How did you decide where to get married?

[XxFranticLovexX]

In a LDR both families are usually in different locations so the decision can be kind of tough. So, how did you decide where to get married and have your wedding? Was it a tough decision? Did both families attend? What were your deciding factors?

My SO and I have been talking about this and thinking it over. We both have a couple of reasons for each place, but we're still trying to decide what to do. As of right now, emotionally, I'm leaning toward my hometown (family and friends are there, I grew up there) but logically I'm leaning toward his (better area for ceremony, he has more people to attend, could be more cost efficient, we are already in his hometown so preparation would be a little easier, etc). He has given some input on it but he doesn't seem sure about it atm. I'm also kind of back and forth on the matter though and would really like to see what you guys have done in this situation.

Any input would be loved, thanks in advance guys. <3

[teachernicole]

I had a festa de noivado (engagement party) in Brazil in July 2013. We had a tiny justice of the peace ceremony (just my parents) in the USA this month. I'm planning a Catholic ceremony with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law right now in Brazil. We are splitting it up between countries to celebrate with both our families I don't know if that's an option for you, but it was the only logical choice for us. Originally, we were thinking about having a wedding in one country and a reception in the other.

[snow]

We decided to get married in America with his family and maybe, if the money is right, have our honeymoon in Austria and celebrate with them again

[BabyGund]

How about a destination wedding? Get all the family together in a neutral vacation site? The Caribbean or Las Vegas is good for that.

That's what we're considering. Las Vegas. He's never been and what better place to have a fun wedding and memorable honeymoon.

[Zephii]

We decided between BC Canada, and NSW Australia. Ended up going with my home country, Oz.

How did you decide where to get married and have your wedding?
We drew up pros and cons that looked like this:
- If we were to marry in Canada we'd have had a bigger wedding as more people could have attended, and we'd have drastically higher costs because I'd have insisted on paying for the flights for my family/best mates because I'm from a poorer background and know they simply couldn't afford it.
- His people could afford to fly with minimal help from us.
- If we married in Oz venues would cost more, but as there would be drastically less people we could have a fancier event.
- I would feel very out of place if we married in Canada surrounded by his huge family when my family is quite small. Marrying in Oz would prune the amount of his people that would attend and thus even the scale.
- We'd have less time to work and save if we were to marry in Canada.
- We were planning to be in Australia for the time period we ideally wanted to marry in, before we discussed marriage, and he didn't want an engagement more than a year long.
- Canada would be more appealing in some ways as his parents likely would have helped pay for things had we done it their way. But less appealing, because it would be need to be done their way
- Australia had better choices for alternative ceremonies. Being Wiccan, I didn't want to marry in a church, and BC doesn't have civil celebrants, so we'd be very limited in the rituals aspect.
- The weather in Australia is nicer. Much nicer. And there were better honeymoon options.
- It seemed more important to me on an emotional and spiritual level than it did to him.
- Marrying in Oz would fit in well with our visa plans/wants.

And then there was the traditional "I'm the bride". Generally, the wedding is in the bride's hometown. We didn't think of that, but older family members approved.


Was it a tough decision?
Yes. I'd always just assumed we'd get married in Canada, and tried to be alright with that. In the end it just made more sense to marry in Australia, and he made the final decision that we would, but we did get a lot of opposition from his people, rather than support.

Did both families attend?
Yes. I had my sisters, aunt, uncle & cousins. (Which is the extent of my surviving family really) and he had his parents, sister and one of his grandmothers. He also had this three childhood best mates, who are as close as brothers. There'd be no wedding without his boys.

What were your deciding factors?
I don't think there was any large thing that decided it for us, it was just more points went into the "Marry in Oz" column than they did for Canada.

Good luck with this tricky decision.

[differentcountries]

The engagement in one place, marriage in another is a good idea if people can not afford to travel (and it would be too costly to cover their cost) . Especially if there is tradition for giving special attention to the engagement. The neutral option means that everyone would have to travel, unless people were affluent and keen on a holiday I would be afraid to ask that of my guests. Plus if the idea was to continue staying there as a honeymoon, I really would not want them around

When I married we split it between two cities. The official marriage and a dinner we had in the capital, nearby his parents, some weeks later we had a "we got married "- party where we (and my family) live. Main reason is my brother in law and my inlaws have too much disagreement between them to put in a room together. Two different venues and problem solved. Plus almost no travel on the guests as well. That worked for us.

[jana89]

We aren´t anywhere near getting married, but we have already discussed this issue and decided to marry (if it comes to it) in my country. It wasn´t really difficult for neither of us. Everything in my country is way cheaper than in his. My friends and some extended family couldn´t afford flying to his country, while it is no problem for anyone from his side. And because we plan to live in his country, Denmark, he sees this as an option how to say "sorry I´m taking her from you"

[TaraMarie]

We are probably going with a destination wedding. I am from NY, which is where he lives, so we both have lots of friends and family there. But I've lived in ga for the last nine years, so I have lots of friends here too. Destination wedding sounds like the best option for us......we will see when the time comes! Since this will be a second time for both of us we are doing what makes US happy!

