Research - observing this section

[MissButterfly]

Hey everyone!

I guess most of you know me, but I just wanted to make this thread anyway. I'm a university student, and for my course 'Ethnography' I've decided to write about perceptions of marriage in an online long-distance relationship community, mostly because of a message I got from Lucybelle who suggested that it might be very different from 'traditional' views of marriage, in terms of it being necessary for closing the distance and getting a visa. So I'm doing a 'netnography' of LFAD

I'm going to observe LFAD and specifically this subforum for the next 5 weeks, and write about perceptions of marriage. I will not mention any usernames. It is not going to be published anywhere, and only my teachers and interested LFAD members will get to read the final paper. So there's nothing to be worried about, I just wanted to 'make my presence as researcher' known, because I thought it'd be nice!

If you wish to not have anything you say included in my observations, please say so. If you have any questions please ask me! I also saw that someone just created a topic on the exact thing I'm writing about, so you can share all your thoughts there and it would really help me Of course you can also write about your thoughts here!

[Benandme]

Great topic for a paper! My LDR has recently started and has been progressing very well, I must say! We both love each other and we see each other about every 6 weeks or so. Right now, we both are enjoying riding this wave of getting to know one another and falling more and more in love with one another. We have brought up marriage but only saying that it's on the table and we will take it one day at a time. We both realize it's too early to be making a big decision like marriage. But if one of us was to make a commitment to move to the others city - I think marriage would have to come off the table and into our relationship.

I may not be the best person to reply to this post because our relationship is new - but I thought I'd throw my two cents in.

[lyonsgirl]

Count me in as an "interested LFAD member".

[Tooki]

I am happy to participate.

[aniay]

happy to participate too and interested in results when you have them

[CanadianGirl]

Sounds interesting! If I happen to say anything useful, it's all yours.

[differentcountries]

I think a lot of people will be interested in an English resume of your results

[Anoulie]

Some thoughts on this:

I think when you're the kind of person who wants to get married at some point in your life, you'll only enter an LDR with someone you could see yourself marrying eventually. I hope you get what I mean... I think if you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with that person, you won't even bother with the LDR, 'cause it's tough. So in LDRs, I think marriage is on people's minds earlier than it would be for people in CDRs.

[differentcountries]

I think if you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with that person, you won't even bother with the LDR, 'cause it's tough. So in LDRs, I think marriage is on people's minds earlier than it would be for people in CDRs.

For a lot of people it might be true. There are also some folks who are very comfortable not closing the distance, because fear of intimacy/closeness is one of the reasons they got into a LDR in the first place. I know some people like that who break up with whomever they try to close the distance with, because all of a sudden that person irritates the hell out of them. They don't see LDRs as hard, they see them as liberating. They get a lot of free time and free headspace. They don't share too much from everyday life in their contact in between visits, so visiting become sort of "super holidays" with consentrated romance they would not find in a normal relationship. In a way it seems like a nice way to go about it, but I miss my SO too much to not even fantasize about closing the distance

[snow]

I'd like to help out

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I'm interested but not married yet, so can I still participate?

[Trethsparr]

I'm willing to help if you need more input.

[Ejoriah]

As an anthropologist I am also interested in your final findings

[Jazi]

Count me in as an "interested LFAD member".

count me in too, MissB

I think when you're the kind of person who wants to get married at some point in your life, you'll only enter an LDR with someone you could see yourself marrying eventually. I hope you get what I mean... I think if you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with that person, you won't even bother with the LDR, 'cause it's tough. So in LDRs, I think marriage is on people's minds earlier than it would be for people in CDRs.

I guess this is true for me and my SO, although its hard to say.. Who knows if we were CDR if I would have wanted to get married as fast? I'd like to say we would have, but who knows for sure?

All I do know is that we are happily living together and recently got married, being CD and married are both new experiences but so far it feels completely natural. I know a part of us did marry for a visa - obviously considering we applied for a Fiance visa... But we wouldn't have applied for a Fiance visa IF we didn't want to get married now - we had other visa options if we wanted to take a route without marrying at this stage.

[Lovebee]

I would be interested to read your final paper (and I'm willing to participate too).