When to pop the question??

[amb85]

Just curious for those of you who are international relationships....did you get engaged when you knew the two of you were definately going to be able to be physically together or when you felt is was the right time to pop the question.


My SO and I already know we want to marry each other but there are alot of obstacles in our way before we can physically be together. So I was just wondering if I should wait to pop the question until we know for sure we can physically be together or when I feel it is right?

[annamorgan]

I think it's a mixture of both, but I lean mostly towards the when you feel is right. Me and my SO are underage, so we cannot physically be married yet, but he proposed anyway because he felt the time was right and there was no use putting it off anymore. So if you know she's the one, why not?

[amb85]

Yeah i agree. I guess I am just afraid of me asking her and then our plan not work and us physically not being able to be together. Do you think I should ask her which she would prefer? Or just do it?

[noodle]

Well my SO and I have been talkin about this a lot and we know we want to get married and stuff but like we wont do it know. He did ask me a millions of times and it was serious but not as serious as ok lets get the papers done you know what I mean?
And I think that once we get to meet for the first time and everything works for us I think he would ask me and I would say yes but like we'd only be engaged untill we know that we can move together and stuff.
I'd suggest you to just listen to your heart and wait for the right moment I mean if you're like "ok this is the perfect moment for it" than just go for it! You can be engaged at first and then later when you know that you're definately movin in together just get married.
And bout the same sex marriage, its only allowed in some states in the USA right? What about Canada?

[annamorgan]

Yeah i agree. I guess I am just afraid of me asking her and then our plan not work and us physically not being able to be together. Do you think I should ask her which she would prefer? Or just do it?

It's okay to be scared that things might not work out. But be positive, if this is the girl you want to spend your life with and she wants to do the same with you, then just go for it! You'll probably regret it if you don't ask. And I'm sure she'll say yes

Only five states in American allow safe-sex marriage, btw (Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Washington, D.C.).

[Kirschlein]

Well, i am in the opinion that you shouldn't marry too early or even rushing into it. My SO isn't a big fan of marriage anyway, but since he know me, he said he wants to marry me and grow old with me. Anyways, i think it will take time till he will ask me and i am okay with it, because it doesn't affect our relationship in any kind of way. Even without marriage we love each other more than anything and will fight for the relationship. Marriage is a simple piece of paper after all. The only thing which is pretty cool is the ceremony. I would love to live through it once with my SO. Really exciting :3

To your question: Just do it when you think its right, but also keep the important things in the back of your head. I wouldn't consider it as the right time, if you know you cant live together soon. And i would ask her personal and with a really creative idea. Like once this guy, he jumped from the building of the work of his girlfriend to the window where she was at that time and did like he is cleaning the windows, but wrote with the cleaning thing: will you marry me?
sooo cute!

[amb85]

And bout the same sex marriage, its only allowed in some states in the USA right? What about Canada?

Yes, it is only allowed in a few states. But even if we got married in those states..the US government doesn't recognize same sex for immigration purposes, so she would have to leave. And its extremely hard to come to the US especially from her country.

[amb85]

Well, i am in the opinion that you shouldn't marry too early or even rushing into it. My SO isn't a big fan of marriage anyway, but since he know me, he said he wants to marry me and grow old with me. Anyways, i think it will take time till he will ask me and i am okay with it, because it doesn't affect our relationship in any kind of way. Even without marriage we love each other more than anything and will fight for the relationship. Marriage is a simple piece of paper after all. The only thing which is pretty cool is the ceremony. I would love to live through it once with my SO. Really exciting :3

To your question: Just do it when you think its right, but also keep the important things in the back of your head. I wouldn't consider it as the right time, if you know you cant live together soon. And i would ask her personal and with a really creative idea. Like once this guy, he jumped from the building of the work of his girlfriend to the window where she was at that time and did like he is cleaning the windows, but wrote with the cleaning thing: will you marry me?
sooo cute!

I totally agree with waiting for the right time and not rushing it. I was just curious....it was just kinda in the back of my head. We were both totally against marriage before we got together. We have just been talking about it alot lately so it just got me thinking of how I would do it and when. Plus I have to save up for a ring either way haha!

[NaNi]

I - personally - would definitely wait until we're together. For good. Also because I know that my SO doesn't want to rush it. She was never a fan of marriage, but her views have changed now and she's much more open to the thought of it. So if it should happen some day... it would still be a few years from now.

[Michelle]

Frank and I aren't in a international relationship. But we're waiting to be engaged until we are finally together. It's no secret that we want to spend the rest of our lives together, but we're waiting anyway. We'd rather have our engagement mark the start of our lives together

[Zephii]

Obi and I are waiting. Not that we really talk about marriage... but it's there in an unspoken way. You can be ready to be with someone/live together/be completely committed and still not be ready for marriage. It is first and foremost a legal (and for some people, religious) contract. It's seriously serious.
I don't know if Obi even thinks about asking me or rings or any of that at this point. But I personally think it's daft to marry someone you've never attempted to live with. So, I'm all for waiting until you know you can physically be together.

[squiddie]

That's preposterous that the US won't recognize a same-sex relationship and subsequent engagement as a gateway to immigration. I can't remember the exact wording and my constitutional law buddy is in class at the moment and not answering his phone, but I know there's a caveat in the constitution that all states have to recognize and respect the laws of any single state (which is how you can get married in another state and have it be legally recognized in your own). I'm surprised they wouldn't apply it to immigration laws.

As for Canada, I actually know the immigration laws pretty well as I'm a wise-acre and spout them to friends who claim they're going to move there every time the government makes a move they don't like (I do this equally, to friends on the right and the left). Depending on your field of employment, it's actually reasonably easy to go through the immigration process. I would definitely start researching it for the both of you, if that is your ultimate plan.

[Mio]

I would propose when you feel that thing that tells you to do it. Maybe now or later, go with your instincts.

[amb85]

That's preposterous that the US won't recognize a same-sex relationship and subsequent engagement as a gateway to immigration. I can't remember the exact wording and my constitutional law buddy is in class at the moment and not answering his phone, but I know there's a caveat in the constitution that all states have to recognize and respect the laws of any single state (which is how you can get married in another state and have it be legally recognized in your own). I'm surprised they wouldn't apply it to immigration laws.

As for Canada, I actually know the immigration laws pretty well as I'm a wise-acre and spout them to friends who claim they're going to move there every time the government makes a move they don't like (I do this equally, to friends on the right and the left). Depending on your field of employment, it's actually reasonably easy to go through the immigration process. I would definitely start researching it for the both of you, if that is your ultimate plan.

Yeah tell me about it...its very frustrating.

[loveonspeedial]

I'm waiting till same sex marriage then provide residency before we actually get married but I'm still asking her when I feel its right