Wedding presents

[lucybelle]

Do you expect presents at your wedding? Did you sign up for a registry? What are your opinions on them?

We didn't do any of that because we had a really small thing. Everyone chipped in for expenses during the wedding which was awesome and all we needed.

I think wedding registries are awesome because then I don't have to guess what to get. But I just read in another forum I post on about a couple who is doing a wedding registry, and they already live together! I think that's such BS!! I get giving presents if it's a brand new couple, starting a life together, but this couple has been living together for years. I think it's so ugly to expect presents from people just because you decide to sign a paper. I mean this lady has all sorts of things listed like towels, kitchen appliances and even a vacuum! Buy your own vacuum goddamit!

I don't know. I don't like the idea of *having* to give presents when a couple already lives together. It makes sense if they both live with their parents and don't own anything. But these people already have a life together! In a place they own. If you want nicer towels, buy them yourself.

Am I missing something here?

[Zephii]

We didn't have a registry or a wishing well or any of that, I think it's wrong to ask for gifts!

With that said I do think it's rude for people to give nothing at all. Partly I guess because it's the "done thing" and partly because society puts a huge amount on couples to have a wedding when many would be happy to get married without the fuss and expense. They expect this party, a fancy meal and the right to be honoured for their part in the couple's lives, the least they can do is bring some nice sheets. Or at least a card saying "Thanks for inviting us, we wish you good things for your marriage blah blah." It doesn't even need to cost anything but time, but it's not good to go empty handed.

For us, we really appreciate the gifts we received and we did need housewares despite having lived together already. Just because you live together doesn't mean you have everything, we were surviving on the bear minimum. I dunno, gifts say "I love you, I want the best for you, I want your life to be easier" and stuff like that.. but I don't think you should HAVE to give one if your heart isn't in it.

[lyonsgirl]

We have a registry. We have registered for things that we think we will need to start our lives together. Like towels, and a vacuum, and new pots & pans & dishes & a coffee pot, for example. Yes - I live "on my own" and "already have" all of these things. But we have registered for "grown up" versions of them, lol. I'm still using all of my college things. Which, while they work fine, my pots & pans are pink, my coffee pot smells a little funky, and my towels are now a weird color because I think I spilled bleach on them. That being said - we have registered for a range of items (cost wise). I think the most expensive thing on our registry is a down comforter. Not that we expect to get it - but we're also treating it like a shopping list, so that way if we do get any gift cards, we can apply those towards a purchase like the comforter.

A friend of mine, on the other hand, owns a house. They don't live together yet - but will move in to his house after they are married. They are registering for freaking expensive china because they're just going to use the plates he already has for daily use. (It's like, $150/place setting or something absurd for this china. And they want TWELVE.) They're also registered for two $260 CANDLESTICKS. Yes. That's right. Candlesticks that cost more than a TV or computer.

So I think registries are awesome things - as long as you're registering for crap you will actually use on a regular basis. As for people who are currently living together(and have been for quite some time), I would side-eye their registry too. On the other hand, if I were invited to their wedding I would most likely bring a gift card for a small amount (under $50) to like, Target or Macy's or another similar store.

[Jazi]

I kind of agree with everyone here . This is a subject that really got me stuck when planning the wedding - we actually DO NOT want any gifts, we will be living at my parents house until we can get ourselves together to find a place but in the meantime we will be stuck in a room not designed to store a large amount of 'house' items.. to be honest under my bed is completely stuffed with boxes of kitchen/house supplies from my grandparents house (they passed away a year ago).


For my birthday/Christmas and even getting engaged for the last year I've been receiving random pointless 'moving out' things... like platters and sugar bowls.. I know people are trying to be helpful but it just ends up being another thing I have to store, something that I don't really like and it takes the joy out of being able to pick out that stuff ourselves when we do move out and get to stock our house with lovely things .

So anyway.. back to the wedding - as part of the invitations we are just going to put a little bit of paper in saying that if people really feel that they want to give us a gift that we would appreciate contributions towards our 'house fund' (or something along those lines)... Because we would rather people just give us a nice card or even $10 for us to put away in savings than to have more things to store/not being able to have the joy of picking out nice things for our house ourselves. I think at this point I'd end up returning things if we were given more 'house stuff' unless we REALLY liked it..

We have a full kitchen of stuff from my grandparents, a great tv, dining table and chairs.. if people keep giving us stuff we won't have anything left to go buy ourselves! except for big whitegoods... which aren't that much fun and I've been dreaming of the day where my SO and I go to Ikea and pick out things for our home together

[mllebamako]

Totally agree. We didn't have a registry because we basically eloped. My parents bought us a gift, which was really nice and some of my parents friends sent money afterwards. But I didn't expect anything from anyone really.

I think registries are great if the couple is starting a new life together OR if they are still in the midst of building their life together. Like, if they'd lived together for several years but are still using plastic plates they stole from their university cafeteria or a couch they found in the back alleyway, I think it's totally fine for them to put together a registry of things they really need.

I do get annoyed when I look at friends' registries and they are asking for things that you know they aren't going to use or will use once and then it'll end up in storage.

[TwoThree]

There's no such things as registry here. People bring stuff like tea and coffee sets. You get lots of coffee sets when you have a wedding, in my country. For my sister's wedding, my mother gave her a couple of the prettiest ones, kept a couple for herself, and then gave away the rest as wedding presents It's totally normal to ask close relatives and friends exactly for what you want, though. They care about you so they want to give you something useful. Like my mother said my sister needed a blender and several cousins chipped in and got her a nice one. Stuff like that.

