Marrying to stay together?

[melarie]

Shane and I just talked about it and we both like the idea of it. I mean, I'd be leaving my home, my family for him, that's a way bigger commitment than marriage in my opinion.

[Riyko]

I'd never get married to someone for visa reasons, but to each their own. If you really love the person then I say marry them (with our without other restrictions involved such as visas)

[MissButterfly]

Hey! Thanks for making this thread, as it's exactly what I'm researching right now! (see this thread) So I'm curious to see the responses. Do you guys think that people in LDR's generally have a more okay view on marrying to get benefits such as a visa than other couples?

[Tooki]

Hey! Thanks for making this thread, as it's exactly what I'm researching right now! (see this thread) So I'm curious to see the responses. Do you guys think that people in LDR's generally have a more okay view on marrying to get benefits such as a visa than other couples?

I would say that those who have experienced a situation in a CDR where one needs to marry to get benefits would feel the same way as those in an LDR, it just happens that LDR's often necessitate it more than other situations.

[aniay]

Hey! Thanks for making this thread, as it's exactly what I'm researching right now! (see this thread) So I'm curious to see the responses. Do you guys think that people in LDR's generally have a more okay view on marrying to get benefits such as a visa than other couples?

Maybe because I've been married in CDR to get benefits and then to get my parent's help with my kid, I am now strictly against marrying out of any other reason that simply want/need to be together for the rest of our lives, no buts, no ifs.

I am in a happy position where I don't need visa to move to my SO but if I did I would not agree to marriage unless we were both sure we want to spend our lives together.

At the other hand in my head marriage is something nice, but not necessary to be together.

My last mariage meant nothing because there was no both-side effort and commitment so who is to say that simple vow to be together is less important than marriage of any kind when both sides are commited and willing to work through everything to be together.

[differentcountries]

To add to my PP: I ask this because I've known a few people that have gotten married because they felt it was "required", and were pressured into it. (They're not married anymore.) She pushed him into marriage, he realized the mistake it was. They married because they thought their parents would "have" to think of them as adults since they got married.

Yes it is always a danger that people are pushed into things. Sometimes it can be difficult to say why one wants things. My ex was alwasy so keen on getting married, but turned out not so keen on being married to me. I am not "society" but someone else might think I am. Marriage can be scary because even despite the fact that you can get devorced, it comes out as "forever". You don't have to get married to be an adult, in fact letting oneself be blackamiled into doing something is very childish. Though some people sort of blackmail themselves, scaring themselves with the alternative. I am all for marriage, when people are actually ready. On the other hand, some people might jump into it and it could work out all right, too.

[differentcountries]

Do you guys think that people in LDR's generally have a more okay view on marrying to get benefits such as a visa than other couples?

I might be mistaken, but who else BUT LDR's would consider getting married to get visa? If you live in the same country you will not need it. I know quite a few relationships where people got married and then relocated to the other person's country. Some of those relationships lasted, others did not. It seemed that education was a big problem. The reason they needed to get married in the first place to get visa, was because they were not able to reloate on their own based on education/work. So those relationships often had a gap in education. Trying to get an education in the new country could prove difficult, because if you are not used to study to begin with it is not easy to do so in a language that is not your mother tounge. Or if there was no education or not so good language skills it is easy for the relocated spouse to go on unemplyed and not be able to create a life of his/her own. The happily ever after marriages tend to be where the relocated ones are quick to find work or/and create their own social life.

[Tooki]

I might be mistaken, but who else BUT LDR's would consider getting married to get visa? If you live in the same country you will not need it. I know quite a few relationships where people got married and then relocated to the other person's country. Some of those relationships lasted, others did not. It seemed that education was a big problem. The reason they needed to get married in the first place to get visa, was because they were not able to reloate on their own based on education/work. So those relationships often had a gap in education. Trying to get an education in the new country could prove difficult, because if you are not used to study to begin with it is not easy to do so in a language that is not your mother tounge. Or if there was no education or not so good language skills it is easy for the relocated spouse to go on unemplyed and not be able to create a life of his/her own. The happily ever after marriages tend to be where the relocated ones are quick to find work or/and create their own social life.

Couples where one of the partners is in a country on a temporary, fixed term visa? I also know university couples where one partner is an international student. Also, getting a work visa can be nigh difficult, especially in an EU member state. I've looked into it and the only way for me to move to Europe with my SO is if we marry, due to the difficulties in obtaining a work visa.

You can also receive more benefits if you're receiving welfare payments or you're in the military/public sector.

[differentcountries]

Couples where one of the partners is in a country on a temporary, fixed term visa? I also know university couples where one partner is an international student.

True! You are very right. Still I wonder if not those relationships often will become LDR? At least in my country you would have a hard time getting married while on a student/temporary visa, instead you would have to leave the country (for at least 90 days) and come back and so forth.

[I&A]

Definitely I would consider marriage to close the distance, as if I'd consider marriage with a not-long distance relationship just because I'm in love. If your love is true, I say "go for it!"

[snow]

My man and I have talked about the possibilities that I had to move to his country - work visa or a marriage based visa. So I was trying hard to get my bachelor degree so I can try and find a job easier, but we both knew that it would end up being the Fiancée Visa. Yet we both wanted it to come naturally and not treat it like a plan.

[Zephii]

I think if you wouldn't marry under normal circumstances then no, don't get married. If it's not something you are ready for or want, find another way.

[schwee44]

To clear up my original post, I did mean marrying to stay together for reasons such as visas. I included anyone not international because I nearly married my ex-fiance because he was in the military and it would have been the easiest way for us to move around. However, with him, my heart said no, but with my fiance now, I'm a little hesitant because of my last almost-marriage, but this time I know my heart would be in it too.

[kittyo9]

True! You are very right. Still I wonder if not those relationships often will become LDR? At least in my country you would have a hard time getting married while on a student/temporary visa, instead you would have to leave the country (for at least 90 days) and come back and so forth.

That's curious! In the US you can get married whenever you want and on whatever visa, but afterwards, if you want to apply for adjustment of status, you have to stay in the country until your case is decided. Otherwise, you can go back to your home country and apply for a spousal visa. You do, however, have to prove that you did not come over on that other visa with the intention of getting married.

[lucybelle]

Just to expand on my post for MB's research purposes.

My SO got married for visa purposes. Do I think we would have gotten married eventually? Of course. Am I happy we got married- yes! Do we love each other- yes! But marriage is not spiritual for us. In fact my SO likes to talk about how unorthodox and non-spiritual our wedding actually was. I eventually wanted to get married, but we probably would have waited longer if visas weren't an issue. If there had been a partner visa of some sort, I'm 100% sure we would have gone for that instead of getting married.

I've noticed on visa journey that couples get married quite quickly. I mean, in my opinion. They usually meet online, meet in real life, and get married all in 1-2 years. That seems hella quick to me. Although there's no way to know any different, I'm really sure that had visas not been an issue the couples wouldn't have been married so quickly.