[differentcountries]

because we plan to live in his country, Denmark, he sees this as an option how to say "sorry I´m taking her from you"

Oh, that is thoughtful

[BabyGund]

The neutral option means that everyone would have to travel, unless people were affluent and keen on a holiday I would be afraid to ask that of my guests. Plus if the idea was to continue staying there as a honeymoon, I really would not want them around

Differentcounties - SOME guests will have to travel for the wedding. I figure, make it fair and have them ALL travel and grumble, instead of one set getting all bent out of shape, like in Zephii's case.

And they won't be around on the honeymoon - they go home after the wedding. Or they want to extend their stay, there are ways around that. Get married in the Caribbean at the Sandals chain of resorts and for the honeymoon, you can go to a different resort on the other side of the island. Or in Vegas, you can get married and stay ANYWHERE. Vegas is large enough that you won't run into your family again unless you specifically go where they are staying.

TaraMarie - this is a second wedding for us too. No big fuss, which is why Vegas just seemed to work.

But I also know plenty of first marriages who do the destination wedding to avoid those squabbles about which family has to travel or why not do two parties/weddings.

[lucybelle]

Our original plan was to elope. That way no side could get all grumpy about not being able to attend. What we ended up doing was having a very tiny ceremony in the USA. (it was technically a "destination" wedding although the opposite of what you would imagine- we got married in -30 degree weather on a frozen river in Colorado! ) Only my parents and step parents came, plus my siblings. My SO's family got to watch through skype, it was actually kind of cool. A lot of my family is upset they weren't invited, but oh well. My SO's mom is still upset she couldn't come (not a money issue, would never be granted a visa so it's impossible for her to come to the USA).

What we decided was to have a wedding party down here. So in just.. 10 days (wow!) we'll be having a nice little party here. We're having dinner and a band and a photographer. We'll cut a cake and I'll wear a white dress. We're inviting the important family and friends from down here. I think it'll be really nice and is a really nice option for people who have to chose one country in which to have their wedding. Have a small ceremony in one, and a small party in the other. Plus, this party is costing way less than it would have cost us in the USA!

[lyonsgirl]

How did you decide where to get married and have your wedding?
We got married in his home church, in Indiana. It was either there or the church we went to during university, but they never responded to my question of how much it would cost/if I could talk to someone about it. It was either there or... well, really, there. I haven't lived in my "hometown" since 2007, and my family is spread all over the country.
Was it a tough decision?
No.
Did both families attend?
Those that could, yes. There were a few members of each of our families that couldn't attend due to school/traveling/etc. But most everyone came.
What were your deciding factors?
My family lives in: California, Colorado, New Jersey, Canada, Minnesota, Texas, New York and Germany. His family is in Indiana, Illinois, and Colorado. We met in Indiana, and since we knew I would be moving before we got married, we decided that Indiana was our best option. Our ceremony and reception venues were fairly close to the airport and lots of hotels were near by, so it made traveling a little bit easier for those who had to.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I guess I have it a bit easier than most. My SO and I are from the same hometown and that's where I'd like to get married. The issue would be that I'd be planning my wedding from thousands of miles away so I'd have to heavily lean on my parents, his parents, and him to get things done. That will probably drive me insane as I like to plan things and know what's going on. It was a very easy decision because I've always wanted to get married in my hometown and it's nice that we're from the same place. We will both have family members who will have to travel, all of my extended family and a good chunk of his, but those who are able to come will come and I won't worry about the rest. The majority can drive so it shouldn't be too bad.

[Zephii]

Differentcounties - SOME guests will have to travel for the wedding. I figure, make it fair and have them ALL travel and grumble, instead of one set getting all bent out of shape, like in Zephii's case.

I wanted to clarify, that whilst it is true they were bent out of shape about having to travel, they'd have been that way for a destination wedding too - they had envisioned us marrying in their Church, and they get to go home to their beds that night. Additionally, almost none of my people actually live in Sydney where we had the wedding. They too had to travel and find accommodation (which we made easier on the Canadians. We also paid for some people's accommodation.) so essentially it was pretty fair.

[Dziubka]

We're lucky and live(d) in neighbouring countries without an ocean in between.
We got married in a city that's partly in mine and partly in my husband's country. It's only about an hour from where we live now and both our families had about the same distance. We had the ceremony in my country and then a dinner in my husband's, so everyone could feel a bit at home.

We chose it because they still had date available on Saturdays around the time we wanted to get married and because of the symbolism.

We're planning on having a religious ceremony and bigger party in my husband's country some day. The ceremony would be mainly for him and it's way more affordable.