City Hall vs. Chapel Wedding...

[Mims27]

My SO and I are going back and forth on what we want to do for our wedding. City Hall (possibly) NYC, because it's cheaper and quicker. Our families would still be there it would just be less intimate. This way it would give us the opportunity to go on a honeymoon, which be both need to get away. OR A more intimate and expensive Chapel wedding and no honeymoon. Like 3 of 4 times the cost and planning.

Who has done city hall weddings? Do you recommend it? Would it be risky if we go down there and because it's first come first serve, it doesn't happen?
Any suggestions?

I may add more info, as I go along. My head is so all over right now, I can't even think straight. lol

[CynicalQuixotic]

Well, to be fair, I'm an atheist getting married in a country where only a civil marriage at City Hall is legally binding, so, I have to admit my bias here. Are either you or your SO in any way religious? (Or have family members who would kick up a fuss if you didn't get married religiously?) Which is more important to both of you, the ceremony or the honeymoon?

Also, I can't imagine there isn't a way to make an appointment at City Hall for a marriage. Is it really only first come, first serve?

[Mims27]

Neither of us or our family are religious. The chapel we looked at is Unitarian. I guess I left that out. Hehe I think we are both leaving towards a City Hall wedding, it was just a matter of wondering if we'd regret it or not. But I'm starting to like the idea of going on a trip/honeymoon more and more. With everything going on lately, getting away for a week sounds like heaven. lol

Unfortunately, NYC city hall is first come first serve...not sure why but that's what their site says.

[TaraMarie]

Neither of us or our family are religious. The chapel we looked at is Unitarian. I guess I left that out. Hehe I think we are both leaving towards a City Hall wedding, it was just a matter of wondering if we'd regret it or not. But I'm starting to like the idea of going on a trip/honeymoon more and more. With everything going on lately, getting away for a week sounds like heaven. lol

Unfortunately, NYC city hall is first come first serve...not sure why but that's what their site says.

Why is a chapel wedding so expensive? There are a lot of chapels that cost under $200. I've neem looking into them here, but I am sure you can find them there, just not in NYC. On the island, upstate, or even jersey. In the end, it's the ceremony that matters. The location doesn't really, but I would hate for you to feel chested years from now. I think most people want some type of a formal ceremony.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Neither of us or our family are religious. The chapel we looked at is Unitarian. I guess I left that out. Hehe I think we are both leaving towards a City Hall wedding, it was just a matter of wondering if we'd regret it or not. But I'm starting to like the idea of going on a trip/honeymoon more and more. With everything going on lately, getting away for a week sounds like heaven. lol

Unfortunately, NYC city hall is first come first serve...not sure why but that's what their site says.

Well, a "proper wedding" and getting married at City Hall are not mutually exclusive--you could get up early, get married, and then have a nice lunch or dinner somewhere in NYC with just family and close friends? (This is what S and I are doing, except not in New York). I was raised Unitarian (it was a thing for privileged interfaith couples with children in the 90s), so, I have a bit of a soft spot for its chapels. If you want any sort of religiosity involved, that would be a good compromise.

I have to admit, City Hall, dinner, and bangin' (ha, literally!) honeymoon would be my choice, as I find the wedding industry to be overrated at best and disgusting at worst, and I get overwhelmed and stressed out easily. But I understand FOMO--I think you two just have to do some soul searching and decide what is best for you.

ETA: I have to respectfully disagree with TaraMarie here, though. Although appeasing your family to a certain extent is mostly inevitable (this is why I'm letting my mother throw us a second party in New York), I think making fundamental decisions about your wedding on the reasoning that "most people want" it is a recipe for unhappiness.

[TaraMarie]

When I say most people, I mean couples. Not appeasing family. It would be sad if she or her SO looked back one day and was sad that they opted for city hall. I know many people do that for second weddings, but if think morpst people, especially women, want some type of formal ceremony. Don't most girls dream about their wedding day from the time they are little? I don't think it has to be over the top.....I am just telling her that chapels ARE available at a very reasonable price. Maybe there sre other options out there....

