How to bring up engagement?

[miss_jaclynrae]

So this may have been broached before, but I am curious if I for starters, should, and how to bring up engagement?

As for us getting married? I have no doubt that will happen, and I honestly don't have some strict timeline as for when, other than when we can afford the wedding we want and before we have kids or make any big purchases together.
That being said, the proposal part, even that I am not too rushed to make happen, as I don't believe in doing it unless BOTH of us are sure.

That being said, with me visiting Paris with him, my girly brain has thought about how amazing it would be if he proposed while over there.
We already have as couples shoot planned while there, and my brain won't shut up about how awesome it would be if he popped the question and it became an engagement shoot!

Anyways, with that being said, we have thoroughly discussed marriage, as well as buying a house when he comes home. As I said, I am in no rush to get married [as I have already done it once, and want the second time to be done right, meaning an actual wedding and engagement time] but the talk of engagement seems to be something we rarely talk about. :giggle: Marriage and where we want to get married? Where we want to move after he graduates? Kids? Yeah, all of that is fair game! I am more than certain the reason for him not bringing it up is because when we DID talk about engagement, I told him the story of my ex, and told him how I wish it could have been like. I want a ring, I want it to be purely out of the need to spend ones life with me, rather than it just being the "next step", and I will not get married without a wedding.

A part of me thinks a proposal COULD come over winter break, but then the logical part of me thinks about how he is a full time student and couldn't afford a ring... The the other part of me thinks about how he would always show me the ring that belonged to his grandmother. :blushing:

It wouldn't be the end of the world if he didn't, but a part of me wishes there was a way to broach the idea to ease my own crazy mind, while the other part of me thinks "Hey! It will happen when he wants to make it happen! Don't ruin the surprise!" He already knows how I feel about him... and I already know how he feels about me.

Any advice or if anyone has experienced anything similar would be great!

[lucybelle]

Once we decided to get married I told my SO he needed to propose. I told him no food (ring in champagne glass etc) and I wanted my ring to be a surprise. He also had to do it before we got married (we did things a little backwards, he proposed about a week before our wedding). The rest was up to him.

If you have "requirements" you should tell him! He's not a mind reader.

[snow]

Once we decided to get married I told my SO he needed to propose. I told him no food (ring in champagne glass etc) and I wanted my ring to be a surprise. He also had to do it before we got married (we did things a little backwards, he proposed about a week before our wedding). The rest was up to him.

If you have "requirements" you should tell him! He's not a mind reader.

Oh yes, I told my man he can't put it in food, or I would just swallow it...
When we talked about marriage and a future life together I told him that I wanted a proposal and a ring and then he told me that he will no longer talk to me about the engagement or how he wants to propose, because he wants it to be a suprise and if he tells me how and when it'd spoil the moment.

So who knows, maybe him not talking about it could be a sign that he is already planning it

[miss_jaclynrae]

Once we decided to get married I told my SO he needed to propose. I told him no food (ring in champagne glass etc) and I wanted my ring to be a surprise. He also had to do it before we got married (we did things a little backwards, he proposed about a week before our wedding). The rest was up to him.

If you have "requirements" you should tell him! He's not a mind reader.

I know he isn't! The thing is, he knows me so well, I am not worried about HOW he does it. He already knows what I would hate, I guess it is just figuring out a when? I want it to be a surprise, but I wish I knew if it will be within a few months or a few years! lol

I am totally being dumb though, because he already talks about us being married when he graduates, which is only about 2 years or so from now...

Oh yes, I told my man he can't put it in food, or I would just swallow it...
When we talked about marriage and a future life together I told him that I wanted a proposal and a ring and then he told me that he will no longer talk to me about the engagement or how he wants to propose, because he wants it to be a suprise and if he tells me how and when it'd spoil the moment.

So who knows, maybe him not talking about it could be a sign that he is already planning it

He never said that, about not talking about it, we always talk, so naturally we have discussed many things, heck we already know what we want our wedding to be like! Maybe you are right? I guess I will just wait, I kind of like the idea of not knowing at all.
I guess the problem is I don't want to get my hopes up.

[lyonsgirl]

I told my SO that when he proposed he had 3 rules he had to follow: 1) he had to ask my dad first. I amended it to "over the phone" since Dad works in Canada, and we're stateside. 2) he had to have a "real" engagement ring 3) he had to get down on one knee and actually say "Will you marry me?" not "make me the happiest man" or whatever nonsense. I wanted him to say the words.

As for the ring, we looked at some things. I did more "shopping" on my own though, to get an idea of what I wanted. In the end my only "requirements" for the ring were: 1) center diamond has to be round, and big enough to see without a microscope. 2) not yellow gold 3) not so expensive he goes into debt over it. oh, and, of course, 4) SPARKLES.

I know you're excited, and, by all means, be excited!!!! Talk to us about it, rant here on how you have suspicions about when/how he'll propose, but, don't, I repeat don't, bug him about it. The Saturday before my SO proposed, we were walking around a mall and I kept stopping and window shopping rings. He literally picked me up and carried me away from the windows (I should have known something was up then.... ). But, like you said, you don't want to get your hopes up and be disappointed. It is fun to think about, though, but it's even more fun to tell the story of how he actually did it.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I told my SO that when he proposed he had 3 rules he had to follow: 1) he had to ask my dad first. I amended it to "over the phone" since Dad works in Canada, and we're stateside. 2) he had to have a "real" engagement ring 3) he had to get down on one knee and actually say "Will you marry me?" not "make me the happiest man" or whatever nonsense. I wanted him to say the words.