We didn't have a proper wedding (just a quick civil ceremony) but if I were to have a wedding here, I'd ask for cash, since I'm not going to live here. It's also pretty acceptable to tell people you want cash. I would still get 6 coffee sets, though.

[mllebamako]

There's no such things as registry here. People bring stuff like tea and coffee sets.

Here in Mali, it's fabric. When we did our first wedding (the religious one), I got like 30 pagnes which are bolts of fabric used to make clothing. I gave some to my mom, got about 6 outfits made, and then gave the rest away as wedding gifts to other people! For baby showers, people end up getting loads and loads of bar soap. I wonder if I can request certain kinds

[digitalfever]

I think they should make their registery open to everyone. They should have items that are priced in various ranges to accommodate everyone.

I think a lot of the time couples aim their gifts at the "rich" older family members and forget that while us younger guys aren't there yet, we still want to give them something that they'll love.

If they already live together I'd simply throw cash their way and call it a day. I was on wedding bee and someone wanted to opt for an adoption fund donation rather than gifts and I would be so thrilled to contribute to a cause like that.

[leonsfangirl]

I dont like the registry thing, seems quite cheeky to me and not something i would ever consider. My sister had a registry and asked for a ton of expensive stuff. She wanted a towel bale that cost £100 so i bought one that cost £20. I'd use a registry in that sense to see what they needed and buy similer if its really expensive.
When i got married i didnt expect any gifts as we're still long distance for a while so it would be hard to bring them back home. Family gave us money and bought the children some toys/candy and Canada stuff. Which was really appreciated as it meant we could have some fun together without money being an issue.
I'd have to take a gift to a wedding, i'd feel terrible if i went empty handed.

[Dziubka]

If you're having a wedding party, I think it's a good idea to have a registry or a person who manages your wish list. Usually if you invite people they want to give you presents. Bringing a present is also the decent thing to do, if you get invited somewhere, especially something as big and special as a wedding. Because people who care want to give you something that a) you need/want and b) not the same as half of the other wedding guests, it makes sense to have a registry or list of things you'd be happy to get.
I guess I fail to see what living together prior to the wedding has to do with it. If you already live together and don't need any household items, put books, spa gift cards, computer games, wine or whatever on there.

Obviously putting only ridiculously expensive items on it is stupid. Asking for expensive presents from people who can't afford it is rude, but I don't see anything wrong with a registry that has a range of items from like 10$book to a 1000$ TV, so people can chose and give you something you'll actually enjoy.

I sort of understand asking for expensive things and I'd check in with the couple and try to find out whether a cheaper version of whatever expensive item they put on their registry is ok, too. If not, I'd either give money, a giftcard or something else I could afford. If I ask for say a 300€ duvet, chances are I already have a cheaper one and 'd like to upgrade and would have no real use for a 100€ one.

[TwoThree]

Here in Mali, it's fabric. When we did our first wedding (the religious one), I got like 30 pagnes which are bolts of fabric used to make clothing. I gave some to my mom, got about 6 outfits made, and then gave the rest away as wedding gifts to other people! For baby showers, people end up getting loads and loads of bar soap. I wonder if I can request certain kinds

Well, at least your baby will never dirty with all the soap Here people bring baby clothes, towels, blankets, toys, those kind of things. But we do have our fair share of strange traditions, like for funerals people bring eggs and sugar.

[lucybelle]

I still think that even if couples don't yet have "adult" things it's lame to ask for presents. I mean I still use a spare chair as my night stand because we don't feel like paying $200 for a night stand. Almost all our cups are the plastic cups my mom and her husband gave out for their wedding. Our plates are borrowed from my SO's mom. Our coffee maker is so old that the pot broke and my SO just got a random metal thing and shoved a handle on it. My SO and I both have full time jobs, if we want something nice for our apartment, we'll pay for it ourselves.

When my friend got married both her and her husband were moving out of their parent's house. Both barely had jobs. I had no problem pitching in to help them. Or, if a couple has some "fund" then I'll hands down donate. I don't like having to buy towels for a couple who already has towels and just wants "nicer" ones.

[lyonsgirl]

Here in Mali, it's fabric. When we did our first wedding (the religious one), I got like 30 pagnes which are bolts of fabric used to make clothing. I gave some to my mom, got about 6 outfits made, and then gave the rest away as wedding gifts to other people! For baby showers, people end up getting loads and loads of bar soap. I wonder if I can request certain kinds

Like this?

[kiara_silver]

Me and my SO arn't asking for things, but my grandma has mentioned to me she's been talking to family. Once in the car, she said she was talking to a friend, and how she was talking to a friend saying no gifts just money for us, since were in a LDR and we'll be traveling, that everyone should give money. Me and my SO arn't going to ask anyone for anything, this is on them, if anyone wants to. No registry or wishes from us. And then the other day I was talking to my grandma about how me and my SO still have to plan our wedding, and she goes we'll i helped out already im done. Then adds im kidding I already saved up $$$ which is a lot to me already! She doesn't need to help anymore then that. She wants to pay for my bridesmaids dresses and the boys suits. She was even talking about getting a designer so we can design them lol Im like wow!
And then my sister has called up about a bridal shower, asking what me and my SO wanting. I just tell her, that's all on her. She started googling.

So for us it's all on them, weather they want to or not, but we arn't asking for anything. No wedding registry for us. ( haha I believe. I should ask and make sure with my SO)

[mllebamako]

Like this?

Kind of...here are two pictures that my dad took of some of the fabric that I was given.