Saying NO after his question, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

[chubbyq]

last month, me and my boyfriend are together.. we spend a couple of days together before he went back to america, we spent the whole day as if there's no tomorrow after that.. i live a life with the perspective of "because of the present i will make the future" im not so worried my future because i live it day by day.. and then one time, my SO brought to a very special place, along the beach side.. he knelt down and get something in his pocket (a box with an engagement RING).. ofcourse im shocked because i didn't expect that he will propose to me that same day.. all the memories we had keep on flashing back and that was the first time i felt afraid for my future.. he waited for my answer and finally i said; "NO, im still not ready to take responsibilities being a wife and a mother can we just talked about that again for some time and we just have to think about/enjoy what we still have in the present? he accepted my decision and still we are together but there's a lot of changes after that scenario..

What can you say? did i make any mistake? now that we are so far to each other?

[Zapookie]

I think you guys need to talk about it. Marriage is a big step, and you should talk to him about the reasons why you don't feel ready. I can imagine he must have felt quite disappointed so his feelings may be hurt, so I would try and be gentle but thorough in your talk.

[Zephii]

Good on you for being honest when it couldn't have been easy. It's understandable that things are different though, that it might take a while for him to recover. It's a huge thing, him putting his heart on his sleeve and saying he's ready, only to be rejected. Give it time, keep the communication open.

[chubbyq]

thanks for the advice guys.. i'm trying to make it up to him about that but it's kinda hard for me to adjust about the changes coz after that proposal thing, the way he treat me is not that intimate as compared before..

[80anthea]

Good for you for being honest, now he needs to respect your decision and give you the time you need.

[Kristin91]

thanks for the advice guys.. i'm trying to make it up to him about that but it's kinda hard for me to adjust about the changes coz after that proposal thing, the way he treat me is not that intimate as compared before..

It sounds like he's trying to recover from your rejection of his proposal, which of course was perfectly in your right to say no. I'd just keep being honest and letting him know that you want to be with him and that you love him. He'll come around

[differentcountries]

I think your answer was fairly kind, honest and clear. Obviously he had something different in mind. Perhaps it would be time for you to talk a little bit about how your see your future for yourself, your partner and togeter. I noticed that you said that you were not ready to become a mother, even though I don't see him asking you to give him a child. Coup he be upset by that? It is not just women who harbour baby fantasies... also, what might it take for you to envision moving in with him? marrying him? What is it that you need (apart from time and freedom) that you are hoping he will give to you? what things does he picture marriage to give him, that he longs for from you? Usually when someone proposes, it is because they have slided a lot into marriage-fantasies together... maybe you have to, if you like to live in the moment? (a lot of things seems all right in the moment). Anyway, if you love him and he loves you, there might be a way for you to be together and heal from this... good luck

[LDLovebird]

I think it is good that you said what you honestly felt. I wish you both good luck. Talk about it some more and he will recover I am sure, if he really undestands that you didnt reject him for good, but want to feel ready first. Better than saying yes without feeling it and then getting divorced a year later.