Would you...

[Zephii]

If you were previously engaged, or even previously married and were later engaged to a different person but you still had all the things from your previous planning - would you still use them?

I know a young man who proposed with the ring he'd bought for his ex, for example, and a family member who recently used the dress, cake toppers, toasting flutes and venue she'd planned to use with her previous fiance. I'm just genuinely curious what other people think of doing that.

I personally don't know what I think, part of me loves the practicality of it, and of course if you still love those items/style/themes etc then hey, why not? But the other part of me thinks they would be too tied to that ex.

I had a crystal statue and a dress (formal, but not actually a wedding dress) that were supposed to play parts in my own wedding with an ex (who I was never actually engaged to). I chose a different dress for my wedding to Obi, but I still have the other one. I lent it out once and am still waiting for an event where I can wear it because I still really like it. But the statue I gave away, I couldn't look at it without thinking of it's intended purpose.

So, for the sake of conversation, what would you do?

(And for the love of all that's holy, don't go starting any anti divorce crap. I mean it. )

[Dziubka]

It depends on what it was, how individualised it was and how advanced the planning was. And the circumstances of the break up.

A venue? If it had just been considered in my previous tentative wedding plans: No problem. If we had actually been there, talked to the people and discussed a menu or other details: No. (But mainly because I would be too ashamed of what they'd think of me.)

toasting flutes: As long as they don't have the wrong names and date engraved, I don't see a problem.

Cake toppers: Unless they're a really generic type (and I don't like those) they're too personal to be using them with a different person.


I don't know about the dress. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to use it again, because of all the memories and that the "new" wedding would be a different event from the one I had originally picked out the dress for. On the other hand if it really was the perfect dress and I would have a hard time finding something else that I liked just as much, I don't know what I'd do. Selling it or giving it away to wear something else that doesn't make me feel as pretty, seems stupid. It would also depend on how much money was an issue. If I had (more or less) unlimited funds to get a new one, there'd be a bigger chance to find something I like equally or even better.

But then I kind of can't imagine keeping any of the things I had already bought for a cancelled wedding long enough to use them in a wedding with a different person. I would probably have thrown them out or sold them by the time the wedding planning got serious again. If we had cancelled our wedding after I had already bought my dress, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have kept it and the possibility of wearing at again to a future wedding with someone else most likely wouldn't even have crossed my mind. I would just have wanted to get rid of the dress.

[80anthea]

It's funny you mention this, I found my old wedding ring a few days ago and found myself thinking that it would be so much cheaper to reuse it. However, I very quickly came to the conclusion it would be too strange, I associate that ring with my ex-husband and would want a new one even if it only cost £1 for my SO. I am however thinking of reusing my dress, it wasn't a proper wedding dress just a cream coloured dress from a normal shop, to make it different I think I'm going to make a new sash/belt to make it look a little different.

[Ahava]

I couldn't. I would want to have a fresh start with everything "fresh".
Ofcourse it depends on the things.
This is a little of topic, but I still have some wedding presents that I use. For instance a heart shaped wase for flowers. I identify it more with my dear friend who gave it to us than the wedding/my exhusband.
And I'm super annoyed about the fact that my SO married his ex on a beach in the Carribbean because that is the sort of thing I would want to do if we were ever to get hitched.
They stole my venue!

[Dezface]

I couldn't at all. In fact I left every single thing from our wedding with my ex because I didn't want to look at them. I could never associate them with anything but my failed marriage and that's far too painful of a reminder to have on a new wedding day.

[BlueCat]

Having never been in any sort of situation even closely resembling this, it's very hard to say. Being a very frugal person I would want to say that yes I could re-use some things. But as the others have said, some of those things might be too personalised or hold too many memories. If I had previously been married, I don't think my future husband would want me to be wearing the same dress I wore when I got married to the previous guy. It would just be weird.

Stuff like decorations etc I don't think would be a problem, depends if they're dated or not. But decorations can often be re-purposed to look like something different.

[CanadianGirl]

If it was something like decorations I had picked out because I liked them, and not something we had picked out together, sure. Say it was your dream dress that you always wanted and he had nothing to do with the process of picking it out/buying it, I'd definitely reuse that (assuming my soon-to-be-husband wasn't uncomfortable with it either). If we specifically picked out a set of flower vases, even if the actual thing seems dumb to not reuse, I'd feel like I'd be dragging my ex into my wedding.

