette party, and I've never heard of a "rehearsal dinner" or a "wedding shower" either till some of my American friends got married. Just how many parties does anyone need? Then once one thing becomes popular, everyone needs to top that and it just snow balls from there- that's where these "weekends" are coming from. I think it's crap people say "You must spend $$$ because it's my wedding" and make you feel like a bad friend because you can't/don't want to spend a load of money. It's not her actual wedding, it's a pointless party being thrown for the sake of "but everybody has one", so I wouldn't feel obligated to go really.

I see no point of bachelor parties anymore. I always thought it was one of those medieval concepts where the groom would go out and get wasted the night before and go whoring, so as it is, people don't do that anymore. My SO's work colleagues and friends have all been pressuring him to have one before our wedding in June, and he finds it really upsetting and stressful. He doesn't want one, so he shouldn't be forced to, just like friends should not be pressured into spending more then they can afford.

I always thought bachlorette parties were simple affairs that may or may not include a limo. Y'know getting wasted and then shuffling home early in the morning.

[lucybelle]

That is so obnoxious. I think the whole wedding culture has gotten out of control these days.

Another one agreeing with mlle! My bachelorette party was one of my best friends, my sister and my cousin (then later my sister's ex boyfriend who came and drove us home) at a bar. I said I didn't want anything fancy, my sister ended up buying me a sash and a blinking crown from like the dollar store or something. We drank at the bar, danced a bit, a few random people bought me drinks. Done.

[Xanahtas]

I really cannot see the point of really expensive hen/stag do's. Me and my SO have decided to do a joint thing with a few friends and family that doesnt break the bank at the same time. You dont have to spend a lot of money to have fun. People love to completely over-do weddings these days.

[Kiyama]

I really cannot see the point of really expensive hen/stag do's. Me and my SO have decided to do a joint thing with a few friends and family that doesnt break the bank at the same time. You dont have to spend a lot of money to have fun. People love to completely over-do weddings these days.

Yes seriously I don't get it. I have received a few more emails from people all excited about the expensive idea. "Great" because that means that I'm out and some people who can afford it but have known my friend not even nearly half as long as I have will be going. It is a bit ironic really
It i have a hen do, it'll be a nice night out with close friends and some wine. That'll be it.

[Dziubka]

I don't really get the point of bachelor/ette parties at all. In my understand anything you aren't allowed to do after the wedding (cheating, going to strip clubs, whatever you decide on) you're not allowed to do before either.
Maybe I just don't have a sense of humour, but all those "Game over", prison- or "last night of freedom"-related jokes just aren't funny and ugh. If marriage is that bad, just don't get married? As simple as that.
I mean I understand celebrating with friends that you're about to get married. That's a pretty good reason to have a party (2nd to actually getting married )
But groups of drunk chicks wearing the same lame t-shirts and selling condoms and shots? NO!

[Trethsparr]

I don't really get the point of bachelor/ette parties at all. In my understand anything you aren't allowed to do after the wedding (cheating, going to strip clubs, whatever you decide on) you're not allowed to do before either.
Maybe I just don't have a sense of humour, but all those "Game over", prison- or "last night of freedom"-related jokes just aren't funny and ugh. If marriage is that bad, just don't get married? As simple as that.
I mean I understand celebrating with friends that you're about to get married. That's a pretty good reason to have a party (2nd to actually getting married )
But groups of drunk chicks wearing the same lame t-shirts and selling condoms and shots? NO!

Quoted for truth!