[CynicalQuixotic]

When I say most people, I mean couples. Not appeasing family. It would be sad if she or her SO looked back one day and was sad that they opted for city hall. I know many people do that for second weddings, but if think morpst people, especially women, want some type of formal ceremony. Don't most girls dream about their wedding day from the time they are little? I don't think it has to be over the top.....I am just telling her that chapels ARE available at a very reasonable price. Maybe there sre other options out there....

But the very point of this thread is that Mims and her fiancée aren't sure what option they want to take. I think if either of them had a fixed image of what they wanted their wedding to be like, this thread would either not exist or be a different thread.

[Mims27]

^^ exactly.
Both options have perks that we like. We don't really have a preference. We are pretty simple people too lol I'm just trying to see the opinions of people who may or may not have done it that way.

[lyonsgirl]

I didn't do a city hall wedding - but - if I was debating between the two and the city hall wedding came with a honeymoon but the chapel wedding didn't, I'd pick city hall wedding. Don't get me wrong, I loved walking down the aisle and everything that came with our church ceremony. But, I'll be honest, I was more excited to go on our honeymoon. I mean, yes, I was excited to be getting married, but I was the most excited about getting away with my SO for a full week, just the two of us. We hadn't been able to take an extended trip like that the entire time we were dating/engaged. But, whichever way you choose: get a photographer. Not a friend to take pictures (unless your friend has a hobby of shooting weddings) - a "real live" photographer.

Not to make things more complicated: but have you considered finding a JOP and getting married in like, a park? Also, why NYC? Is there family there or special ties to it? If you relocate the ceremony, you may be able to do it for cheaper/less hassle (yes, even a city hall wedding costs $). Just thoughts for you.

[Mims27]

Thanks for your reply lyonsgirl! I was hoping you would. What you are saying totally makes sense and I think I'm starting to lean that way. We've never been away together, alone alone. There's always family in there somewhere when we see each other. Also my SO will have paid vacation for the first time, might as well take advantage. And I get a week for wedding/honeymoon.

As for NYC, it does have a very special meaning to my SO and I so would kind of be a dream come true for us. She lives really close to the city, so wet figured why not. And from what we researched, it's easier in N.Y. than P.A. I hadn't thought of a justice of the peace, I will bring it up to her tonight. Thanks!

[lyonsgirl]

Definitely talk it over with her - but if you want/need any nudging: I'm nudging you towards the honeymoon! Haha. Go somewhere fantastic, get away. Enjoy the beginning of your marriage alone and in some fantastic place, plus, it makes for fantastic memories. Don't get me wrong, I love looking over our wedding pictures and I'm so so so glad we had a photographer. But remembering everything about our honeymoon... way more fun. There's plenty of time to be with family and celebrate. Maybe do a smallish ceremony and then head out to dinner or do drinks & cake at a bar?

If we hadn't gotten married in his home church (also a church I had ties to), we would have had an outdoor ceremony in one of the parks nearby. Because nature = no need for decorations!

[lucybelle]

Get a friend to get ordained online and marry wherever you want! My friend married me and my SO on a frozen river in Colorado. How awesome would it be to get married at the top of the Empire State Building? Or in Central Park? Or the Guggenheim?

Getting ordained online is free or cheap and easy. Anyone can do it. I'm an ordained minister!!

[Mims27]

Another great idea! Thanks lucybelle!

[nicole]

We got our papers all signed in City Hall of Chicago- the whole thing took less than 10 minutes. We then went for a walk by the lake and we had a special dinner in a fancy restaurant afterwards.

Then we did the whole big event afterwards, and I'll agree with Lyons, when the planning was underway, I was more excited for the Honeymoon than the ceremony itself lol
and LB makes a good point about getting a friend to do it that way you can keep it small and have the ceremony exactly the way you want it!

[randomnerd]

Do the city hall ceremony and honeymoon now. If you guys feel like you missed out on the big ordeal, do a 5 or 10 year renewal/party! :3 best of all worlds