As for the ring, we looked at some things. I did more "shopping" on my own though, to get an idea of what I wanted. In the end my only "requirements" for the ring were: 1) center diamond has to be round, and big enough to see without a microscope. 2) not yellow gold 3) not so expensive he goes into debt over it. oh, and, of course, 4) SPARKLES.

I know you're excited, and, by all means, be excited!!!! Talk to us about it, rant here on how you have suspicions about when/how he'll propose, but, don't, I repeat don't, bug him about it. The Saturday before my SO proposed, we were walking around a mall and I kept stopping and window shopping rings. He literally picked me up and carried me away from the windows (I should have known something was up then.... ). But, like you said, you don't want to get your hopes up and be disappointed. It is fun to think about, though, but it's even more fun to tell the story of how he actually did it.

Haha! See! We have talked about all of the "wants". He knows that I want a decent ring [some may freak on me for saying it, but my exh spent a whopping 400 on a ring... and it was something that always bugged me], he knows I want it to be creative and endearing, a moment of professing true love. We openly talk like crazy people, course, being inseparable for months made it so everything was talked about, and even with this LDR we spend hours on the phone talking about everything and nothing.
It is something I love about our relationship, nothing is out of bounds, and he has never made me feel like I am "more into it" than he is, as he is just as open about everything as I am. I never had to worry about him thinking I was getting too serious by talking about marriage or kids, because he talked about them just as much!

I have never ever brought up WHEN he would propose though, never, mostly because with his timelines on seeing us married, it is bound to be within a time frame I want it to be in.
I just WISH so badly there was a way to gauge if a proposal could be possible this chrismas/new years when I visit!


I am just so baffled how we talk about getting married here, and having these people as guests, and how when bringing up me possibly studying abroad for my junior year he had no problem exclaiming how we would be married by then so he could go with [I am finishing up my first year] and yet we have never really talked about when a proposal would happen!

I guess that is normal though, because now that I think about it, with my exh, we talked about marriage a lot and not about when we would get engaged.

[lucybelle]

Everyone is different, but maybe you should start planning something more concrete instead of just fantasizing. We basically decided together over a few months when we should get married. Then he just had to propose before then. For us, that was the best way to do it. I might have fainted if my SO proposed out of the blue. But that's what a lot if people want. If you need something more realistic, then put it all on the table "I want to be married by this date so you need to propose by this date"

[miss_jaclynrae]

Everyone is different, but maybe you should start planning something more concrete instead of just fantasizing. We basically decided together over a few months when we should get married. Then he just had to propose before then. For us, that was the best way to do it. I might have fainted if my SO proposed out of the blue. But that's what a lot if people want. If you need something more realistic, then put it all on the table "I want to be married by this date so you need to propose by this date"

As good of an idea as that sounds, I feel like that would suck the romance out of it for me!

[Lovebee]

We've talked enough about marriage that my SO knows he needs to get a ring. He's tried a few less orthodox methods, too!

One time he handed me the bottle cap from a soda bottle which said "Marry me?" on the inside. My response was "If that's how you're going to ask, the answer is no."

Another time he suggested we have a shotgun wedding at Christmas when he visits. I asked him if he was proposing, and he said "Uh... kinda!"

I'm not expecting romance or a fancy ring (I'd prefer a less fancy one, as I don't want him wasting money on something obscene), but I am expecting him to do it properly eventually!

[miss_jaclynrae]

So as of late, we literally do not discuss timelines AT ALL.
We talk about everything EXCEPT when, and it is driving me insane.


We chatted for a good 6 hours today [definitely a record for us] and I am having a bit of family issues so we were discussing them. He told me that if push came to shove, I should know that I will always have him, and that I don't need my family. I warned him that I was told that last time I got married too, and in the end I had no one. He laughed and told me that he meant it though, he wasn't going anywhere, and professed his undying love for me. [he does that often though ]

Then he brought up how his mom thought I didn't like her. Long story, but pretty much she loves me but is worried that I don't like his family... completely ridiculous as I adore them, but when I was staying with them before DB left, I was pretty depressed and sort of kept to myself. DB ended up clearing the air, and asked his mom why she was so worried. She then brought up a story where one of her nephews married a woman who seemed completely normal, until after they got married she told him she wanted nothing to do with his family. He told word for word "She is just worried that when we get married, something like that could happen."



Oy vey. The way we talk, I can't figure out if he sees us married in one year or 5!
It doesn't really matter as much to me right now, but with all this talk of seriousness, like us buying a house when he gets home, I can not figure out what is going on in his head marriage wise!!!


I just had to vent, I get so excited at the idea of him wanting to marry me, but I also refuse to say yes unless it is for all the right reasons, not because it is the next step, or because it is convenient, but because he wants to spend his life with me.

[differentcountries]

I think if would freak out if someone went down on one knee! But it is nice to be asked, without it being The Question. Rather, it will rather come out as some sort of Big Word nagging I guess... Because the 1000th time is a good time to give in Both my guys are very down to earth yet romantic. So that is how my husband proposed (and finally got yes), we married the following year. And my boyfriend already almost gave me a heart attach (of joy) by suggesting that we should be together until we are old, he is very sweet. I guess I am looking forward to him nagging some more