Elopement, Yay or Nay?

[ioanna]

My SO and I have recently come to the agreement that we'd like to be married in the utmost intimacy that is just us two. It has been a long road that has led us to this decision and surprisingly since we've taken it I've been feeling so much at peace with it, more and more with each day!

A small part of me feels guilty to deprive our families of the joy of sharing this moment with us. At the same time, the differences in our families and the disparity (especially in numbers) would be so large that every time we envisaged a wedding in the traditional sense both of us would feel upset and constrained.
I understand marriage is the union of both families into one. That is really important to us. So there will be a festive celebration of our union once we will be back home, held on our terms in neutral grounds; without the added stress of a wedding...

Before getting engaged, he charmed me with the image of vows exchanged under a magnificent oak tree in Ireland, simple, in touch with nature and the elements; ever since we keep coming back to this

So what's your take on elopements? Would you consider it? Is it frowned upon in your culture?

For those of you who don't know me and my background, a tiny back story: became a couple in 2005, got engaged in 2007, plans changed and started long distance in 2009, distance closed in march 2013, projected marriage and return home together end 2014.

[lucybelle]

Yay to elopements!

I think however you want to marry, you should do it. The bottom line is it is YOUR decision and no one else's, not even guilt-tripping family should be allowed to make you change your mind. If you want a $40,000 wedding, or an intimate under a tree in Ireland wedding, it's your decision and it will be magical.

[blankita719]

I'm all for an elopement myself. I planned a big wedding that didn't happen and the stress of it all just got to me. Not to mention family members who wanted me to do things that they wanted so it felt less about me, and more about them. Honestly, my dream now is to get married on the beach with my SO and our sons and no one else.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Oh that is exciting!
It is funny you brought it up, because for some time now I have been doing more research on elopements and destination weddings.

I got married when I was 18, it was at a courthouse, no family, and I always regretted it.
Then again, looking back, I now know it was probably because it wasn't with the right person.
Since that, I have always told myself that with my final marriage [fingers crossed on that one!] it will be done the "right" way.
In other words, I wanted the dress, the family, the cake, all of it.

Since DB though and him leaving, I am falling more and more in love with the idea of a destination wedding. The difference between that and the elopement primarily would be the fact that we plan on inviting close family and friends to join us, but they in no way have to if they don't want to spend the money.

My aunt eloped, and she was so happy she did, that being said... my mom was not happy. :lol
Now it is not a problem, but I do know that I want my family to be there... I just no longer thing what they want is as important as what I want.

DB wants to get married at Niagara Falls, I am not 100% sold as I want to visit the place we get married at BEFORE we do, but the idea of destination wedding was placed in my head then.
We don't have a huge family to begin with, and we would definitely give ample to time to save if they wanted to be there.


What is important to me, that I am so excited for, is being able to profess my undying love and promising ourselves to one another. I want it to be about our love rather than anything else. The love I have for him is so overwhelming, I feel some weddings are so huge that the true meaning of being there ends up getting lost in the crowd. [not for all, just what I have seen in some instances] I hope my family no matter what we do supports us, but I definitely know I want to give them the chance to celebrate with us if they want.


Congrats! I say do whatever you want! Besides, so much money is saved on an elopement to go to many other wonderful things.

[lyonsgirl]

Once we got engaged, I actually pushed to elope. I just wanted to be married to him. I mean sure, now that we're 19 days away from the party I'm excited about it, but... We could have been married roughly 10 months ago had we eloped.

ETA: therefore, I am all for weddings. Ours is mostly his family because of recent family issues that have come up on my side, but we're not having a seating chart at the reception or the traditional "brides side" and "grooms side" at the ceremony. I say, if you both want to elope, elope. You can always have a party at home with your friends and family.

[Brieasaurus]

My parents were suppose to have a big wedding but my mom got sick of my dad's side of the family trying to micromanage everything and they decided to just elope. She says she wouldn't have had it any other way. Personally, I'm torn between the two. Some days I want to it to be just the two of us but I feel like I would regret not having big wedding. I guess we'll see when it comes.

[Moon]

Should I ever lose my mind and decide to marry again, I would really, really prefer to elope. I'm all for a trip to Las Vegas; no fuss, no muss, then lots of fantastic things to do to celebrate. Yep, my family wouldn't like it, but they'll get over it.

[dizzyupthemeg]

Should I ever lose my mind and decide to marry again, I would really, really prefer to elope. I'm all for a trip to Las Vegas; no fuss, no muss, then lots of fantastic things to do to celebrate. Yep, my family wouldn't like it, but they'll get over it.

I agree with this 100%. I'm all for eloping. I love the idea of it just being my SO and I.

I've done the big wedding before, and honestly the most memorable part was the giant party afterwards. If there is a next time, I going to skip the big wedding part and just have a celebration with family and friends at some point later.

[TwoThree]

I'm all for it. If you feel this is what you want to do, then do it. I'm certain your families will get over the disappointment. And your own family recently had a big wedding for your sister, so it's not like you're depriving them of something they'll never experience

Elopements are a huge no-no where I come from and when they happen, they aren't even considered as real anyway.

I understand marriage is the union of both families into one.

Hmm. I don't. I used to believe that, from being force-fed this notion all my life (sometimes in rather extreme ways, like saying that picking the "right" family was slightly more important than picking the right man), but now I think it really isn't. Marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Sure the two families become linked, but... I don't know, it's none of their business.

[nicole]

In the end, just do what makes you happy! You can elope and if the families want to throw some sort of celebration afterwards, it won't take anything away from your wedding- you'll have done it the way you wanted to do it, which is what matters the most.

[Rach321]

What about a couple of non-familial witnesses??? Jay brought up the idea when I told him of your plan...

Anyway, you know my opinion, I think it makes total sense in your situation, and it's a really sweet idea!

[Hollandia]

I have been married before. It was a fairly big traditional wedding. I don't regret the marriage, I loved him when I did it but I would not have a problem eloping then or now. My wedding caused internal family and friends fighting over stupid stuff and all that money for ONE day is something I do regret. My SO has never been married so if he has big dreams then I would do whatever he wanted and we were able to do but a nice very small wedding or elopement would be my preference.

[Hollandia]

What about a couple of non-familial witnesses??? Jay brought up the idea when I told him of your plan...

Anyway, you know my opinion, I think it makes total sense in your situation, and it's a really sweet idea!

Don't you need two witnesess to make it legal? I don't know about other countries but two had to sign my marriage license. I think most places that offer elopement and destination weddings come with people willing to play that role for you. It might however; be interesting to grab two strangers and ask them to share your moment.

[Alsfia]

My youngest uncle on my mum's side decided to get married in secret and announce it in the papers on April fools day... Not even my grandparents knew

[TwoThree]

^ How many people still don't believe it's true?