..While I never really cared about an actual, physical engagement ring, if he tried to use a ring meant for an ex, that thing would be melted down/sold before it would touch my finger. Ew. While I'm proud of being frugal, that comes across as a bit cheap..

[snow]

I wouldn't. I don't have the rings anymore that my ex gave me and whenever I see something that he gave me, I feel awkward. I give all these items away. We were never properly engaged, but our relationship was heading towards marriage pretty fast as we had already picked wedding rings.
I think my current partner would also not want me to reuse old things, because to him it would always be a reminder of the other guy.

[TwoThree]

Another one on the nay team. It just would feel very wrong to me. My SO still has his previous engagement ring and it would have been way cheaper for us to use that instead of buying a wedding ring for him, but nope. Not going to do that.

Obviously other people think differently. One of my closest friends wore an outfit for her wedding that she had made when she was engaged to another man. I guess she just didn't care and didn't attach as much symbolism to a piece of cloth as I might have. No judgement from me here

[lucybelle]

I don't know, maybe if the ring has a gem get it changed? Maybe then you could still use/wear it?

I can't really answer because I've never been in the situation. But my mom still wears her original wedding ring because a) she bought it so it really is hers, and b) she thinks it's beautiful. She got a new ring for her current marriage, but she does still wear the first one on her other hand. My dad did get a new ring for his current marriage, I don't know what he did with the old one.

[lyonsgirl]

I don't think I could do it. A friend of mine's wife had surgery on her left hand, and so her rings don't fit anymore. (They refuse to get them resized, because her hand is "supposed" to return to normal.) anyway, she uses a ring that an ex gave her. He's okay with it. I couldn't do it, personally.

My sister was going to be married - but won't ever use the rings, decorations, dress, nothing. When I planned our wedding, I eliminated the venue my sister would have gotten married in. Why? Because I didn't want to dredge up any bad feelings.

[Noodle]

My SO was engaged twice before and I just got done telling my friend that if/when he proposes to me, he better not use the same ring. I wouldn't want another girl's ring at all. x_X

As far as using things for a wedding, if I actually used it (meaning the wedding happened), I would definitely not reuse it. But if the wedding didn't happen, I don't think I would have a problem using it because it wouldn't necessary be tied to the ex but more of a vision of my 'dream wedding'.

[whatruckus]

I couldn't. I even have this diamond ring (not an engagement ring, kind of a promise ring) I bought with my ex (thought I paid for 80% of it -_-) and it's really nice, and I would love to wear it, but since I know I bought it with my ex, I don't. It would remind me too much of him (and how shitty it was that he made me pay for my own ring), even though it has no meaning, the fact is I know I bought with him.

It makes me wonder if my SO bought a ring for his ex when they got engaged, I never asked (part of me doesn't want to know). I don't think he did. If he did, and he tried to propose to me with that, I think I would be really pissed and offended.

My ex tried to give me this pendant he gave to his ex when we first started dating. Um...? Yea, he realized real quick that it was a bad idea and took it back.

[squeeker]

I probably wouldn't use it. But then again, it would depend how much symbolic meaning was attached, how serious the relationship was, and a bunch of other things.. Though I can put a lot of sentimental value on things so if I had any prior engagement or wedding stuff (I don't), I would probably have got rid of it by now or hidden it. I don't think my SO would like us to use it. On the other side of the thing, if my SO had his or his ex fiance's engagement rings any more, I wouldn't want him to use them for our engagement.. I like the idea of us doing our own thing and I know my SO is too, my SO is probably even more so than me. I think my SO would stop us if anything was similar to something he and this girl did, but thankfully their relationship was not very long and they didn't get far into serious wedding planning at all!!

Really though I think it's fine if people chose to, because it can be budget conscious, and it just depends on the thing and how much money they have and how much sentimental thought went it, how much it is tied to the previous relationship. At the end of the day, it's up to the certain people to decide, though it should be a joint decision that both people are comfortable with.

[dizzyupthemeg]

With my ex husband, there is no way. If the marriage had ended on friendly terms, maybe, but it didn't. It was a really bad situation, and when I left, I left everything with him so I wouldn't have to be reminded of it again.

I have a habit of putting a lot of symbolism into things. I wouldn't want my past to carry over into my future.